To think perhaps my son isn’t autistic but instead modern society is too challenging for him to cope with.

[SpinningTops]

My son is 7 and on the long waiting list for an autism assessment.

Sometimes I wonder whether he would cope absolutely fine if he was an 80s or 90s child. Maybe it’s rose tinted glasses but modern life seems so chaotic and jam packed, so much to learn at school etc.

He’s in a small class at school and seeing the number of children struggling, so many with ‘special jobs’ to just get them into the classroom, makes me think something is wrong with the system rather than all these children being neurodiverse. And this is an absolutely wonderful school which outwardly he says he loves.

It’s just something I’ve been thinking more and more about recently …

A brilliant theory has just come to me, which you are all welcome to pick holes in.

Perhaps in the past it was easier to be an autistic boy and more difficult to be an autistic girl

And more difficult to be an ADHD boy but easier to be an ADHD girl?

Reasoning: men were/ are expected to be poor at communications, "emotions" etc, and a lot of accommodations were unconsciously made for them ("don't disturb your father!" etc etc). There were a lot of typically "man" jobs available (engineering, working with figures etc). It was considered completely normal for men to have intense solitary hobbies (Although trainspotters have always been the butt of jokes to be fair!)

Meanwhile women were expected to be the nurturers, the child raisers, the communicators and emotional smoother- overs and the ones making the accommodations. No wonder so many people report their suspected autistic mums as being cold, weird and unhappy during their childhoods. And why so many women are seeking a diagnosis in middle age.

Meanwhile, disruptive boys were getting literally battered (I witnessed my Y5 teacher literally dragging the class troublemaker out of the room by his ear), told they were useless, getting kicked out of school and left to rot as teenage impulsiveness kicked in, getting into trouble and frequently ending up on the prison merry-go-round.

While their female ADHD peers- typically less hyperactive- would coast through, quietly failing, sometimes indulging their impulsive side in risky sexual behaviour as teens, but with a clear future ahead of them as slightly scatty wives and mums.

I'm sure I'm generalising a lot here though.

Another factor is what is happening to women while pregnant: constant stress; and also high sugar/fat food habits and gestational diabetes.

OP is describing too many magazines at the supermarket and "bright lights". Her kids barely watch tv or have other tech in their lives, much less social media.

There were bright lights and "too much happening" in 1970 or 1930.

Kids who didn't cope got packed off to boarding school or learned to cope with diverse unexpected situations from lots of street play.

imho, the only truly important big difference between kids now and kids 50+ yrs ago is the lack of free ranging which was hugely helpful in getting kids to learn problem solving, self-control, consequences, relationship and risk management from a very young age.

I think you misunderstand. Not every early walker is ADHD. But it can be an indicator. To indicate isn't a diagnosis. The testing for ADHD is about 4 hours long, so early walking is just a tiny addition to the information gathered.

Many, many children undertake ADHD testing and do not get an ADHD diagnosis. Assuming over diagnosis of educational psychologists and paediatricans assumes you know better than highly qualified professionals. But if that fits your narrative, nothing anyone can say will make a difference.

Having worked in a few overseas boarding schools I can categorically say that this is what happens to the children of the wealthy in countries that don't recognise ADHD/autism. Their children are sent, often overseas, to expensive overseas schools, ideally to fix, and if not to fix, to cope with.

As per the norm with MN ND threads there is clearly a huge about of ignorance on here as to what gets an Autism or ADHD diagnosis .

I think there are some very rose-tinted glasses on here. Bullying of ND kids - not just by other kids but also by teachers and other adults - was rife. Children who would now be recognised as autistic were labelled as retarded or ostracised for being weird. Children with what we would now call ADHD were constantly punished, physically in some cases. Children with what we would now call dyspraxia were relentlessly mocked by PE teachers - I remember a PE teacher calling a child a spastic. The cohort who we would now place in a "nurture group" and recognise as experiencing EBSA were still out of school, but instead of an EOTAS package they were smoking Lambert & Butler under the slide in the play park and shoplifting from Boots out of boredom. And if the "thickos" and "weirdos" left without any GCSEs this was because they were thick and weird and not because the schools were failing them.

Posts like this are hysterical. Sugar and stress don’t cause autism. 🙄

I have 3ND kids.

My ex was diagnosed with ADHD in his 30’s, he’s spent his whole life underachieving, being unable to hold down a job and self medicating with illegal substances. I strongly suspect I have ADHD too (disruptive at school, hyperactive, poor focus, bright but couldn’t apply myself to things I found boring, forgetful). I grew up being told I was a problem, from my parents, school, everybody. I bounced from job to job and eventually trained in a job I could excel in (acute clinical healthcare) but my self worth is on the floor and I suffer from anxiety and depression amongst other things.

