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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Worried sick in hospital with DS

85 replies

stitty · 14/11/2025 05:11

a week and a half ago my 8m old was eating toast in his high chair while I was sat infront of him watching him of course. He started to gag and was struggling with a big bit of toast that I could see at the back of his throat, it wouldn’t go down and it also wouldn’t come out. In a panic I pulled him out of his high chair to do back blows. It came to the front of his mouth I pulled it out all was good. When I pulled him out the high chair in a hurry his thigh got caught on the high chair tray. He didn’t cry so I thought nothing of it but noticed the bruise the next day. (It’s about the size of a 5p coin) DS was fine in himself so I didn’t seek medical attention.

fast forward to today DS had his 8m HV review and she noted down that he had a bruise and asked how, I told her and she said these things happen etc. later on she called me and said as he is non mobile (not walking yet) her boss has said she needs to call social services and refer us.

Around 9pm I get a call from emergency social services requesting I take him straight to a&e to have a top to toe check done by a consultant. I got to a&e and the dr said it’s tiny and no other marks he’s fine. Then sent the report to SS. SS then request we go to the ward and get signed of by a consultant on the ward before we can leave. Obviously midnight by now so no consultant available but the junior doctor checked him and said SS have reported ‘multiple marks on the body’ there’s not multiple. It’s just the one bruise. Dr noted down one small bruise and a little redness in anus area - he has that almost always as he’s on comfort milk so has wet poos. It’s not a rash as such but can be a little red if he’s pooed a few times in the day.

the Junior dr requested we stay here so the consultant can see my son and ‘relevant authorities’ decide what next. I am worried out of my mind. He’s never had any marks on him before and we have seen the GP multiple times through his life where they’ve stripped him down and they’ve seen nothing.

I suffer with PP anxiety as it is and I’m spiralling that SS think I’m some evil mother and would hurt my child purposely and they’ll take him away from me. Has anyone been through this? Please tell me everything was fine and we will go home soon with our lovely DS 😢

OP posts:
Tiredofwhataboutery · 14/11/2025 15:20

Hopefully your back home now. If it’s any consolation they do become a lot easier going once child is verbal and can explain own injuries.

Bobbysmumma · 14/11/2025 16:17

Hope you’re ok OP and home now. I did exactly the same to my DC when pulling him out the high chair quickly for the same reason (not my first child either!) these things happen. I wonder if recent cases have for health care professionals concerned.

Whatabouterytoutery · 14/11/2025 16:25

That is pretty scary @stitty but I would treat it as as positive as you can muster because say your son was at nursery or somewhere else you would be wondering what happened to him and they are of that mindset, protective of your child. You and them are on the same page and of the same mindset you want to protect your child.

He deserves multiple protective adults in his life.

Just keep going as you are being honest and open. The bruise is minuscule so it shouldn’t come to anything.

Btw you didn’t amazing during the choking too you need to own that and be really proud of yourself. This will pass.

Coco9910 · 14/11/2025 16:39

Totally understand how scary this is! Just before my daughter turned 2, she had a small fall but wouldn’t crawl after it so took her to A&E where they discovered she had fractured her right lesser trochanter. I was met by the head of safe guarding who said I was being referred to safeguarding due to an unexplained fracture in an unusual place. I was in hospital for about 5 hours waiting to speak to someone and thankfully in the end they let me go after having the xray reviewed by a number of doctors who all agreed it wasn’t possible for the fracture to have been done by another person. This was the start of her diagnosis of brittle bone disease. Thankfully SS never got involved, but I can imagine how scary it has been! I was so fearful she was going to be taken off me for a while after.

stitty · 14/11/2025 19:45

Hi all
we were let go from the hospital at about 5pm. I was questioned and then ds was checked over. Dr asked my reasoning for him having the bruise and said that what I’m saying and the bruise both add up that it’s just an accident of small baby’s!

a social worker met us at the hospital and she was super lovely. When she left she said we are great parents and wouldn’t touch ds etc! So social worker said case closed no further action and I won’t hear from them again.

thank you ever so much to all pp for keeping me company and explaining the process for me. I really appreciate it!

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 14/11/2025 20:04

SleepyLemur · 14/11/2025 09:30

I don't think they are lying. It is a known issue. If a child who is not mobile has a bruise why do they have it? It does make sense they need to check. It must be really worrying, but try to be reassured that they are just keeping children safe. Unfortunately many loving families have to also be followed up so they can find the few horrific cases. I sounds very routine though.

