is it awful to get one of the kids a birthday present from a car boot sale

[sunnywithashower33]

hi sorry this is long i just need to get it out because my heads not working right today and i feel like im messing everything up again . we went to the car boot yesterday with my sister because she said its good for finding bits for christmas and the younger two needed some clothes but i didnt have a clue what i was looking for really and i was just following her round and trying not to think about how much everything is costing at the minute . anyway my middle one is 8 next week and he keeps going on about this lego set with a car and a little garage thing he seen it on youtube and i looked it up and its like 40 something quid which i just cant do right now not when dp hours got cut again and ex keeps saying hes going to transfer money but then he doesnt and i hate waiting for it .

so at the car boot i seen the exact lego set on a table and the lady said 3 quid so i grabbed it quick but the box was all crushed and the tape was peeling so i wasnt sure if it was all there but she said her grandson built it once then never touched it again . i didnt open it til i got in my sisters car and some little bits are missing i think but i dont even know which ones because i dont know what order the bags come in and i cant check it properly because the baby kept throwing things out the box and then my sister said im overthinking it and most kids dont even notice if lego is missing and i should stop panicking over everything all the time .

then later on my oldest said people will know its second hand because the box looks bent and he said his cousins always get brand new toys and that really stung and i started going on about when we grew up we had nothing new ever and now im sat here worrying that other parents at his party will judge or think im tight if he opens it in front of them or he tells someone it was from a car boot . he tells people everything he never keeps things to himself . its stressing me out and its just supposed to be a little birthday thing .

i always try my best but it never feels enough and now im sat wondering if im being awful to wrap a car boot present for an 8th birthday even if its what he actually asked for . sorry if this makes no sense ive barely slept . am i being unreasonable here i really dont want people thinking im a bad mum .

One of my best presents ever as a kid, to the point I remember how excited I was now and I am 45... was two big tubs of lego (including lego technics) bits my Mum got from a carboot. I hadn't asked for a specific set as I knew they were expensive. In fact these two tubs turned out to contain all the bits for a motorbike and some other vehicle, as well as tons of standard lego. We got YEARS of joy out of that, and I think she spent only about £5 on what has to have been hundreds of quids worth of Lego.

Mine regularly get a mix of new and second hand, they don't really register what's not brand new because it's always been normal to them. If you have time I'd maybe have a go at making it while he's at school/in bed, to make sure it's buildable. If you already have a box of mix lego, you can probably find bits to substitute in for anything missing.

I don't think it's unusual to open family gifts at a separate time, we always did it that way when I was a kid. It's nice to open any he gets from party guests whilst they're there, so he can thank them.

Would your eldest help you sort through the pieces to find out which ones are missing? The instruction booklet should tell you what pieces are in which bag, so it should be possible to rebag it into sandwich bags and number them up. Nothing wrong with giving second hand Lego, even if a few pieces are missing, you should be able to replace them for much less than £40.

No but they also don’t need Lego sets that they are hankering after with missing pieces.

He doesn't need to open his gifts from you at the party. He will be happy to have the exact one he wanted, im sure he won't be fussed about the box. You're doing your best and it's all good, don't stress.

@sunnywithashower33 just a warning. If you order any missing pieces directly from Lego (via their pick a brick service) they can take absolutely AGES to arrive as they mostly come from Poland.
They also don't have all parts availability.

You are clearly a very loving mum and I can feel the anxiety in your post but please don’t worry about this! If I saw a wee boy getting something second hand at a birthday party Id feel a) impressed you found something good b) jealous about you saving the environment and saving money c) wish id had enough thought to do it too but i pay for convenience (shame on me)!

I really want to in still in my children to value something for what it is, not the shiny box it came in.

Also on a slightly different note, take your ex to court to get a reasonable contribution. Theres nothing worse than men that don’t pay an appropriate amount for their children!

I wouldn't look down on you. I'd think you were very sensible and being kind to the planet. Make sure that you have got all the pieces and the instructions though as others have said.

You can buy missing pieces from sets online. I’ve done it myself when I bought pre loved Lego for my DS Christmas. Didn’t bother with the original box. Any old box would do.

currently eyeing up pre loved Lego on Vinted for DS 19 now! It’s a retired set…