Cross posted for visibility-Single mum planning an EU relocation with SEN child — looking for advice from anyone who’s done similar

[SeaBoundMum1995]

Hi all,
I’m a single mum with a young SEN child (non-violent, mostly speech delay and sensory stuff). His dad hasn’t had any contact in years and has never pursued court, mediation, CMS, or any involvement at all. It’s just been me doing everything.

I’m starting to plan a long-term move to the EU (likely Spain or nearby countries in the next 3–4 years). I want to create a safer, calmer, more affordable life for me and my son. UK costs and a complete lack of family support have made things quite difficult here.

I’d love to hear from anyone who has:

• moved abroad as a single parent
• relocated with a child who has no contact with the other parent
• navigated SIO/PSO applications
• moved to Spain with a child
• dealt with SEN schooling abroad
• handled the UK admin (benefits, passports, GP records, etc)
• moved without close family support
• built a support network in a new country

I’m also curious how you handled:

• telling family (especially if they weren’t supportive)
• the legal side around the absent parent
• timing applications so things didn’t clash
• emotional/behavioural impacts on your child
• what you wish you’d known beforehand
• anything that went wrong or surprised you

I’m not moving immediately, I’m planning properly over the next few years. I just want to learn from people who’ve already been through it rather than reinvent the wheel.

Any advice or experiences would be massively appreciated ❤️

the absolute most
important thing here is what your son’s needs are and what countries are supportive of this.
Does he have a diagnosis?

There is a lady online who took her autistic daughter to thailand and apparently it’a great! Don’t quite know though.

I wouldn’t agree at all that attitudes towards special needs are less advanced here; if anything it’s the other way round. If you need any specific treatment I’d suggest looking at whether it exists in the language you need. For example, my daughter had hearing loss and it was very difficult to access a hearing test administered in Catalan rather than Spanish (she couldn’t speak Spanish at the time because of her hearing).

Your attitude is so ungrateful. People are trying to help you and give you examples of considerations you may not have considered. Instead of taking it gracefully your responses are quite bizzare with your chat about “putting your fears on to me”. Truth is no one gives a shit in so far as it doesn’t affect them, they are just trying to give you food for thought but crack on
if you know it all!!

Hi - Catalunya resident here.

1. I’d advise you to look at tax rates in Catalunya - some of the highest in Spain. Living here has done absolutely nothing for our family’s financial health, sadly 😳
2. To be autónomo here (self employed) is quite the admin procedure. Social security payments aren’t cheap. If you miss even one you lose the lower rate you’re entitled to for the first few years and have to immediately pay up at the full rate.
3. Rent here is prohibitively expensive. Not sure where in the UK you are but you need to check Idealista to check what you can afford to rent. Deposits are typically 2 months rent and there is a certain selectiveness on the part of agents when it comes to renting to families and single parents. Totally discriminatory and, weirdly for here, it’s not being dealt with.
4. Public schools here are apparently really well set up to work with SEN kids. I don’t have experience of that but I’ve heard good things. A lot of public schools have project based learning too which many parents quite like. However the PISA test results come in 2 years below average in some subjects IIRC. The educational standard is, as far as I can see (teacher in an international school) lower in the public sector. It depends on priorities for you for your son I guess?
5. If you’re fluent in Spanish and Catalan already you’ll integrate much better than most of us have managed.
6. There are some social welfare projects here (thanks to the higher taxes) to support single parents - but I don’t know much about them. Eg if you’re sick to the point that you can’t look after your child and you have no other support the ayuntamiento will provide a babysitter. Not sure how easy it is in reality.
7. Catalunya in general has a very socialist mindset but there’s a growing feeling that the city is being diluted because it’s an increasing target for ‘expats’. As someone who doesn’t look Spanish I sometimes feel that dissatisfaction when I’m interacting with locals.

So in summary it’s quite breathtakingly expensive in many ways and if you’re not able to absorb that it could cause a swift exit (I’ve seen it a couple of times). But if you can afford it, and get the visa (even being self employed it isn’t easy, you need an experienced lawyer) then there seems little to stand in your way. Despite all of that we’ve carved out a life that works nicely for us here, and the sun is an added bonus 🎉

I am a teacher and my school has many SEN children whose families do not speak English - many are refugees. For those children with speech and language needs particularly if they are ASD, their progress is very difficult. They cannot understand speech therapists or us as teachers, their parents cannot understand us either. The frustration is palpable. We use interpreters a great deal, but again this adds to the frustration for the children.
It is clear from everyone’s responses that your plan to move to Spain (or another non English speaking country) isn’t going to happen in the near future. In the meantime, you can begin to help your Ds to become more familiar with the language by exposing him to as much Spanish as you can. Even going as far as him watching kids TV programmes that are in Spanish. (plots of our pupils learn English by watching American kids TV!)
Im concerned as others are that you believe that a move such as you’re planning will improve the quality of you and your DSs lives - you talk about the cost of living, the weather and not having family support. I don’t know enough about the COL in Spain compared to the UK, but I do believe it’s pretty comparable. Regarding the weather, yes it can be miserable in the Uk in winter, but it can also be miserable in Spain living with 40+ degrees heat all summer. It’s too hot to sit on a beach at that temperature! The lack of family support obviously won’t improve by moving abroad, so that’s a bit of a red herring.
As my father used to say when someone asked his advice, ‘I don’t want to piss on your chips, but I don’t think you’ve thought this through carefully’.

