DH night away 38 weeks pregnant

[Clockworkbananas]

DH wants to go away for the night to meet up with friends and I will be 38 weeks pregnant. It’s a few hours away on the train (London, we are in the north east) and I’m guessing he’ll have a few drinks. Last train back is about 10pm.

AIBU to say no? We have a toddler already so I will be looking after them. They could go to grandparents if I went into labour but DH would probably not be there. Toddler was born at 39+1.

A few hours away is a bit far.

Could his friends not meet up in your area, or even halfway?

I'd ask him to miss this one. The baby could easily come while he's away. I think it's too close time-wise.

I'm usually pretty relaxed about these kind of scenarios but I think your DH needs to give this one a miss. How would he get back if you went into labour at 11pm/midnight? The first train probably wouldn't get him in until breakfast time - he might miss the whole thing!

I’d be fuming if DH even considered this to be honest. He should be home with you in the event you go into the labour.

I don’t think they would, there are 10+ of them in the group who all live in the south east.

The problem is I said it was fine to go as he initially said it was an afternoon meet up but now it seems it’s going to run into the evening/night. If he’s had a drink and there are no more trains he won’t be able to get back.

No from me too close to due date and too far away. Surely he can miss one time to meet them

It’s a no from me. I’d grandparents had to take the toddler, presumably you would have to give birth without anyone to support you? I know it’s a cliche but labour with number 2 is often much quicker.

When you say “away for the night” do you mean overnight or just for the day and getting the train back? I think this should be one of those things that he decides pretty much on the day tbh. There tends to be signs that labour is close so you might get to 38 weeks and not have had any twinges.

My first was born at 37 weeks and my second at 40+1. Don’t count on them coming early!

I think he wants to stay overnight as the last train back is quite early.

There might be signs but there might not as I didn’t have many with DC1! I felt completely normal until waters broke and contractions started a few hours later.

Presumably if he is out all afternoon and evening he will be drinking so even if he gets the last train at 10 p.m. he's not going to be much use to you - or able to drive you to hospital etc? He needs to stay home this time.

Going to go against the grain here. If it’s just one night id say depending on the day off (signs of labour on the horizon etc), yes. Funny enough my only reservation is based on his ability to recover from a hang over if the baby comes later in the day after he is back. He probably wants one last hurrah before the chaos starts again (selfish yes) but if he is one of the good ones I’d let him go.

Yes I would be alone as it’s just MIL who lives nearby and she’s on her own. My own family are several hours away.

It would be a definite no for me. Babies 2,3 and 4 I was in labour for less than 3 hours each. For something so unnecessary, it's easily avoidable.

Sounds like hubby needs a kick in the arse and a reminder that he shortly to be a father to two children.

Tell him to get his head out of his ~. Family comes first, not a drunken jolly in Soho.

Why are you even entertaining this my considering if your being unreasonable for saying no

tell that selfish twat no way in hell
what a utter cunt

He can see his mates anytime, but his wife will only give birth to his second child once, and there are no do-overs.

The risk that it could happen while he's out and you'll have to give birth alone, without him there, should be enough for him to want to stay home with you.
He needs to sort his priorities.

Absolutely not!!! 2nd babies come quickly. He shouldnt be even be drinking. Bang out of order him even going so close to yr due date

Would not be happy with this, he's cutting it a bit fine! I'd actually be pretty peeved he's considering it and is able to have a piss up jolly without the worry of his wife going into labor hours away! Surely he can give this one a miss.

Tell him clearly you need him to be there for you.

That you're frightened and worried about what might happen.

That you, your baby and your toddler need him to step up and be there, to be husband and father first.

Ask him to stay - and to want to stay.

This is his duty now. Ensure he knows that's how you see it.

What he decides to do will have consequences - because you'll know if he goes that him having a jolly was more important than his wife feeling safe and supported and comforted at a critical time.

And if he decides to stay, if that involves sulking and moping - especially if the baby doesn't come and he complains that 'see, I could have gone and it would have been fine'? Well, that will also tell you that he didn't want to be there for you at a critical stage. That you meant less than his good time.

Ask him. Tell him. Observe him.

Basically this. men who even consider doing this aren't decent human beings. I can't imagine a decent man deliberately wanting to be so far away and very likely drunk with a heavily pregnant wife at home. Where's their concern for their family?

Someone on here (and I wish I could remember who because it was genius and they deserve all the credit) a comment that this needs to be his decision. Not making you choose between being a big meanie or a cool wife.

He needs to chose. The genius went on to say that anytime a man puts you in this position you should tell I’m that he should think about what a decent human being would do in this situation, taking into account all the factors, variables and priorities, and do that

Thats what I’d say to him. Don’t be put in the position of decision maker. This is his choice. And it will tell you what kind of man he is.

I don’t think he should go either. I used to be fairly chill about these things thinking there would be signs labour was coming / time to get back but my first baby took about 40 hours of labour whereas my second was 2.5 hours start to finish with not a pre warning sign before at all. It’s not fair for him to be so far away with no means of getting back and being drunk. Think how much you’ve had to miss/ give up being pregnant - he can miss one thing.

No drinking in the last month. Ready to jump in car to hospital.

Well I'm an independent woman so I wouldn't have stopped hubby, I'm perfectly capable of sorting things myself and with our recent twins he was actually working away I was home with 2 under 5s ...was all done and dusted by the time he got home tho home births are easier well they were for me but ye had plenty of family and friends if I had wanted them but I was all good

His pals and his drinking is more important to him than you and his child and his unborn child .

I would be so disappointed in him OP for even suggesting this.