Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say I’m done with the cooking?

77 replies

KittensAbound · 14/11/2025 19:12

I have a large family and I’m the only one who cooks, ever. I do enjoy it admittedly but I cook for my family and dish up everyone’s before myself (which is standard I think) but by the time I sit down to eat almost everyone else has finished. Not a problem in itself but I can never actually eat my own meal. Because everyone else has finished my DH is usually off to the kitchen to help himself and little ones to dessert or strumming his dam guitar, the little kids are on at me for drinks, playtime etc and the older kids have fucking vanished. I’ve just served a full roast pork dinner with perfect crackling, roast potatoes, homemade stuffing and yorkies and 4 veg. I was the last one to sit at the table while the rest of the family have been chatting, eating, laughing and playing little games, and I hadn’t taken two bites of my dinner before the two youngest were hanging off me trying to play because everyone else had gone. I cook because I like to, but also because I like to eat what I’ve made and it feels like years since I’ve eaten a decent meal whilst hot or warm at the very least, never mind being harassed at the same time. I’ve attempted to implement stuff over the years such as no dessert until EVERYONE had eaten and finished, or we all stay at the table to clear after dinner and THEN we do games but I feel bloody invisible at times and it seems everyone gets the benefit of my efforts but me. I’ve raised this with DH and older kids a lot and nothing has changed so I’m very tempted to go ‘on strike’. Everyone can fend for themselves except littles, husband can feed them, and I’ll make whatever I fancy when I fancy for my own dam self without worrying about who likes what or how they like it cooked and serving only myself after young ones have gone to bed so I can bloody well eat AND LIKE IT!

OP posts:
Sillysoggyspaniel · 14/11/2025 19:14

Can you just plate up on the side and then everyone is served at the same time and sits together?

AlertCat · 14/11/2025 19:14

This is on your “D”H. Why on earth isn’t he respecting, and enforcing your right to, eat your meal without interruption!?

TeenToTwenties · 14/11/2025 19:17

Plate up everyone's before moving to the table.
No one starts until you are sat down.
Everyone stays until everyone has finished (unless you let the DC leave).
Basic manners.

MumChp · 14/11/2025 19:19

Sillysoggyspaniel · 14/11/2025 19:14

Can you just plate up on the side and then everyone is served at the same time and sits together?

We eat together. Try this!
And ask DH to step up!

TheCosyViewer · 14/11/2025 19:19

Put everything into serving dishes on the table and let everyone help themselves and just plate up for young children from the table. Don’t call anyone for dinner until the food is on the table. Better still ask your DH and older children to help with table setting, etc. as well as tidying up.

Prelim · 14/11/2025 19:20

Put the dinner in the middle of the table and all sit down together and serve yourselves (or both of you help little ones). Then you all eat together. It’s basic manners not to leave the table until everyone has finished, your husband should know this. But seriously eating that fast they finish before you’ve dolloped a portion of food on your plate is ridiculous - they must all suffer from indigestion!!

YowieeF · 14/11/2025 19:21

Stop, they are taking the piss

SoftBalletShoes · 14/11/2025 19:21

Oh no, this is not right. Not right at all. No one should start eating until everyone is at the table. My sibling and spouse visited and did this recently, started their dinner without waiting for me as I was dishing up mine last, and I DID notice. I wouldn't be having this all the time.

Arlanymor · 14/11/2025 19:22

Go on strike @KittensAbound - I would! Either everyone pitches in to make it a good dinner experience for you all, or they can make themselves beans on toast at their leisure. I think it's awful that your DP won't help you to manage the situation - which makes him part of the problem. Maybe a strike is the only way to hammer the point home.

KittensAbound · 14/11/2025 19:23

Sillysoggyspaniel · 14/11/2025 19:14

Can you just plate up on the side and then everyone is served at the same time and sits together?

I do think this is part of the problem. I usually serve up the little ones dinner first so it can cool enough for them to eat by the time everyone else sits down. I’m toying with ordering one of those buffet warmer things so I can just put the food in those and then we can all serve ourselves and maybe eat at the same time but I wonder if it’s worth it. Now I’m spelling it out it seems logical that people get their own drinks and someone else should lay the table and bring condiments etc before we eat.

OP posts:
MathsMum3 · 14/11/2025 19:24

I don't understand why they're all eating before you! When I cook a full roast dinner, I dish up the basics like meat, potatoes, Yorkshire pudding, in the kitchen, and put other veg in serving dishes (still in the kitchen), then take all plates and serving dishes to the dining table at the same time. So we all start eating at the same time. What's going on that they can finish their food before you even sit down?

PictureParfait · 14/11/2025 19:24

I was taught that nobody eats until everybody has been served.

KittensAbound · 14/11/2025 19:24

TheCosyViewer · 14/11/2025 19:19

Put everything into serving dishes on the table and let everyone help themselves and just plate up for young children from the table. Don’t call anyone for dinner until the food is on the table. Better still ask your DH and older children to help with table setting, etc. as well as tidying up.