I can think of a couple of situations why they might have it. A clumsy toddler dropping a toy on their sibling, or hitting them with it in anger.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 14/11/2025 20:40

Bootsies · 14/11/2025 10:05

been at the receiving end of SS. they love investigating. But they will never actively do anything as it costs money (I have been begging for help as I have disabled/ND teens and there is lot of violence in the house due to this between them). we have been investigated several times. As as soon as I ask for help/respite, the file gets closed as I do all I can.

The consultant checked your child and backed up your account. I know it's easier said than done but nothing will come out of it at all. One thing I learned is to 'work with' SS. The moment you challenge/question they become vindictive. Just go along. It sounds like a massive overreaction on their part.

Edited

I don't necessarily think they are vindictive. I think they probably just come across too many families who operate under an "attack is the best form of defence" mentality that they are often just suspicious of the real reason behind it all.

I work in schools, not social services, but it happens often. A new child starts at school, very quickly there are a few little red flags which get noted. The family is on your radar. Before social services are even called in, you can guarantee that the parent has already complained themselves on more than one occasion about the school, it's any excuse to have a go. About the way they've been been spoken to by this member of staff, or that member of staff, didn't like their tone of voice, felt they or their child was being treated wrongly or unfairly in some way, or they themselves were being harrassed about attendance etc. The class is being constantly covered by supply teachers, they haven't been given enough homework/they've been given too much home work, anything and everything. It's a sad situation, they are just feeling desperate and lashing out as they know things are about to come to a head for them.

Anyway, that's all nothing to do with the OP's post.

I do find the treatment of OP over the top and wondering if it's not just the bruise on its own which has caused such an OTT response. I mean, fair enough - follow protocol and investigate, but if you don't have the resources to do it in a timely fashion for all cases, both one-off benign accidental ones and ones where there is a real concern over safety, then you should only be focussing on the ones where there is real concern.

And social services clearly DON'T have the resources. Time and again our safeguarding lead is batted away/regular social worker is unavailable and doens't get back to her for days when she tries to report an issue. On some occasions school staff have been the only authority to turn up to a child's home well after school hours where there is a serious concern over the safety and welfare of the child or the parent. It's clear that social services are so overwhelmed that in some cases as long as they know a responsible adult is with the child at that time then there is no need for them to give it any immediate priority.

In the cases that make the news, the real issue seems to be the fact that concerns are raised multiple times, and no-one follows it up, or shares information appropriately. Or there was no consent from families so the silly systems says social services couldn't take it further etc. You can bet in those cases there were multiple red flags, there is a whole history. In OP's case it sounds like this is a one-off thing so I have no idea why they have jumped so hard on her.

As a loving, responsible parent, it would be going against all my nurturing instincts to have my tired child hanging around a hospital ward for hours and hours, out of their routine, waiting for someone to be available to look at ONE small bruise, with no accompanying concerns, when they could be safe at home getting proper rest and see someone in the morning instead.

Fair enough, do the checks. But for god's sake, put the resources in place to allow them to be done in a timely and reasonable manner. It is totally wrong to keep parents and children waiting so long when they have consented to be there to tryto abide by regulations.

stitty · 14/11/2025 21:46

@CurlyhairedAssassin so it was the emergency out of hours social worker who called me last night and demanded I go to hospital immediately. Today the social worker who would be dealing with us called me and said along the words of ‘ Hi mum I’m sure your aware we’d be contacting you due to the bruise on x leg. We’ve done some background checks and it’s a one off incident which the HV described as one small bruise but she has no concerns in terms of safety of X therefore we’d just need to get a medical booked in for him on Monday to check him over. What time are you free and I can attend the hospital with you to have it done’ I then said I was there all night and she said why? I told her what I was told to do and she said this is wrong it wasn’t an urgent immediate action needed report so this was totally not needed. I let her know that we’d been told a consultant would come around and see us that morning so she said ill make my way over and we can just get it sorted now since you’ve been there all night. She was super apologetic for everything and understood that I was feeling stressed.

she arrived , we spoke through what happened. As soon as I told her he was choking she said - seen this loads of times. She said I did the right thing and if this was to ever happen again then absolutely do the same as choking is seriously quickly. Everyone drills into you how deadly choking is so I wasn’t messing around when it happened. I’ve never moved so fast and ripped him out of that chair so fast! Bare in mine he’s 99th centile and weighs 2 stone 3lbs so it’s not easy to slip him straight out hence why he got caught!

so to answer all questions SW agrees, this had been blown out of proportion for the nature of the incident. She was a lovely lady and said our little one is super happy and content which made me feel so much better after feeling like the worst mum ever!

OP posts:
NearlyDec · 14/11/2025 21:48

I’m so glad it’s all sorted. It sounds very trauma and it can be normal to feel highly anxious for up to 6 weeks after an experience like this, longer for some people, especially if you don’t get much sleep.

