Page 3 | I’ve been married twice and didn’t ask either MIL to my hen do

phantomofthepopera · 15/11/2025 11:07

I’m married twice. I didn’t have a hen do. I went out for a drink and a meal with a few friends before my first wedding but did nothing 2nd time around. I also bought both my dresses on my own.

MySilentLions · 15/11/2025 11:16

TrishM80 · 15/11/2025 10:31

I always suspect that when in laws are expressly not invited to hen parties, that there's going to be a stripper involved and the hen is going to get up to no good with him! Why the secrecy otherwise?!

Maybe they just want to relax and get drunk with good friends rather than in front of someone they are not close to/not fond of/don’t want them to hear things they talk about? It’s really NOT hard to imagine that someone may not want either Mum or MIL to a night out! Doesn’t need to be a stripper

Original poster

NotNowMrTumble · 15/11/2025 12:23

Rocknrollstar · 15/11/2025 09:14

Speaking as a MiL I was upset not to be invited to the hen do or to see wedding dress or to bridesmaids dress fittings (DD wanted me there).

Yet it wouldn’t occur to me to go to the dress fittings etc for my son’s fiancée come the day they get wed…. Unless her own mother had sadly passed away and the bride had asked me specifically because she really wanted me there.

OP posts:

Curlygirl06 · 15/11/2025 13:09

When my eldest got married she invited me and her future M I L to it. She gets on well with her, as do I, and for various reasons her M I L stayed with her for considerable lengths of time over the years, both pre and post wedding. There were daytime activities and an evening based around drinking activities which is not my thing as I don't drink. I went home, MIL stayed and partied on! Fine by me.
Second daughter, similar thing although her M I L and family live in Ireland so logistically they couldn't go, although I think she invited them. Again, daytime activities and drinking in the evening, I went home.

Newbie8918 · 15/11/2025 13:45

Rocknrollstar · 15/11/2025 09:14

Speaking as a MiL I was upset not to be invited to the hen do or to see wedding dress or to bridesmaids dress fittings (DD wanted me there).

When your DD gets married do you want to share dress choosing and other intimate moments with her MIL?
You sound entitled ‘I was upset’. Concentrate on your son. Go with him to his suit fittings (I bet you weren’t invited to those either).

Northernladdette · 15/11/2025 13:46

Buzzlightfear · 15/11/2025 09:16

No but I didn't invite my mum either. If I had then I probably would have done.

Although I don't think anyone should have to invite their MIL just because they invite their Mum. It's obviously a personal choice.

Edited

This decision, which has caused all the issues we have read about. Does nobody consider or care about anyone’s feelings anymore?🤔

Regarding the wider story, it looks like Adam is marrying the whole family rather than Holly. I’d be miffed if he was my son 😢

Wexone · 15/11/2025 13:54

I didn't invite either my mother or mother in law on my hen party. I don't think it's appropriate to invite them it's a night out with yoru friends and letting your hair down. I did afternoon tea for both my mother in law and mother instead. it was more appropriate and they really enjoyed it
@Rocknrollstar what on earth made you think that you would go to your daughter in law to pick her dress? nor bridesmaids dress - nothing to do with you. just to note for my own wedding I picked my dress on my own brought a friend to see it just to be sure. bridesmaid dresses were bought on line. no one saw my wedding dress apart from my friend tull day of wedding. it had nothing to do with anyone bar me

Emmz1510 · 15/11/2025 14:04

It’s a very personal thing that will vary hugely from situation to situation, no hard and fast answer.
It will depend how close the bride is to mil, age/health of mil, the nature of the hen do, budget etc…
Some people do a quieter, more sedate function for older relatives or eg lunch or afternoon tea with a few drinks, and a more rowdy night out later or a weekend away for friends etc….
Its really up to you.

WannaSweetie · 15/11/2025 14:19

I wasn’t invited to hen do nor was MIL, we were supposed to go to an afternoon tea instead but that never happened. In the dress hunting period I encouraged DD to include MIL & they were together when ‘the one’ was found 😁

OhYeahOhYeah · 15/11/2025 14:32

NotNowMrTumble · 15/11/2025 07:51

Frankly, it didn’t occur to me.

