Childminders at soft play

[Hollygolightly89]

I visited a soft play with my 3 year old yesterday morning. There was a group of childminders about 3 or 4 of them and they each had a couple of children. They mostly sat in the baby part of the soft play chatting in a group with their backs turned to the children the whole time and also constantly on their phones, even when the children were eating they were on their phones. Most of the children they had went off into the soft play alone and most of them looked under 2. I was quite shocked by this because if I was paying for a childminder I wouldn’t expect them to be on their phones and my child let loose in the soft play. At various points the children were crying for various reasons and they acted like it was a massive chore to go and get them. I aslo heard them speaking negatively about the children like “oh guess who’s crying again”.

We do softplay during the week a lot and I’ve seen this loads too. I feel like there’s a large number of childminders who do the job because it enables them to stay home with their own child and get paid for it effectively, but you can tell they can’t really be bothered with the other children. Just what I’ve seen from my own personal experience.

Exactly. Doing the childminder’s school run every day? No thanks.

My SIL as an ex early years teacher is a fabulous childminder, they have a purpose built playhouse in the garden and everything and she plans themed activities around the EYFS curriculum daily. But she’ll only take them up to age 3, no school runs. I think if you have a childminder like that close by you’re very lucky indeed.

Ahh yes. Whyyyyy have children if you leave them with strangers? Will no one think of the children…?

How would you know if they were childminders or inattentive mums though?

One of the things that made me like my childminder was how attentive she was to the kids at baby groups - but because she was so attentive and only had a couple of kids - everyone assumed they were her actual children (and still do assume that when she goes to groups)

It’s nothing to do with what you remember. There is a great body of research showing that it’s best for a parent, ideally the mother, to stay home with a child until around age 3. Author Erica Komisar has written some great pieces on this. In summary:

• The first three years are critical for emotional development. Babies rely heavily on one primary caregiver for consistent comfort and regulation of stress.
• Secure attachment forms through constant, predictable presence.
• A parent’s presence helps regulate cortisol (stress hormone). Young children aren’t neurologically equipped to handle long periods away from their primary caregiver.
• This early emotional foundation affects long-term mental health. Early caregiver consistency is linked to resilience, empathy, and reduced anxiety later in life.

Continues, nurturing care from a primary caregiver in the earliest years best supports healthy emotional and neurological development.

Apart from that, I would not leave a young non-verbal baby/child in someone else’s care (apart from trusted family members). There are too many cases of abuse in childcare nowadays.

I understand not everyone thrives as a full time parent but to say it sounds like hell on earth is rather sad.

All the childminders I have seen out and about have been great, playing with the children in the park and chatting to them as they walk next to them.. Whereas I have been shocked by the nursery workers I have seen with groups of children they have taken to a green space, small children ignored while nursery workers chat, small children walked together in a long chain, one toddler fell over and was pulled up using the pack on their back.
Experiences are different, there are some excellent childminders and some terrible nurseries and vice versa.

It blows my mind when people on Mumsnet recommend childminders as a home from home environment and preferable to nurseries for babies. You can spot a childminder a mile off at a soft play centre/library/church run group in my local area.

Sad also, because you will be passing an odious responsibility onto someone else who may well think similarly, doesn’t even love your child because it isn’t theirs, and is only doing it for the money or for access to someone vulnerable.

It's not a popular view but I agree with this.
An institutional environment is not ideal for babies and very small children.

This is why I’d never use a child minder absolutely no regulation and relying on one person …. Nursey setting is much more professional and you know there are a number of workers there. Even if one isn’t very good there are others xx

I had a similar experience last night. One of my kids was at football training and as it was raining I took the others to the leisure centre cafe across the road. A child in there immediately latched onto my kids (he was a similar age to my oldest who is 9) and started wanting to chat and make friends. He told us his sister was swimming and he was waiting for her. He had an after school nanny type person who was supposedly looking after him but who was actually speaking on her phone, completely ignoring him. When he went and sat back down with her she silently pushed a Harry Potter book across the table to him while carrying on with her call. When he said he’d finished it she rolled her eyes and waved her hand as if to dismiss him. He was so sweet and she was awful to him.