Hi, what are the best countries in your opinion?

Your son's benefits would stop as he would no longer be a permanent UK resident. I think the child benefit could continue to be paid for 2 months but he wouldn't be eligible to claim DLA from when you leave.

I don't know about Spanish legalities but you've mentioned you claim CB over here so presumably your income isn't that high. Does your son require much in terms of health care? How will you fund that? If you manage to find somewhere that you can homeschooling, how will you work when they are with you 100% of the time? If you were to die or become incapacitated whilst overseas what is your plan for your DS?

If I were to die here or there, the legal outcome for my son is the same. The question is irrelevant to the topic.

We live in Catalunya. I can't comment on the possibilities for your child but please look very carefully at the visa requirements for you to be self employed here.
To be approved you will need a convincing business plan and demonstrate the need for your business in Spain.

As a previous poster has said, tax rates here are higher than the UK and the self-employed (autonomo) National Insurance rates are very high.

Would it? If your ex didn't want to look after him how would he return here? Who would fund it? If he isn't a UK resident I don't think UK SS would be interested. Would he be allowed to return as a Spanish resident to your relatives? What would happen in the interim? What would happen to him in Spain? These are the sort of things you need to be looking into. I'm guinely trying to help and suggest questions you may not have considered. You are used to having a safety net in the UK. 'It'll be reet' as a parent with a child with additional needs usually isn't enough.

Honestly it doesn't seem like there is any reason for you not to go for it if you feel lovely and isolated here , it might be nicer weather over there to be lonely and isolated in.
Not sure about how it would affect your visa situation my only concern would be your play to be self employed and also homeschool. In my experience of my travels my friends came from my work colleagues or my kids parents friends that they met through school. It might be easier to build a community of friends if you at least did one of those which ultimately it seems like you're wishing for more than location itself .
good luck

I have no safety net in the UK nor does my son. I lost my friends due to having to flee DV, believe me when I say I’ve literally got nothing to lose in this country. My son would be just as screwed in either country

I get it, I have a child with AN, you feel abandoned by the system. But we both know that if you died in the UK he would be housed, fed and provided with care. You need to check that the same would be true in other countries.

As someone fleeing DV I would advise approaching anything relating to family court with caution. Right now you are left to parent your DC. If you ask at family court to move abroad your ex will be contacted and this may initiate contact from him, if he can use it as a tactic to abuse you.

How much do you earn per annum? What savings do you have?

If you have a potentially sen child, I would move sooner rather than later. I have a DS with mild dyslexia and autistic traits. I used to fantasise about moving abroad, but it would have been a complete disaster if we had.
After a relatively straight forward reception year, he really struggled in year 1 with both anxiety and academics. We had to work really hard for several years to support him with his literacy and keep a lot of consistency in our lives to get him back on track. If I had thrown in a new language / country at that time I don't think he could have coped at all. If you moved earlier, you might have a better chance of your dc adjusting before school starts.

That would be stupid on his part because I have a non molestation order and an occupation order, both stipulated that he was allowed to contact me and attend the address for child contact reasons but he did neither of those things. He’s done many terrible things to women that if he became a problem, someone somewhere would ‘handle’ him, he’s not a popular guy by any means

Baseline earnings after tax is £47,000 and savings I already have £15,000 specifically for moving abroad and stuff like visa costs and court fees etc

How old is your child, and how independent? I grew up in the suburbs and hated the lack of access to places. I now live in an area with great public transport links and my 2 DC can do almost everything by themselves. I know you are planning for an au pair so you need at least an extra bedroom, but I would prioritise a place with good access to everything. And when I mention costs, I'm talking about services, extracurriculars, therapies, transport, etc. Where I live houses are expensive but services are relatively cheap.

He’s 4 so independence is basically non existent, independence for him right now means playing in the front room while I’m in the kitchen cooking.
I get what you mean by that as he gets older and/or becomes more capable.
What I intend to do is move out there into a rental property with 12 months minimum and then assess the situation from there, if it ain’t broke then don’t fix it, but if it’s not what I want then I’ll just move again into another property closer to the amenities I’m looking for. Not too different from what someone moving to the UK might do

Make sure your savings are three times the level they set for yearly income for one adult and one child.

Do you own a house in the UK?