My hen parties were for my bridesmaids, friends and my close family members.

WIBU?

Nope, didn’t invite my husband’s Mum or sister to mine.

That said, I wouldn’t willingly invite them to anything!

Thebigonesgetaway · 15/11/2025 14:34

I maybe missing something, I didn’t think it was the norm to invite your mil to the hen, I certainly didn’t invite mine, but then we didn’t invite her to the wedding either as we got married abroad, she asked to come and we said no.

jasminocereusbritannicus · 15/11/2025 14:35

My daughter didn’t invite me ( or her future mil) to her hen do, nor did I expect her to! I was however involved in most other aspects ( including dress choosing) at her request.
I wasn’t arranging her wedding…. She and her fiancé did all that as they had been living together for some time. I was not in the least put out. I even put up with my ex husband’s partner ( whom he left me for) for the actual day! I was totally nice to her!

ItsNotMeEither · 15/11/2025 16:02

I married in the 80s and didn't invite my mother or MIL to my Hen's night. This was a night out with my four closest friends.

I have four sons, so I'm trying my hardest to be a good MIL.

My eldest son got married this year and my now DIL had a lovely weekend of events for her hens. I received an invite, but I'm not socially inept, so I knew I wasn't supposed to be at all parts of the weekend. 😎

Events ranged from paint and sip, a big night out, games, a high tea and a breakfast.

I contacted her lovely maid of honor and asked which parts of the weekend would be most appropriate for me to attend. In the end I went to the high tea and the casual breakfast. It was lovely to be included, but also not to intrude on the 'real fun' where I'm sure the bride to be and her friends let their hair down a bit. I really did feel very honored to be included, it was lovely.

W0tnow · 15/11/2025 16:10

Newbie8918 · 15/11/2025 13:45

When your DD gets married do you want to share dress choosing and other intimate moments with her MIL?
You sound entitled ‘I was upset’. Concentrate on your son. Go with him to his suit fittings (I bet you weren’t invited to those either).

Show quote history

I wouldn’t expect to be invited as a MIL either.

But this is a perfect example of the kinds of posts that are unnecessarily mean. Just why? And where is the entitlement? The poster was upset she wasn’t invited. Ok. Fine. She didn’t say she demanded to be invited. She didn’t say she asked to be invited. And why on earth the dig about her son? Jesus! I’m genuinely curious as to what motivated you to post what you did.

MrsB74 · 15/11/2025 17:53

There is clearly more to this story than a hen do. His mum is very different to her’s so you can see how it happened. Complete culture clash. I certainly didn’t ask my MIL on my hen do (so not her thing), but neither did I invite my step mum (I lost my mum a few years prior to the wedding). It just wasn’t a thing with my friends twenty odd years ago. It really depends on your relationships and what you are doing. My DH went on DSS’s stag, as did DSS’s step dad. DSD didn’t have any parents (or steps) on her hen.

bugalugs45 · 15/11/2025 18:51

I had 2 hen do’s , one was a very tame afternoon tea at a hotel, my mum and MIL came to that . They wouldn’t have attended the ‘boozy’ weekend away

Sartre · 15/11/2025 18:55

I don’t think it’s just about that though. There’s been a lot of nastiness aimed at his family
generally (allegedly) with Holly insisting his mum can’t wear her £40 dress. The whole situation stinks of Adam getting far too big for his boots. He’s a working class kid marrying into an incredibly wealthy family and I think he’s got swept away by it all. I think he’ll regret it when they divorce.

Would love to know if he still sees his DS much.

dundermiffling · 15/11/2025 18:58

Well his mum’s just proved them right not to invite her by giving an interview to the Mail. She clearly can’t judge how to behave or conduct herself in the world her son is living in thanks to his sporting success (which she clearly supported). I have some sympathy for his mum but she’s not behaved well and she’s probably just hammered in the final nail herelf.

Newbie8918 · 15/11/2025 19:49

W0tnow · 15/11/2025 16:10

I wouldn’t expect to be invited as a MIL either.

But this is a perfect example of the kinds of posts that are unnecessarily mean. Just why? And where is the entitlement? The poster was upset she wasn’t invited. Ok. Fine. She didn’t say she demanded to be invited. She didn’t say she asked to be invited. And why on earth the dig about her son? Jesus! I’m genuinely curious as to what motivated you to post what you did.

