Childminders at soft play

[Hollygolightly89]

I visited a soft play with my 3 year old yesterday morning. There was a group of childminders about 3 or 4 of them and they each had a couple of children. They mostly sat in the baby part of the soft play chatting in a group with their backs turned to the children the whole time and also constantly on their phones, even when the children were eating they were on their phones. Most of the children they had went off into the soft play alone and most of them looked under 2. I was quite shocked by this because if I was paying for a childminder I wouldn’t expect them to be on their phones and my child let loose in the soft play. At various points the children were crying for various reasons and they acted like it was a massive chore to go and get them. I aslo heard them speaking negatively about the children like “oh guess who’s crying again”.

The sneering about qualifications is horrible, but if someone isn’t doing their job well it ultimately makes no difference to me how well qualified they might be.

If someone with numerous qualifications thinks taking my two year old to the most run down soft play in town and sitting gossiping while she wanders around on her own is good for her independence then I’d rather go with someone who doesn’t have as many qualifications but at least is kind and attentive.

This is why I found the behaviour of some childminders so sad to observe when I took my children to playgroups.

The childminders have presumably been trained in the needs of young children, how to build confidence, self esteem, provide appropriate stimulating environments that are learning opportunities, how to interact with them to make them feel valued, loved and safe to branch out to become absorbed in play with their peers and thrive.

They must be aware of how detrimental it is for children to be ignored. It was always children who looked a bit vacant, quiet, weren’t engrossed in play, didn’t look as though they felt they belonged that were with these kinds of childminders.

Sensitive souls who don’t yet have the vocabulary to express how they’re feeling in the care of childminders. I do think it creates a sadness for the way you felt about your early years that you always carry with you and chips away at your self esteem.

There are some childminders local to a soft play I take mine to. One of the kids was crying and when I told the childminder she said “that’s just how he communicates” another time my friend had gone and one of the kids had wandered into the party room (off a corridor near the toilets) and they thought the lost him and everyone at the soft play was then hunting for this kid. This group are so interest and just sit at a table and chat. All so disinterested. But where I actually live there are two childminders and they’ve both been v good when I’ve seen them out and about. They’re both ex primary teachers though.

Gosh I feel upset just reading that 😢

My daughter’s childminder is absolutely amazing.

Not surprising. I am a sahm, so I go to lots of church groups whereI see a lot of child minders in the wild. They sit on their phones and act indifferent when the children cry. They usually have four kids each, which usually include two wild 4 year old boys who run around causing mayhem while they ignore them. The children usually have snot streaming down their faces, the littl ones cry and don't get picked up. I think people are overly optimistic about how their children are treated by childminders and at nursrey. I'm a teacher and have worked in early years settings so I've seen the indifference and boredom of staff looking after young children, so I would rather stay at time with my daughter.

@TJk86
"It’s nothing to do with what you remember. There is a great body of research showing that it’s best for a parent, ideally the mother, to stay home with a child until around age 3. Author Erica Komisar has written some great pieces on this. In summary:

• The first three years are critical for emotional development. Babies rely heavily on one primary caregiver for consistent comfort and regulation of stress.
• Secure attachment forms through constant, predictable presence.
• A parent’s presence helps regulate cortisol (stress hormone). Young children aren’t neurologically equipped to handle long periods away from their primary caregiver.
• This early emotional foundation affects long-term mental health. Early caregiver consistency is linked to resilience, empathy, and reduced anxiety later in life.

Continues, nurturing care from a primary caregiver in the earliest years best supports healthy emotional and neurological development.

Apart from that, I would not leave a young non-verbal baby/child in someone else’s care (apart from trusted family members). There are too many cases of abuse in childcare nowadays."

You may be interested in Elena Bridgers work. She discusses childrearing in hunter gatherer societies (the way the humans have lived for the vast majority of their existence). Actually babies in these societies are looked after by many different care givers at a time and often only spending around 20% of the time with their mothers.

