Cross posted for visibility-Single mum planning an EU relocation with SEN child — looking for advice from anyone who’s done similar

[SeaBoundMum1995]

Hi all,
I’m a single mum with a young SEN child (non-violent, mostly speech delay and sensory stuff). His dad hasn’t had any contact in years and has never pursued court, mediation, CMS, or any involvement at all. It’s just been me doing everything.

I’m starting to plan a long-term move to the EU (likely Spain or nearby countries in the next 3–4 years). I want to create a safer, calmer, more affordable life for me and my son. UK costs and a complete lack of family support have made things quite difficult here.

I’d love to hear from anyone who has:

• moved abroad as a single parent
• relocated with a child who has no contact with the other parent
• navigated SIO/PSO applications
• moved to Spain with a child
• dealt with SEN schooling abroad
• handled the UK admin (benefits, passports, GP records, etc)
• moved without close family support
• built a support network in a new country

I’m also curious how you handled:

• telling family (especially if they weren’t supportive)
• the legal side around the absent parent
• timing applications so things didn’t clash
• emotional/behavioural impacts on your child
• what you wish you’d known beforehand
• anything that went wrong or surprised you

I’m not moving immediately, I’m planning properly over the next few years. I just want to learn from people who’ve already been through it rather than reinvent the wheel.

Any advice or experiences would be massively appreciated ❤️

I’m fluent in Spanish and Catalan. The region I’m considering is Catalonia, a quick google search will show you that it’s one of the most progressive regions in Spain for the disabled. I know google isn’t gospel which is exactly why I’m planning holidays there first

I’m not making decisions based on anecdotes from other people’s Facebook friends. I’m looking at legislation, lived reality, and actual logistics. That’s why my plans are moving forward and your fears don’t apply to me

Things I'd consider (from a triple nationality family who moved back to the UK - different country but lots of the same things to consider)

• Taxes; if you permanently reside in Spain, HMRC need to know. There's usually dual reciprocity on tax agreements, but you'll likely need to file in the UK and Spain, and could be liable for tax in both
• NHS; if you want to come back and use the non emergency services, you will have to prove that you are a long term resident of the UK. being a citizen is not proof enough - you need to prove you and your kid live here permanently. We had to provide proof of long term residency, school records, travel records, taxes etc
• Banking; post Brexit, the ability to keep a UK account whilst permanently residing abroad has become very difficult. I think some with premier account status still allow it but they're a minority. Same with credit cards. Highlighting this as if you run your own business, you'll need to figure out payments etc. You can not disclose it, but if the bank finds out, they will close your UK account and disable your cards

I'd also consider your point about the climate etc. Yes, it's much better than the UK, but it gets cold in winter, and Spanish houses generally aren't insulated, dont have central heating etc and in the summer it can be baking to the point of not wanting to go outside in summer months. High temps are great on holiday but when you live somewhere and work / have to do mundane stuff on a daily basis, it can soon lose its appeal

Maybe join an ex-pat forum, just type in the country/s you are interested in, and ask the members about your proposal. They have been through the immigration process and maybe some have had SEN children also. Worth a try.

Then maybe contact the Embassy of the preferred country and ask for information or signposts to organisations/the law/systems around it/etc. that you are researching.

Thirdly but probably very important, is find out what the accommodation situation is like. Finding rentals abroad is becoming very difficult particularly in Spain, but that might depend on where in Spain you want to settle. Obviously the coastal areas are at a premium, but there are hidden gems inland.

Look at healthcare provisions, although I believe that once you have established residency you qualify for State provided medical care. But until you do, check out what you must have in place health insurance wise.

There are lots more issues, but none insurmountable. Legwork needed!

We leave UK at Christmas for an EU country. We have dual citizenship.

We expect to bring no benefits from UK. And only expect to recieve the local child benefit as we qualifiy for it. It's not a lot of money.

We have found a school for our child (mild autistic). It's private and a good fit.

We don't expect help as it's a long wait for people in the country. Our case won't be seen before the locals. We might get support later on if needed but it won't be first thing.

We have jobs from 1.2.2026. You need to be 100% sure of your income. I worked both in EU and UK for a few years - it was legally hard to navigate. Make sure you are sound.

Be prepared to pay for more things than in UK as you are not a EU citizen - and to help yourself.

Everyday life isn't t that different from UK I think. You'll do fine if it's what you wish for.

Op I hear you. I have a similar child. it can be really isolating and hard.

I would definitely speak to a SALT before embarking on this because we were advised that a two language context would make his speech delay harder to resolve. I would try to select an English speaking country or a country where not speaking the language will not be a problem socially for your dc. Mine is now an autistic teen (still with some speech issues) and I think accessing the wider community would be really hard for him in another language environment.

Would a move within the UK help maybe?

You don't be able to claim DLA and child support if you relocate to Spain. You will have to claim in Spain (provided you can, some countries have certain waiting times of several years after relocation before you can put a claim in. Things may also be more complex post Brexit).

Can you even just move there after Brexit?

Try looking around and read on the Living overseas-board, too. Lots of people writing about Spain there.

Good luck to you and your child, OP!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/living_overseas?page=9

So you’ve had a vaccine personally, you’re financially independent and successful, you speak fluent Spanish, you can work from other locations. You’re doing your research regarding your son’s needs. I think it sounds like a wonderful idea. Obviously Spain has its issues, as do all countries 🤷‍♀️.

I’m sorry I don’t know about legalities. But wish you the best of luck and hope it goes well. No looking back x

My husband’s step-brother lives in Span his wife and son. A condition of their visa is showing that their son is registered at a Spanish school. The school provided them with the proof they needed. I’m not sure if it’s their specific visa, or all visas but for them homeschooling isn’t a legal option. So they had to be fully sorted before they moved out there.