Show quote history

It absolutely was not a dig about her son. It was a genuine question. I’ve seen countless MIL threads, ‘upset’ about not being invited or included in XYZ activity, yet never one complaint about not being invited to her son’s suit fitting. Her own child.
The motivation of the post was not to be mean but was to provoke situational empathy. If you DD was the bride, would you be begging her to include MIL in intimate moments like dress choosing? Why aren’t you ‘upset’ with your son to the same degree for not including you in the choosing of the suit? No more, no less.

Netcurtainnelly · 15/11/2025 20:14

Emmz1510 · 15/11/2025 14:04

It’s a very personal thing that will vary hugely from situation to situation, no hard and fast answer.
It will depend how close the bride is to mil, age/health of mil, the nature of the hen do, budget etc…
Some people do a quieter, more sedate function for older relatives or eg lunch or afternoon tea with a few drinks, and a more rowdy night out later or a weekend away for friends etc….
Its really up to you.

Rowdy why does your hen do need to be rowdy?

Netcurtainnelly · 15/11/2025 20:17

Sartre · 15/11/2025 18:55

I don’t think it’s just about that though. There’s been a lot of nastiness aimed at his family
generally (allegedly) with Holly insisting his mum can’t wear her £40 dress. The whole situation stinks of Adam getting far too big for his boots. He’s a working class kid marrying into an incredibly wealthy family and I think he’s got swept away by it all. I think he’ll regret it when they divorce.

Would love to know if he still sees his DS much.

Bloody serve him right if his ex stopped him seeing the son for a while.
Sake, he just a swimmer at the end of the day.
Holly's done sod all just relied on being her father's daughter, she'd go well with Romeo Beckham.

Original poster

NotNowMrTumble · 15/11/2025 23:21

ItsNotMeEither · 15/11/2025 16:02

I married in the 80s and didn't invite my mother or MIL to my Hen's night. This was a night out with my four closest friends.

I have four sons, so I'm trying my hardest to be a good MIL.

My eldest son got married this year and my now DIL had a lovely weekend of events for her hens. I received an invite, but I'm not socially inept, so I knew I wasn't supposed to be at all parts of the weekend. 😎

Events ranged from paint and sip, a big night out, games, a high tea and a breakfast.

I contacted her lovely maid of honor and asked which parts of the weekend would be most appropriate for me to attend. In the end I went to the high tea and the casual breakfast. It was lovely to be included, but also not to intrude on the 'real fun' where I'm sure the bride to be and her friends let their hair down a bit. I really did feel very honored to be included, it was lovely.

This is one of the loveliest posts I have read on here for a while. What a considerate and kind person you are. Future MiLs: take note!

OP posts:

Northernladdette · 16/11/2025 08:45

W0tnow · 15/11/2025 16:10

I wouldn’t expect to be invited as a MIL either.

But this is a perfect example of the kinds of posts that are unnecessarily mean. Just why? And where is the entitlement? The poster was upset she wasn’t invited. Ok. Fine. She didn’t say she demanded to be invited. She didn’t say she asked to be invited. And why on earth the dig about her son? Jesus! I’m genuinely curious as to what motivated you to post what you did.

Show quote history

Welcome to Mumsnet, where mean is the norm 🙄

W0tnow · 16/11/2025 08:55

@Northernladdette i first joined 20 years ago. The vindictiveness is now next level.

LilyCanna · 16/11/2025 09:19

TrishM80 · 15/11/2025 10:31

I always suspect that when in laws are expressly not invited to hen parties, that there's going to be a stripper involved and the hen is going to get up to no good with him! Why the secrecy otherwise?!

Well that’s a hell of a weird take.
Leaving aside the fact that many brides wouldn’t pick their MIL to socialise with by choice, of all the hen dos I’ve ever been to (between about 2005-2015) off the top of my head I can only remember one to which the older generation (Mum & MIL) were invited - and that was just for the afternoon bit. They were all about letting your hair down a bit, chatting, dancing, drinking (those who weren’t pregnant which was always a thing at later hen dos).
Making polite conversation with parents and grandparents is for the wedding, not the hen!