Babies staying at home with only one care giver is actual very "unnatural" compared to the way that humans have lived for most of our existence.

She critiques the anti daycare/nursery research as it often doesn't take into account good quality vs bad quality staff, amount of time spent at nursery and the relationship with the parents at home.

My daughter has a great relationship with her nursery workers and they are the same people on duty everyday. Whereas if they were poor quality staff of course it would be detrimental.

I once took a kid to a playgroup when I was his nanny, and met a group of parents with their kids. A few weeks into going one of them mentioned something about me being a mum and I said oh no I’m not his mum I’m his nanny. They said they assumed I was mum because I spent time with the kid instead of sitting in the corner with the other Nannie’s.
don’t does happen.

they are not all like that. Some nanny jobs I have made a couple nanny friends who enjoyed spending time with the kids, and other nanny jobs i really ended up only befriending parents.

Also the nursery staff at my LO nursery are excellent and clearly live being with the kids!

@Notagain75 sorry I've replied to you but you are the wrong person! Completely misread the post as it was a similar one to mine

quite a few of the staff where my kids are have a degree in childcare.

I would have said the opposite is the case on here.

And who is monitoring who is in an out of that house all day?

For those who say they can’t remember. I can remember a nursery I went to when I was about 2. I can tell you what the entrance was like and it smelled like soup/hospitals, I get a lurch in my stomach when I smell something similar as I hated going. I mentioned it to my dad and he said they took me out after a few months as I was miserable.
i can also remember the preschool play sessions I went to when I was 3/4.

Exactly. Yes, they will be getting paid minimum wage for their work but people who think that a childminder will take better care of their kids than a parent would because she’s paid, are in my opinion delusional.

I get the bit about no money but from what you’re saying, you wouldn’t even want to do if money was no object. “Stuck with a kid”? Your kid, not just any kid. You’re making it sound like they are some terrible inconvenience to you. I would be questioning why I’ve bothered having kids with this sort of attitude (unless there is PND or other mental issues). Also, colleagues are not the only way to have adult company. SAHMs don’t just stay locked in at home 24/7, they go outside with their kid and interact with a lot of different people (if they want to).

I was a childminder/nanny for 40 years and until
I was clearly too old, people always thought I was the mum because I loved the kids and engaged with them. Ime, the ones you can spot are the ones doing the job badly.

You don't need to be with them 24/7 to do this though. And what could they be interested in if their world is at homenor the park and possibly a 50p toddler group? Nope sorry I don't see how that should possibly be good for either child or pareng

It was a nursery manager who suffocated a child by strapping them to a beanbag - junior staff were too scared of her to put a stop to it.

Again where to " interact" with these people? Park?, ok for an hour in summer, boring as hell otherwise. A 50p toddler group? Maybe lasts an hour.sp that's 2 hours out of 24 sorted and not everyday

Stuck with a kid would be due to not having resources. Whereas BECAUSE I worked i enjoyed spending time off with them, i had adult company and stimulation at work, didn't have to worry about whether we would run out of electric/gas in the flat, could afford to take them swimming and other places

There is virtually no resemblance between a nursery and a hunter gatherer society. People no longer live in such small communities and we don’t teach our children how to live and survive in our modern communities in remotely the same way.

She's judging others for being thick. I'd get my grammar and punctuation right before I had a pop at other people.

How much socialising do you do at work? Surely you spend most of your time working. As I said, you sound like you wouldn’t want to spend extended periods with your child even if money was no object which is why I said it was sad.

Maybe my age group where it was the " less academic " girls shall we say who were pushed towards childcare YTS for example rather than continuing in education

I worked face to face with people so had alot of human interaction at work even if not " socialising " Wasn't a case of sitting at a desk or on phone

No i wouldn't want to spend extended periods with young kids. I much prefer them as they get older. I really enjoyed the teen years above all else

But too many people on here seem to think if you don't live " toddler" stuff then you shouldn't have kids. Strange really