I’ve tried this in the past but have a small kitchen and a small oven, I don’t often have room to warm the serving dishes before dinner. I wonder if I just stacked them and put them in the microwave would work?

OP posts:
karmakameleon · 14/11/2025 19:25

Mine did this and it was infuriating. I hated it. I found the best way to stop it was to keep the best bit of the meal back. So the older kids and DH can set the table, take drinks and sides through but you keep the main part in the kitchen till you are ready. So the meat and potatoes stay back (the meat is resting and the potatoes need to keep warm in the oven). They won’t eat with the best bits missing.

CoddledAsAMommet · 14/11/2025 19:25

It's not the cooking that's the issue, it's the appalling table manners and disrespect. I have a big family and don't recognise this at all - nobody leaves the table until everyone has finished.
You need to speak to your family and make yourself heard. Women have an absolute duty to force their children (and husbands) to see them as a human being (surprisingly hard) and not just a mum.

KnickerlessParsons · 14/11/2025 19:25

you need to teach your family that it’s very rude to leave the table before everyone has finished eating. And for that matter, to start eating before everyone has been served.

TeenToTwenties · 14/11/2025 19:27

Of course you (someone) lays the table including drinks in advance.
Then dish up all plates together. All the main dish, then all the potatoes, then all the veg (or whatever).
Then adults carry 2 plates to table and any extras.
Everyone sits and starts together.

If necessary warm plates before dishing up so food stays warm.

DancefloorAcrobatics · 14/11/2025 19:28

Food on the table, each takes what they want, DH and yourself can help the youngsters.
I think saying grace or whatever is also a good way to ensure everyone is sitting at the table.

78e22387FFGH · 14/11/2025 19:29

You make it sound like you are the Radfords!!

How many kids do you have? I have 5 and we all eat together, serving up takes, what, 5 mins? The same amount of time as shouting "teas ready" and they all sit down takes.

PurpleCyclamen · 14/11/2025 19:29

Surely you dish it all up at the same time? I don’t see how you can do it otherwise.

When you are nearly ready you call the kids down and they set the table whilst you are dishing up.

You put all the plates out on the side.

You dish up all the (for example) roast potatoes.
Next you dish up (for example) all the veg.
Then you dish up all the meat.
Lastly you put the gravy on.

The family all take the plates to the table ready to eat at the same time.

Thepossibility · 14/11/2025 19:29

I'm drawing a blank as to why you don't just sit and eat with the family? Are you very slowly making each plate one by one and bring it to the table yourself while everyone sits there waiting?Are you cleaning or something while they are eating?
I plate everything and then we all eat together. If you are slow to bring it in DH and older kids can help. Or serving from the table would work too. Or just don't call them for dinner until everything is on the table as a last resort?

arethereanyleftatall · 14/11/2025 19:31

You said in your op (this is standard I think).

um. No. It’s batshit. Insanely rude of the others, and your husband sounds appalling.

I have never ever made dinner, or seen anyone ever make dinner, and have not everyone wait for everyone to be sat!

many families say grace before they all start dinner. But certainly no eating till everyone sat.

I suspect if you told us more about your life we’d discover your husband is not very nice at all.

Redflagsabounded · 14/11/2025 19:32

I was raised that you don't start eating till everyone is at the table.

I'm have to say this though - are you faffy about serving up? Worrying about warming dishes, maybe getting a heated buffet stand...none of this is necessary. I'm asking as I used to think my ex's family was terribly rude tucking in as soon as their food arrived. Eventually I gave up and joined them because Jesus his mum would take a good 15 minutes between bringing the first food out and sitting her arse down. It was a kitchen diner and watching her was excruciating but she wouldn't allow help. Disorganised, faffy as fuck, and she'd have to clear up the pots etc before she'd sit. The fact your family haven't just started, but finished their dinners before you get there, well they're either speed-eaters or you serve really slowly.

PurpleCyclamen · 14/11/2025 19:33

CoddledAsAMommet · 14/11/2025 19:25

It's not the cooking that's the issue, it's the appalling table manners and disrespect. I have a big family and don't recognise this at all - nobody leaves the table until everyone has finished.
You need to speak to your family and make yourself heard. Women have an absolute duty to force their children (and husbands) to see them as a human being (surprisingly hard) and not just a mum.

I agree. It’s all down to parenting.
OP and husband should have taught the children from a young age to help set the table and wait until everyone is sat down before starting to eat.
After the meal the kids can either help by putting their own and their parents plates in the dishwasher or help with the washing/drying/putting away.
OP it’s not too late to teach your kids this now.

PurpleCyclamen · 14/11/2025 19:35

arethereanyleftatall · 14/11/2025 19:31

You said in your op (this is standard I think).

um. No. It’s batshit. Insanely rude of the others, and your husband sounds appalling.

I have never ever made dinner, or seen anyone ever make dinner, and have not everyone wait for everyone to be sat!

many families say grace before they all start dinner. But certainly no eating till everyone sat.

I suspect if you told us more about your life we’d discover your husband is not very nice at all.

OP is equally at fault. It seems like neither OP or husband have brought the children up to be considerate.