Would you be able to spend some time out there looking at the best schools for your child before you committed to moving? Husband’s family ended up moving their child, as they were quite unhappy with the first choice they made (it was rushed to endorse their visa was ready). The upheaval of a second move for a sen child could be even more tricky. Good luck!

edited because I posted too soon.

People on this thread are talking about the realities - which you asked for. You are posting about some kind of halcyon unreality. You haven't even been on holiday to the place you want to relocate to?

I can't see if it has been mentioned but just be careful with the ex - is he on the birth certificate and does he have PR? If he has you may find he blocks you. If you rely on CMS for maintenance you may also struggle to access that if you have to give up your UK bank account, for example

Why don't you go for a holiday and ask in person using your language skills? You'll find out more from locals and officials on the ground where you want to live than here on MN

Vaccine?! Bloody auto correct. Should be ‘tough time’

It isn't about analysing anything, it is about the reality of living in countries that are not as SEND friendly as the UK.

For example in France, SEND support will be zero and there is no allowance for home schooling. And even if you find a 'on paper' SEND friendly area it will come down the the local people who will find financing SEND support for non natives a bit cheeky. And for example where I am, the local mairie is worse than useless on pretty much everything so expecting any support about a subject like this is completely pointless. You will more than likely be on your own, unless you find a supportive group of locals out there long before you actually arrive.

When I lived in Spain (early 2000’s) and had my son he got CB but I had to be resident and working (I was). (We were all British citizens as I had NIE and his dad was full resident having lived there since a toddler and having a Spanish step dad)

So if you have right to live and pay taxes you should get CB but I’d check rules haven’t changed.

I’ve been on holiday there multiple times since my youth. However I’ve not travelled out of the country since having my son. That’s why I was asking about Specific Issue Orders, so I can obtain one in order to take my son on holidays and get the ball rolling. Also as my son’s father is on the birth certificate, I legally cannot take my son out of the country without either his permission or permission from the court; anything else is legally considered kidnapping. Don’t hold me to your own fears and lack of ambition. There are refugees who leave their country with nothing but the clothes on their backs and despite the many obstacles, they manage to make lives for themselves and I’m not in that situation. I have my own money, a clear plan and all I asked for was advice on the legal side not for my ambitions to be scrutinised by people who likely wouldn’t have survived a month of my life much less years of it.

I think you need to repost to Living Overseas, find another forum specifically for expats in Spain / families in Spain with disabled children, make an appointment with a solicitor in the U.K. regarding the legal aspects of removing your child from the country when his father has PR, and make some plans to actually visit Spain and get the lay of the land and learn more about what provision is likely to look like. You’ve asked on Am I Being Unreasonable?, hence why you’re receiving the opinions you don’t want to hear.

I wasn't rude, but seeing as you are being, let's have at it.

My own fears and lack of ambition?

Mate I moved to the Falkland Islands for four years not knowing a soul with a single suitcase. You move to a remote place 800 miles from the Antarctic and then come back and tell me about fear and ambition. You're considering a move to mainland Europe - how bold, how brave!

Oh and I used to work for the Welsh Refugee Council and your description is stereotypical and harmful. We used to work very hard to displace hurtful, naive and damaging narratives like yours.

You utter twonk.

Hence why I posted to ask about Specific Issue Orders and Prohibited Steps Orders. I don’t get any maintenance and he’s not even seen our son in over two years. By the time I’m ready to move, my son will be seven and will have spent five of those seven years, fatherless in every single way

I'm a teacher in Spain.
I teach in a mainstream school with an increasingly high number of SEN students.

*Don't listen to posters talking about negative attitudes to SEN un Spain. Just not true.

• Everything is very, very dependent on whereabouts in Spain you are planning to go. There are massive differences in education budget ( and therefore SEN provision) in different regions.

• You mention Cataluña. This is one of the regions where you will find the problem of bilingual, in your DC case trilingual, education. Catalan, Castellano and English. It's not just one new language the pupil is encountering, but two.

• Is it doable?
  Of course. I am in a region which is also bilingual, Spanish and Basque. We also teach English, so three languages. This is an added complication for non native students, but we do have very very good SEN specialists and currently have a few UK born students. I'll be honest, some are thriving more than others, but you seem like you are doing good research and as they say, .....you won't know if you don't go.

Good Luck.

What I did had some similarities with what you're doing. I moved to Portugal though. Feel free to dm. In my experience, if you can pay for support, therapies, cleaners, you will be fine. Otherwise, not so much.

Are you planning to live in Barcelona, or in a smaller city? Big cities are more expensive but probably have more resources for SEN.

The rules have changed since.

More than likely Barcelona/Girona my usual stomping grounds over in Spain. Cost wise my 2 bed terrace costs me what a 4 bed in the suburbs would cost me out there

Thank you so much. This is literally all I asked for in terms of SEN support for my son. Plus a place where I am less stressed and will be able to afford an au pair or a nanny to help me with my son, can only be a good thing

In that case I'd suggest it is unlikely he would raise an SIO or PSO so as long as you don't provoke him it sounds like that won't be an issue. The only worries would be going forward when you have to potentially sign anything that legally declares you have sole PR for example. I sometimes get things from the school for example but I have made them aware that the ex doesn't have PR and has highly restricted contact. I don't think it should hinder you going, but something to be mindful of in case he does cause trouble when your ds is older (ours popped up out of the blue and was 2 yrs of court to keep him without PR, like you he doesn't pay maintenance, never seen DC etc). You don't want to sign something re education or health then have him use it against you.