My children understand themselves, my autistic 9 year old would have been bullied in the 80’s and 90’s for his differences, but today he is giving a presentation to his year 4 class on autism and what that means. Modern life won’t be easy for any of them but the advance in understanding and inclusivity means that hopefully they’ll grow up without severe mental health problems, substance abuse and crippling self doubt. They’ll understand where they excel and where they will need support and so will their peers, schools and workplaces. ND kids were always there, but they were ostracised and made to feel less than by everybody and everything, and had to navigate a world not set up for them without any knowledge or understanding. We have come such a long way.

”Modern life” isn’t the problem. The problem is that parents just aren’t teaching their children to be resilient anymore.

Parents should be teaching resilience from toddlerhood, but they aren’t, and then they wonder why their kids can’t cope when they grow older 🧐

Children with autism and ADHD are some of the most resilient children out there.

I sometimes wonder if the pictures is just more complicated than it's ND causing all the struggles. I do think that life is more complicated, but I also feel that feel have forgotten about a lot of the complexities we dealt with in the past.

And you can also wonder if part of the cause is not something like instability at home or bullying in school. What if child does not have a stable home life with parents with mental health problems or frequent instances of domestic violence? What is a child is frequently bullied in school? How could they not struggle when this is their life?

He was only 2 years old when the country locked down and everyone masked up.

Do you think that could've had an affect on him?

Your ignorance is very clear.

They have to manage every second of every day, day in and day out with significant difficulties that have a huge impact on life.

That is true resilience.

You could not be more wrong, but whatever makes you feel better 😘

I’m absolutely not wrong. I’ve been told exactly this on multiple occasions by very experienced professionals. Don’t need to feel better either. I’m hugely proud of my dc. Your goady post was ableist too as well as ignorant.

Bet you think paracetamol causes it too. 🙄

There were bright lights and "too much happening" in 1970 or 1930.

No you are not right. Children lived very differently then.

They especially spent far, far more time outside, did not have to go to breakfast clubs and after school clubs during the week, they ate different food, and had far less time with any kind of screen.

Not as clever a remark as you think.
Try researching what I said instead.

OP, it’s quite possibly both. I am 45 and NHS diagnosed AuDHD. Perimenopause doesn’t help but OMG, modern life is beyond me. I’m Masters educated and at the gifted end of the academic spectrum, but particularly since everything went digital with Covid I just can’t cope with daily stuff like banking. I genuinely feel disabled. I have a meeting with my ADHD nurse in two weeks to discuss exactly that - how challenging modern life is for an ND person - before I drown. I have had to change the trajectory of my career (architecture-ish) because it all became digital and even with adjustments, I couldn’t adapt enough. Paper? Yes. Pen? Yes please. Site visit with ten plans on an iPad for a house with thirty rooms (I work with country estates)? Ohhhh noooooo. I’ll just make the tea.

I don’t think this is the case.

For example, this week, my son had an assembly where they were told they would have a letter sent home that night to join the limited availability club.

The letter didn’t get sent out.

My son was so so stressed about this. He couldn’t understand. So after a huge meltdown at home we spent the evening trying to improve resilience in case he did not get a spot. Various scenarios worked through etc thinking about how would be best to react to each.

But the whole thing could be avoided by not promising a letter and stressing how limited the places are to kids in an assembly!! And again, this is what I mean, one snapshot of the week that has been difficult for him to cope with.

That is true - staff were often awful to me in secondary plus uniforms were in my secondary more inflexibale than DC had - we had blazers which had to be on till someone fainted every year.

However the low level class room disruption - losing 10 minutes every lesson to lack of pens - the noise level - even phycial violence in front of teachers - didn't happen in my 90s secondary - DH school was rough and he said once in tops sets as he was that stopped.

On top of that kids have had rigid place seating in class rooms even if they struggled to see hear and were getting constantly pestered by other kids they couldn't move - over my DC time at secondary toilet basiclly got restricted to in reality non existantant access. DD2 coped with that just about but when they started making it incredbly hard for them to actually eat at lunchtime she really started to struggled just being there.

I think some schools can be hard on all the kids - the ND ones tend to be the canaries in the coal mine and more obviously in distress first.

I am autistic but wasn't diagnosed as a child. I found school incredibly difficult to the point I refused to go in the end. I ended up in care because of that.

On the developing foetus. A factor.
Why not look up the research?