What do you think of this situation? unreasonable or normal?

[inapickle99]

Sarah and John have a young child together (3) and John has two older children (7&9) who stay with them 40% of the week. They have been together for 5 years.

John is self employed and was working at the weekend, Sarah was at home with all children. Sarah invited to go on a day out with her sister and niece and agrees. She drops off two step children with their dad to spend the day at his work with him and goes with their joint child on the day out (to an aquarium).

Do you think this is reasonable? No option given to the other children to go along.

Then there is the age old problem that is it fair that Sarah's family who have no relation to his John's kids can't do anything without them ? Maybe the age gap too much say if they were 3 year old. ? Personally I couldn't walk out and leave them behind but we don't know the backstory .

Nah. Both at fault. It’s crap treatment of a child. I wouldn’t treat a dog like that.

Awful. Don’t get together with a man with a 2 year old and 4 year old if you’re going to treat them like this.

Poor kids.

No, how sad for the left out kids.

John’s fault. Don’t have a custody arrangement for 40% of the time if you’re expecting your wife to parent your kids the whole time.

How can John work with two young (ish) children knocking about?

And why didn’t Sarah take her step kids with her for a lovely day out?

soooo unreasonable.

Depends how often John is using work as an excuse to not parent his own children and just expects Sarah to be his unpaid childcare.

He’s self employed and can pick his own working hours and maybe he should work around the fact he only has his children 40% of the time which leaves 60% of the time to work.

Just to add, so many people on mumsnet who posts on these types of threads think the stepkids should be their parent’s responsibility only. I think if you fall in love with someone who already has kids, they have to be part of the package.

I'm guessing Op is mum who has been told this by her dc and wants us to bitch about Sarah.

We don't know the reasoning:

John said: "Drop the kids off, I'm finishing in an hour and we'll go to McDs and other things the older children enjoy" which then the dc didn't mention that bit.
Sarah had said to John "I'm going with my sister and dc#3, please be back by X time or I'll drop the kids off at work." John said "fine."
The older kids said "do we have to. It's boring. We'd rather go to dad's work".
Sarah and sister actually were meeting to discuss something quite sensitive which could be done in front of a 3yo, but not older ones.
The older two love going to dad's work (we used to love going to Mum's and would definitely have chosen that).
Last time Sarah took the older ones they said "you're not my mum" and ran off.
Sarah takes all three dc out week after week where the 3yo ends up sitting in the buggy because what the older two want to do takes priority, and this once she decided to focus on the toddler.

Lots of potential situations where it isn't unreasonable of Sarah to do it.

Of course this is the case. But people will argue the contrary because apparently a child with a shitty parent deserves to be rejected and left out.

It would not cross my mind to exclude the other two children. What a nasty thing to do.

Hard to tell from 'No option given to the other children to go along' whether "Sarah" did not give them the option, or whether it was not a possibility due to lack of space in cars or similar.

Hate it when OPs are so vague.

That feels very mean.

Bit mean. They are a family and all kids should be treated the same. It’s not the children’s fault their parents are divorced. If your not prepared to treat your partners children the same as your own children then don’t have a relationship with someone who has kids.

John is being unreasonable to work at the weekend and leave Sarah with all three kids unless this was absolutely unavoidable.

Sarah is being unreasonable not to take the kids to the aquarium. How unreasonable she was being depends on how often John does the above.

Who are you, OP? If you're John, stop expecting your partner to parent your kids. If you're Sarah, you have my sympathy.

At what point does it stop being the step mum treating all kids equally and becomes the actual dad taking advantage and using her as free childcare?

Sarah is allowed bounties and not to be taken advantage of. Is John is self employed and only has his children 40% of the time that means he can work his job into the 60% of the time he doesn’t have them.

It’s a tale as old as time, dad has his kids a small amount of time, gets new wife and makes her parents the kids.

No. Sarah was totally unreasonable to drop of the children unless it was all discussed and agreed in advance. Sarah should have told sister, sorry I can’t do at short notice have step children and husband is working.

Sarah I think based on the limited info is coming across as mean. Those poor kids being dumped whilst their half sibling gets a trip to the aquarium. But if this happens constantly with Sarah having to look after the kids every weekend, maybe she’s making a stand.
you haven’t given us enough information to make an informed judgement.

John shouldn't be at work on a weekend when he has his children, don't arrange the split between homes that doesn't work. It's his time with the children so he should obviously be present.
Having said that, Sarah was a cunt who really shouldn't have got together with a man who has children.

Personally I would have taken them all, but also presumably John is working to benefit the whole family. So not that black and white if you’re self employed.

Why? They are not her kids, they are her husband's.

Well said- I could never ever do that to a child and they are only young too 🥲

What about transport? Could two adults and four children all fit in one car?I think there are too many unknowns to determine whether anyone is being unreasonable to be fair.
Who are you in the scenario OP?

Sarah’s a bit of a bitch to go to the aquarium and leave two young children out. Disgusting behaviour.