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AIBU?

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Original poster

I'm married to an old fart

94 replies

ApplesAndCucumbers · 15/11/2025 02:07

Please feel free to share stories about your own SO so I don't feel like I'm the only one. We are in our late 30s, lately DH is giving me some serious grandfather vibes. On a Friday night he makes an announcement it's late and we need to go to bed despite the fact we have nowhere to be and nothing to do on a Saturday. When he is home from work TV in on full blast and mostly news channels. I'm getting regular weather forecast bulletins now. Random moaning and groaning. When I say something in my normal voice he can't hear me and says I need to speak louder. Then he gets offended and defensive when I suggest he should get his hearing checked. Suddenly he is wearing joggers and purchased an ankle support thingy. We have young children and I'm planning a family holiday for us, starting to wonder if self catering accommodation and couple of excursions will be too much for an old man to handle.

OP posts:
zazazaaarmm · 15/11/2025 02:13

Several points here.
Firstly, equating deafness, any form of disability or mobility issues with ageing stands you out as being a bit of a twat.
Secondly, watching TV all the time and being a moany bastard I couldn't deal with. Go out, either alone or with him. Dont let him stop you ever.

vincettenoir · 15/11/2025 02:26

All of this sounds fairly standard to me apart from insisting you go to bed when he does. Hopefully he will have more energy on your break. I hope you have a good holiday. Sounds like you both need it.

MolvolioPortesque · 15/11/2025 02:27

Easily solved. Go and get the frumpiest maxi dress style nightie and slippers you can find from Edinburgh Woollen Mill.
Do that thing where you make little noises like “oof” when sitting down on a chair. Buy some cheap grey marl joggers. The ones that make a Toblerone shape at the knee.
See how long it is before he notices and comments that you have changed.

Topseyt123 · 15/11/2025 03:04

Old Fart Club is here in this house. DH and I are the proud and happy members. It's a badge we wear with honour. 😎🤣

We don't go to bed particularly early, but we definitely aren't party animals and like our routines. We only go out occasionally. I'm sure our three DDs think we are very much a pair of old farts.🤣🤣

Ponoka7 · 15/11/2025 03:14

My youngest GC was born with moderate hearing loss, as said, it isn't an age thing and it's about time that the jokes stopped. We've stopped taking the piss out of other disabilities. However he might just have wax build up? That's the only bit that needs looking at. You shouldn't have to go to bed at the same time, are you sure he wasn't hinting for sex? Maturing can mean you can't be bothered with a lot of TV programmes. However there's a lot of mumbling and poor sound quality on a lot of programmes and again that fits in with hearing loss.

CuddlyPug · 15/11/2025 03:32

Perhaps he needs his ears syringed if he is suddenly deafer in his thirties.

CocoQueen2024 · 15/11/2025 03:51

MolvolioPortesque · 15/11/2025 02:27

Easily solved. Go and get the frumpiest maxi dress style nightie and slippers you can find from Edinburgh Woollen Mill.
Do that thing where you make little noises like “oof” when sitting down on a chair. Buy some cheap grey marl joggers. The ones that make a Toblerone shape at the knee.
See how long it is before he notices and comments that you have changed.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Love it!

Farticus101 · 15/11/2025 06:12

@Ponoka7

Hearing loss is not an age thing, but refusal to acknowledge it and get it checked (as is the case here) sometimes is. It is incredibly frustrating when someone does this.

My ex was like this. Constantly talking about ailments which almost always turned out to be the common cold. Never going out. Grumbling over small things. I remember lying awake at night thinking is this what I want over the next 30 years. But he was also a nasty person who couldn't be happy about anything.

Sometimes it's a lovable trait, but sometimes it really does age you having someone like that around.

whattodo1113 · 15/11/2025 06:22

Mine was like this. Left him 3 months ish ago. Can’t be arsed with it. Absolute ICK. Yuk.
hahaha tell him exactly what you’ve put on here. What’s worse that could happen? Lose your grandad for a fitter model that don’t need wd40

Hottoffeesauce · 15/11/2025 06:41

This sounds exactly like my husband. It was actually a slow slide into deep, damaging and frightening depression for him. Granted he was a bit older than yours when it started but otherwise exactly the same. Keep an eye on him - my husband hit absolute rock bottom before he (thankfully) got some help.