Be kind and gentle with yourself for the coming weeks.

goldenskiesandsilverlarks · 14/11/2025 21:54

OP, as unpleasant as this experience has been, imagine if they had been this vigorous in checks for poor Sara Sharif, or Baby P.

Granted the HV could’ve been a bit more nuanced when describing the “bruise”, but in general I’d rather they were overzealous than dismissive

Fightingdragonswithyou · 14/11/2025 22:01

A bruise on a non mobile baby automatically needs a paediatric assessment.
It's basic safeguarding so HV right to ask for it.

I know it's awful for you but the protocols are there to protect littke children.

Teathecolourofcreosote · 14/11/2025 22:05

Glad it's all sorted.

I think you were just unlucky because of the location of the bruise. If it was an arm or something they might bang themselves you probably wouldn't have been referred.

The centre of the thigh is more unusual for a non mobile baby.

But don't stress yourself over future bruises once he's on the go. The criteria then will be very different.

youalright · 14/11/2025 22:06

Im so pleased its all sorted and your now home with with your little boy. You did everything right and sound an amazing mum ❤️

Tanya901 · 14/11/2025 22:20

@stitty That's brilliant 💜

Toddlerteaplease · 14/11/2025 22:29

Beedeeoh · 14/11/2025 05:44

If there's genuinely nothing more to this then that's poor practice on behalf of social services, it's not an emergency and you shouldn't have been asked to go in the middle of the night, it's disproportionate. I hope it's all sorted for you quickly in the morning.

It’s not poor practice at all. They have done the right thing. Bit surprised they have been put in a side room. Safeguarding cases should ideally be out on the open ward. If this is the genuine story, then the OP has thong to worry about and the case will likely be closed. But better safe than sorry.

BringBackCatsEyes · 14/11/2025 22:31

I'm so glad to read your update OP. The size of that bruise and your open explanation to the HV should not have resulted in an emergency referral.

goldenskiesandsilverlarks · 14/11/2025 22:37

BringBackCatsEyes · 14/11/2025 22:31

I'm so glad to read your update OP. The size of that bruise and your open explanation to the HV should not have resulted in an emergency referral.

given everything in the news lately is it a surprise?

FoxLoxInSox · 14/11/2025 22:45

Bare in mine he’s 99th centile and weighs 2 stone 3lbs

Was this a typo, OP? Your 8 month old baby weighs 31lbs? If not a typo then what did the consultant paediatrician and the SW say about it?

stitty · 14/11/2025 22:52

@FoxLoxInSoxno not a typo. He was born 99th centile and is now 99.6th centile for weight. Btw he’s 80cm long and has the 99th centile head to match! His dad is 6’2. I’m 5’8. As he hasn’t majorly jumped centile HV is happy.

OP posts:
Beedeeoh · 14/11/2025 22:59

Toddlerteaplease · 14/11/2025 22:29

It’s not poor practice at all. They have done the right thing. Bit surprised they have been put in a side room. Safeguarding cases should ideally be out on the open ward. If this is the genuine story, then the OP has thong to worry about and the case will likely be closed. But better safe than sorry.

I'm not disputing the investigation should be carried out. The poor practice element is in treating it as an emergency and asking op to present at a&e at 9pm. The social worker has now confirmed that shouldn't have happened.

Flupiness · 14/11/2025 23:03

WHAT! My daughter was 3.5 before she reached that weight - and she’s not a small thing!

maralagagirl · 14/11/2025 23:17

I get it OP. My DS was born 10 pounds 4. He is still solid . He's the exact sme body shape as his father. Glad you got all the drama sorted. No wonder other kids get no help if they worry about a bruise like that in the middle of the night. Social workers son't seem to be very good at picking the good from the bad. Maybe they should start employing psychologists as a check and balance.

Butterflyarms · 14/11/2025 23:42

Okay, someone has lost the plot somewhere. This is complete overreach. I don't know what you do to avoid ever having contact with them again but I'd be taking steps because this is almost mendacious.

stitty · 14/11/2025 23:58

@Butterflyarmsthe SW told me to log a complaint to the county council about the emergency duty SW. especially since she questioned why we live in a different area to where we grew up as it wasn’t an investigation so it’s basically none of her business and made me feel like I was being accused of being dodgy!

OP posts:
Somuchgoo · 15/11/2025 00:03

FoxLoxInSox · 14/11/2025 22:45

Bare in mine he’s 99th centile and weighs 2 stone 3lbs

Was this a typo, OP? Your 8 month old baby weighs 31lbs? If not a typo then what did the consultant paediatrician and the SW say about it?

I find it baffling!
My 6.5yo (admittedly underweight) weights only 4 pounds more than a 8 month old baby.

Not the point of this thread, but wowsers!!!