I’ve been married twice and didn’t ask either MIL to my hen do

[NotNowMrTumble]

Frankly, it didn’t occur to me.

My hen parties were for my bridesmaids, friends and my close family members.

WIBU?

I got married in the 90s … had a weekend away with close friends and then a meal out with my mum, MIL and aunties etc.

I think there’s far more to the HR furore!

Why? It's people who are close to the bride. So many entitled MILs these days.

I asked my MIL to my hen do but she was on holiday so we had a pre-party dinner instead. Shame but the holiday had been booked way before the hen party 🤷‍♀️

I didn't even have a hen do when we got married over 30 years ago. Didn't want one.

If I had wanted one then it would just have been me and a few friends. My mother wouldn't have come, she'd already said that. My MIL? I don't think she would have been interested and although we got on well enough it wasn't the easiest of relationships.

Personally, I don't see why a mum or a MIL would expect or even want to be invited to a hen do, but clearly some do expect it. Horses for courses I guess.

Of course everyone was invited to our wedding, and all came. My mother even made my wedding dress and the bridesmaids' dresses.

It was fabulous. There were no issues.

Exactly - it’s the bride’s event, not a wedding event that both sides need to be invited to.

Why would you expect to be invited to any of that by your DIL? Your own DD maybe, but not your DIL, she might want her own mother though.

Not your party, not your business.

Thank you for your anecdote. Was taking your mum/MIL the norm?

I was quite young at the time, so hadn’t been to another hen, but it ‘seemed’ normal and my sister’s friends viewed it as normal, as did mum and the MIL.

I think inciting several of the grooms family, but not his mum is always going to cause trouble. Especially when there was already tension there after telling her she wasn't allowed to wear the dress she'd bought.

Interesting. Like I said, it wasn’t the norm among my friends at the time. Would simply have never occurred to us!

I hate being on a hen thing with mums. Or did .

It’s perfectly OK not to invite your future MIL to your hen night, imo, but only if the future FIL isn’t invited to the stag night. Both families need to be treated equally.

I wasn't invited to my gorgeous DIL and def did not want to go!

I regret not inviting mil and sil- I think we would have had a laugh, I didn’t ask dm either and feel the same- the older crowd could have gone home early. I think when you’re young you’re looking at the party aspect and not see it’s a nice way to start things and join the families.

My DMil is a special part of my family so she was invited along with my DSil and members of my family.

I didn't invite my mum or my MIL to my hen do.

Ive been on 6 hen parties and had my own. Ive never known a mother or mother in law go.

Oh I did this I didn’t invite my mum & I felt terrible afterwards 🙈

Speaking as a MIL, I didn't expect to attend the Hen. I didn't think the bridal party frocks were anything to do with me, except to ask what the MoB was wearing so I didn't duplicate or colour clash. DIL's parents sorted the wedding arrangements.

I hope to be invited to dd's dress chosing/fittings because we are close and I'll pay for it. I hope she doesn't want me to go to the Hen.

I didn’t invite my mum or Mil but it was a silly/boozy do with friends in a different city and neither would have enjoyed it.

In hindsight I suspect my MIL may have been disappointed as she’s been invited to all her nieces hen dos and attended. These events have felt purposely created to include multi generations- which is lovely - but I remember secretly hoping the bride to bes got a night out or whatever they ACTUALLY wanted to do with their friends too. Their big family hen do parties were like a lot of family dos where the younger ones look after the elders (quite right, not debating this) but there was zero relaxation, pampering etc for the brides, they were “on duty” as per usual.

I travelled 4 hours to my friends hen do 25 years ago. She’d invited her mum, MIL, various aunties. It was so boring and everyone was on their best behaviour. Wish I hadn’t bothered.

Ha ha ha.

Did you miss the 'or no mums' part?

I always suspect that when in laws are expressly not invited to hen parties, that there's going to be a stripper involved and the hen is going to get up to no good with him! Why the secrecy otherwise?!

I didn’t invite my mother or my MIL couldn’t think of anything worse and I get on with them both.