Ponoka7 · 15/11/2025 07:55

Farticus101 · 15/11/2025 06:12

@Ponoka7

Hearing loss is not an age thing, but refusal to acknowledge it and get it checked (as is the case here) sometimes is. It is incredibly frustrating when someone does this.

My ex was like this. Constantly talking about ailments which almost always turned out to be the common cold. Never going out. Grumbling over small things. I remember lying awake at night thinking is this what I want over the next 30 years. But he was also a nasty person who couldn't be happy about anything.

Sometimes it's a lovable trait, but sometimes it really does age you having someone like that around.

Does it age you? Or does it wear you down?
I'm near 60, I know as many younger people who have traits that are unpleasant to be around, or are liking a set way to live, as I do older people. Why have you equated age with nastiness? Or stubbornness with older people? That's ageism.

sunflower85 · 15/11/2025 16:33

zazazaaarmm · 15/11/2025 02:13

Several points here.
Firstly, equating deafness, any form of disability or mobility issues with ageing stands you out as being a bit of a twat.
Secondly, watching TV all the time and being a moany bastard I couldn't deal with. Go out, either alone or with him. Dont let him stop you ever.

Hiya, speaking as someone who got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at the age of 29 and am in constant pain daily - lighten up! Bloody hell….

FuzzyWolf · 15/11/2025 16:34

Perhaps he’s as bored with you as you seem to be with him!

CosySeason · 15/11/2025 16:37

You’re too young to settle for this.

Joeninety · 15/11/2025 16:44

He needs some new younger stuff obviously.

Jane143 · 15/11/2025 16:45

There’s more to life! Do your own thing he sounds a massive bore

Boomer55 · 15/11/2025 16:48

zazazaaarmm · 15/11/2025 02:13

Several points here.
Firstly, equating deafness, any form of disability or mobility issues with ageing stands you out as being a bit of a twat.
Secondly, watching TV all the time and being a moany bastard I couldn't deal with. Go out, either alone or with him. Dont let him stop you ever.

This. 🙄🤷‍♀️

Justlostmybagel · 15/11/2025 16:49

zazazaaarmm · 15/11/2025 02:13

Several points here.
Firstly, equating deafness, any form of disability or mobility issues with ageing stands you out as being a bit of a twat.
Secondly, watching TV all the time and being a moany bastard I couldn't deal with. Go out, either alone or with him. Dont let him stop you ever.

What? Deafness and mobility changes literally are signs of ageing. It doesn't mean only older people have them, but they are definitely still signs of ageing.

Poodlelove · 15/11/2025 16:49

When he starts early evening with his weather forecast and news bulletin and mug of cocoa.
Come downstairs naked and sit on his lap.

OrangeAxolotyl · 15/11/2025 16:53

Ponoka7 · 15/11/2025 07:55

Does it age you? Or does it wear you down?
I'm near 60, I know as many younger people who have traits that are unpleasant to be around, or are liking a set way to live, as I do older people. Why have you equated age with nastiness? Or stubbornness with older people? That's ageism.

Show quote history

Yes, good points.
I'm 66 and my husband is 74 - we are nothing like this!

wantam · 15/11/2025 16:58

Wait until he's 76 like my fella. I'm ten years younger, and by god it shows. I call him Victor M now, a comment on everything. The recliner chair that was meant for me is now his territory, it has a foot rest and a pouch at the side for the newspaper (yep) and the TV zapper. All to himself as I don't watch TV since I AM DEAF 😊and subtitles make me dizzy ha ha.

I'm at one end of the room playing with my desktop or reading, and he's at the other. Text messages all the way about tea, dinner, etc. It's hilarious sometimes. Not much moaning from him though thankfully, no point - I can't hear him! I have hearing aids which help close up but not from far away.

Being deaf has its advantages with the Victor M types.

Berlinlover · 15/11/2025 17:05

I’m 49 and my partner is 70 and is definitely an old fart.

Climbingrosexx · 15/11/2025 17:28

I just saw the title, looked at my dh snoring away and thought yeah me to! 😂to be fair though he has been up early. I get lots of news bulletins and political opinions and get told its time for bed but he is a good man, also he is a granddad so maybe granddad vibes are to be expected

Bringemout · 15/11/2025 17:28

Mine has given me an informative chat about how landing gear operates. Beat that!

Globules · 15/11/2025 17:29

So was I.

Note the past tense.

20 years +.

I should have ended it after 10.

Life is too short to wait for them to become a little bit more fun. They won't.