DH night away 38 weeks pregnant

[Clockworkbananas]

DH wants to go away for the night to meet up with friends and I will be 38 weeks pregnant. It’s a few hours away on the train (London, we are in the north east) and I’m guessing he’ll have a few drinks. Last train back is about 10pm.

AIBU to say no? We have a toddler already so I will be looking after them. They could go to grandparents if I went into labour but DH would probably not be there. Toddler was born at 39+1.

Nah. I’m usually quite relaxed but Dd2 arrived fast and out of the blue with no warning at 36 weeks. In your scenario Dh would have missed the whole birth entirely.

Where do you find such juvenile @ ssholes and why do you put up with it?

I’d say it’s not your decision and that it’s for him to decide. At the end of the day if he chooses to see his friends over staying either you then it tells you everything you need to know to know about him!

I saw that comment too and also thought it was profound: “think about what a decent person would do in this situation and do that”.

I agree that you should put this decision entirely on him. Be very clear about what he would be risking, ask him what he thinks would be “the right thing”’ to do. He’s not a child he shouldn’t need you to tell him how to do the right thing. I hope he doesn’t let you (and himself) down.

Is this some of sort of joke?

He won’t want to get a train as early as 10pm !

If it were the few hours afternoon meet up (as he originally said) then yes but it's now become something else, so I'd say no.
Could he compromise on making it a shorter event?

If your husband is going from the afternoon into the evening, then he's going to be drinking, and likely be tipsy. The last train home is 10 pm, so what would be his plan if you went into labour at midnight???!!! How would he then get home, so he could be there to support you and be there for his child's birth?? The reality is that isn't going to happen! He'd likely be too tipsy/drunk to travel even if he could find a way home and be in no state to offer you any support. If it was the afternoon, he wasn't going to drink too much and planning on coming home before the last train, I might have said, that's OK. However, that's now not the case and he wouldn't be back home before the following day. His priority now should be you and your unborn baby, not going out with his friends - he needs to make sure he's there for the birth and more importantly to support you. There's plenty of time in the future to meet up with friends and sometimes being a responsible adult comes first.

I'd say that you are very much an outlier in your ability to cope with giving birth to twins without the support of your DH and with two other children under the age of 5.

Did you give birth at home overnight when your other children were in bed or were they in the room with you while you gave birth?

Your situation is very far from the norm and there is a reason that fathers are encouraged to be present at the birth to support the labouring mother.

Your very unique experience and how you handled it doesn't mean that OP is wrong to expect her DH, who isn't working away, to turn down the invitation to a day of drinking in London with an overnight stay when she could go into labour at any time.

He is not engaging his brain or he is being incredibly selfish

He’s an idiot. My second was two weeks early, no warning signs, 5 hours after first contraction she was born. My first took 3 days.

He could very easily miss the birth if he goes and leave you to do it on your own. Why would he even contemplate that?

Mind blowing. This is one where perhaps it's okay for him to go down for the afternoon, but I'd expect him to a) limit his drinking and b) prepare to come back on the last train. I mean, I guess if you were feeling totally fine and relaxed, you could agree at 9pm that okay, he stays over, but that seems unnecessary. he really can't cut back on drinking for ONE night?

And I say this as someone who loves a drink, regularly takes a bus/cab/train to go out so I can enjoy a drink etc but who is also perfectly capable of just having one or two when necessary if I have to come home early or drive or be prepared for the next morning.

Yes I agree with this 👆 tell him it's irresponsible of him. Who is going to help you get to the hospital and take the child to the grandparent's house?! He shouldn't even consider going.

I went away from London to Edinburgh for a few days in week 37/38, but it was a phenomenal course that I had a one-off chance to join for free, which really helped my career and, therefore, the family in the long run. I say this to position myself somewhat as someone who recognises it can be OK to go and not just to bash him. I felt awful, and no way I'd have done it for fun with my mates. My wife was late the first time and had her sister close by, all in all it felt just manageable, but in his case he needs to show some responsibility, parenting takes some hard choices and putting your family first, I don't actually think this is a hard choice.

I disagree with this sort of approach. Op is having their joint child and there's an older child to consider. If you cannot be demanding at this time when can you be? I'd tell him to stop being so bloody immature, stupid and selfish, because clearly he is too thick and immature to do the right thing. Men like the OP's husband are exactly the sort to go on a drinking jolly right about the time their wives are about to give birth, and once he's done that what's the point of 'knowing everything you need to know about him'? How does that knowledge help her once she's stuck with him with 2 kids?

clear communication is so crucial, we read all the time on here about women who've built up insurmountable resentment towards their husbands for their selfishness over the years. This isn't the time to be passive aggressive, it's the time be clear and firm and lay it out in words of one syllables.

I don’t think dH should put his v near giving birth DW in this position! All pregnancies/births are different, neither of you should make any decisions based on birth of your now toddler.
He can have a drink @ home & act like a responsible adult?

I think you’d be fine at 38 weeks if he’s going out as a one off. Different if he wanted to go out every weekend

Some of the responses on here are utter nonsense. Op your 38 weeks you’ll be fine without him for one night. Let him enjoy a night out with his friends

Not sure why some posters are saying things like hes a selfish cunt etc. there really is no need to be vulgar.

Id be fine with this and would ask my mother or someone else to accompany me...and that is IF i went into labour...

Its one day.

As a PP said, put the decision back on him to make. He is likely wanting someone to blame rather than making the decision not to go himself. Express your concerns and wants but in the end leave him to make the decision.

My DH wouldn't have stayed out overnight and wouldn't have drunk enough to not be able to drive that close to my due date. Our joint decision was always after 36 weeks that was reasonable. Key is it was out JOINT decision not me telling DH not to do things or DH asking for permission to do things.

My husband wouldn’t even consider going tbh.

I’d say no to this. Last 2-3 weeks before our due date my husband stopped going his football days out and stopped having and drinking incase he was needed to drive. Some might think it’s a bit much and he was maybe just over an hour away but he has poor signal at the games and didn’t want me to be unable to contact him.

Everyone is different but I think at 38 weeks your more than entitled to say I really don’t feel comfortable with this and as your partner he should be prioritising how you feel right now and supporting you

At 38 weeks, he should go but there needs to be a contingency plan.

I would ask him to give this one a miss. I had my first at 37 weeks and 3 days. DH had been a couple of hundred miles away on business that day and he rang me to say that it was snowing heavily and he wouldn't be able to make it home. I was fine about that, but he turned up in the evening having decided to risk it.

Just after midnight I went into labour. I went from nothing at all to full throttle in a few minutes. I was so incapacitated I needed help to get my shoes on. There was nothing on the roads, which was just as well as DS1 was born shortly after arriving at the hospital. I genuinely feared he would arrive in the car. I would have been in a total state if DH had not been there.

You also have a young child to care for. Goodness me, he needs a shot of reality!