Cross posted for visibility-Single mum planning an EU relocation with SEN child — looking for advice from anyone who’s done similar

[SeaBoundMum1995]

Hi all,
I’m a single mum with a young SEN child (non-violent, mostly speech delay and sensory stuff). His dad hasn’t had any contact in years and has never pursued court, mediation, CMS, or any involvement at all. It’s just been me doing everything.

I’m starting to plan a long-term move to the EU (likely Spain or nearby countries in the next 3–4 years). I want to create a safer, calmer, more affordable life for me and my son. UK costs and a complete lack of family support have made things quite difficult here.

I’d love to hear from anyone who has:

• moved abroad as a single parent
• relocated with a child who has no contact with the other parent
• navigated SIO/PSO applications
• moved to Spain with a child
• dealt with SEN schooling abroad
• handled the UK admin (benefits, passports, GP records, etc)
• moved without close family support
• built a support network in a new country

I’m also curious how you handled:

• telling family (especially if they weren’t supportive)
• the legal side around the absent parent
• timing applications so things didn’t clash
• emotional/behavioural impacts on your child
• what you wish you’d known beforehand
• anything that went wrong or surprised you

I’m not moving immediately, I’m planning properly over the next few years. I just want to learn from people who’ve already been through it rather than reinvent the wheel.

Any advice or experiences would be massively appreciated ❤️

It sounds crazy!
Do you speak Spanish?
How would you intend to support you and your child?
Have you looked into visa application and entitlement?

Have you EU citizenship?

I work in immigration, and a huge number of Spanish people did the opposite due to poor support and attitudes around disabled children. Apparently, Portugal and Italy are worse. France tops the list of unsupportive places. Our send system is in shambles but at least general attitudes are positive.

I’m self employed and entirely self sufficient and make decent money. I literally don’t have a reason to stay here other than my son, hence the question

Do you have the right to live and work in Spain?

I’d do it via self employed visa and proof of sufficient income. I’ve outgrown the shackles of the United Kingdom and wish to give my son a better quality of life, fresh air, cheaper fresh produce and more time outside etc

You mention benefits though? What benefits are you talking about if you're entirely self sufficient financially?
I think your biggest hurdle is immigration rules post brexit, unless you have EU citizenship?

Unlike others OP, I'd go for it if you can. You can always come back. Do you have enough money to buy a house outright?

Don't expect a foreign country to offer much help for your child.
Does your child understand Spanish?
Do you speak Spanish?

But if that's what you want and you can afford it then just do it!

Hm. Make sure that home education is permitted in law. As a teacher and parent of an autistic DC who has struggled in mainstream education, I was shocked to find that, in my country of origin, when children with SEN (typically ND learners) struggle to attend school due to overwhelm and anxiety (often referred to as EBSA in the UK), there is no option for parents to opt to home educate. There, all children and young people are required by law to attend an education establishment; parents are prosecuted and children and young people unable to go to school are potentially fostered as wards of the state. It's hard in the UK to battle the education system when your child is unable to attend school, but at least you can opt to keep them home. Not so in other countries.

Have you checked you can get a visa with a dependent who has SEN / a diagnosis? It’s a criteria for assessment for a lot of countries, and in those cases, applications are often declined.

Id also be checking if you can get a visa, what services and education you’re entitled to access.

Benefits in terms of my son’s DLA and Child Benefit, legally not my money

You expect UK to pay benefits after you move? Or Spain?

I would plan with no benefits.

Is your son noticeably disabled? You'll find he's treated much worse in Spain than he would be in the UK. It's way behind in accessibility and attitudes. Hard for locals with large support networks, i would think you're mad to be moving on your own.

Spain isn't an easy country to homeschool in. You really need to study the law if you want to do it.

Well it depends on the level of SEN surely? The ops son might be perfectly fine in mainstream school.

Me too

Could you instead move to a more affordable part of the UK and spend all school holidays in Spain?

You and your child may well have an isolated and lonely life ahead; put the effort into improving things in the UK.

Some of these comments really highlight why I’m leaving the UK.
I asked a straightforward legal question, not for strangers to psychoanalyse my competence or my son’s worth.

I’m financially stable, self-employed, and already planning visas, SEN support, and long-term logistics.

If anyone has actual legal information, feel free to share.
If not, I won’t be replying further. I don’t have the energy to absorb other people’s fears dressed up as advice.

For what it’s worth, we’ve been isolated and lonely in the UK since my son was born. I’ve had zero help from my family, the father or his family. We’ve fled DV and survived poverty and are still living. I’d rather we were lonely on the beach in the sunshine with cheap fruit than be lonely in the house in the rain like we frequently are.

Why do you think you will be less isolated and lonely in Spain?

The curse of AIBU 🤷‍♀️

Attitudes towards SN in Spain aren’t great, particularly outside of cities and in more traditional areas: we have friends in southern Spain who are really struggling with access to education and therapies for their autistic DS. There’s a lot more view that “impaired” children should be hidden away, or are a burden to other children in school, and a lot more judgement about bad behaviour when out in public.

Do you speak fluent Spanish? You’re going to have an enormously tricky time navigating systems and pushing for therapies and support you need for DS, which isn’t freely given, if you don’t.

OP I think posters are trying to help by talking about the realities you may face as living abroad can be difficult.

From my experience of living abroad who didn’t have children to consider, it can be a daunting process. Even if you speak the language, everything is different and makes it much harder to navigate, for example, the medical system. This will be even harder for you given that you have a child with SEN and therefore may need to access additional support - it’s hard enough do in this country when you do speak the language and have a better understanding of the system

A lot of people only think about a move abroad to escape the difficult situation they are currently in without considering how hard it really is to integrate into another country.

Maybe you have thought of all of this, but if not, please do listen to other posters experiences as well as getting the legal position.