I know which school he goes to and considered trying to track down the parents but I’m not sure how. They ought to know how their kids are being treated by those who are being paid to look after them.

Childminders are regulated by OFSTED, like all early years settings.

So the OP wasn’t in the soft play area with her child because they were happy enough to be off by themselves but maybe the children with the childminder were also ok to be off playing with each other

Are you thinking about nannies?
Childminders are very heavily regulated, they have to take complete training , including on the EYFS, first aid, safeguarding before they can even apply for Ofsted registration then there isn't a house check to see if the premises are suitable, which includes checking all adults in the family whether they will.be involved with the children or not, and they are Ofsted inspected in exactly the same way as a nursery.

Why? For me it would be.. Id have had no money, no company and been stuck in with a kid. Why is that a good thing?

How does this " primary " carer work in practice when both parents do equal care then?

Like both work full time on opposite shifts. And care for the child when not at work. So same amount of hours caring for child each. So which one would you count as the " primary" carer?

This is ultimately what lead me to chose a nursery over a childminder.

Were the children causing any problems at all? Or struggling to get on the soft play equipment?

It wouldn't shock me if the kids are happy playing and there is no danger (which depends on the soft play). And you don't actually know what age the children were.

My 2.5 yo is very happy to go on her own, she will call if needs help. I wouldn't expect our childminder to behave any differently than we do in that situation if the child is happy.

I guess ideally you wouldn't see it as 'being stuck in with a kid', but rather taking care of your child, interacting with them, learning what they're interested in and teaching them about the world. I guess some people naturally find this less fun than others, and obviously there are aspects of childcare that are pretty repetitive/thankless - but if I'm being totally honest, I do raise my eyebrows slightly at people who have so much disdain for being a sahm. It feels like some kind of internalised misogyny ('not like other mums') idk.

But of course everyone is free to decide what's best for their own family, and paying for engaged childcare is probably preferable to babies being looked after by a parent who resents staying at home with them.

When I was a sahm I went to soft play with my friends so we could chat and let's face it, get a break from the intensity of full on minding kids at home. You can keep an eye on your kids while chatting, it's different if the kids were hitting other kids, but for the most part the purpose of soft play is for the kids to socialise and have physical activity. They learn these skills be the parent distancing themselves not trying to lead their play and stifling them. I know it's a fair point that they are getting paid but they are also in lieu of parents and it's ok to behave as a parent does IMO. It's a job with no lunch or toilet breaks and it probably took them ages to get organised to get there so I don't begrudge them taking a bit of a break. They were probably interacting for hours before they got there so that snap shot doesn't really tell you what goes on at home.

Your ignorance is staggering. I have 2 degrees and higher qualifications and I work in a nursery. It's a personal and lifestyle choice for me. Many of my colleagues are similar, there is a mixture of backgrounds and qualifications. Yes there are some lazy staff but that's the same everywhere. I'd be more concerned right now with the narrow minded attitude you are passing onto your 'precious child'.

I'm a childminder and have been for 25 years. I don't hover around the children all the time at groups, and, yes, I do chat to other people- we do need adult conversation as well as children's! My mindees are encouraged to be independent and do their own thing, to interact with other children and to have fun!
However, I know exactly where they are and what they're doing. I know childminders who act like the ones others have mentioned on here, and they give the rest of us a bad name.

@Notagain75
Yes I am definitely thinking about child minders. I'm not mainland UK so we don't have OFSTED but there are inspections. But OFSTED aren't there everyday like a nursery manager would be overseeing the care given. And of course you get poor nurseries but I just prefer to have more eyes on my child as then if there is a bad egg it's more likely to be reported.

I know of at least 2 child-minders in my area who are taking in more kids than they are licensed for and charging a cheaper rate...just makes me concerned what else they are doing if they have no regard for the law.