Worried sick in hospital with DS

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a week and a half ago my 8m old was eating toast in his high chair while I was sat infront of him watching him of course. He started to gag and was struggling with a big bit of toast that I could see at the back of his throat, it wouldn’t go down and it also wouldn’t come out. In a panic I pulled him out of his high chair to do back blows. It came to the front of his mouth I pulled it out all was good. When I pulled him out the high chair in a hurry his thigh got caught on the high chair tray. He didn’t cry so I thought nothing of it but noticed the bruise the next day. (It’s about the size of a 5p coin) DS was fine in himself so I didn’t seek medical attention.

fast forward to today DS had his 8m HV review and she noted down that he had a bruise and asked how, I told her and she said these things happen etc. later on she called me and said as he is non mobile (not walking yet) her boss has said she needs to call social services and refer us.

Around 9pm I get a call from emergency social services requesting I take him straight to a&e to have a top to toe check done by a consultant. I got to a&e and the dr said it’s tiny and no other marks he’s fine. Then sent the report to SS. SS then request we go to the ward and get signed of by a consultant on the ward before we can leave. Obviously midnight by now so no consultant available but the junior doctor checked him and said SS have reported ‘multiple marks on the body’ there’s not multiple. It’s just the one bruise. Dr noted down one small bruise and a little redness in anus area - he has that almost always as he’s on comfort milk so has wet poos. It’s not a rash as such but can be a little red if he’s pooed a few times in the day.

the Junior dr requested we stay here so the consultant can see my son and ‘relevant authorities’ decide what next. I am worried out of my mind. He’s never had any marks on him before and we have seen the GP multiple times through his life where they’ve stripped him down and they’ve seen nothing.

I suffer with PP anxiety as it is and I’m spiralling that SS think I’m some evil mother and would hurt my child purposely and they’ll take him away from me. Has anyone been through this? Please tell me everything was fine and we will go home soon with our lovely DS 😢

@BeetlejuiceBeetlejuice what’s that mean? Yes we both do and yes

Tbh all children have that or more without any abuse. Insane.
I hope you soon are on your way home.

Does baby go to nursery?

Seems weird to be referred for such a small bruise it maybe HV has based her decision on something else about you personally or your situation no idea what that is though.

This is completely normal, they will have a pathway they have to follow for all bruising in non-mobile infants. They need to rule out safeguarding concerns and also medical issues. You have a very reasonable story, so it should all be fine. It must be really hard, but just cooperate and try to keep calm. It is actually a good thing they do this and it would happen to any family who this happened to. I have a family member who is a teacher and had a similar issue due to a small accident. All was fine once it was looked into, but very stressful for them to have to go through.

@BeetlejuiceBeetlejuice the HV called me about 4hrs later saying she’s just sent her files over from people she had reviewed today and her boss said to report due to non mobile but has a bruise that was it..unless their lying about the reasoning but I’d hope they wouldn’t lie!
he is due to start nursery at the beginning of Jan

@SleepyLemur that’s reassuring thank you!

I don't think they are lying. It is a known issue. If a child who is not mobile has a bruise why do they have it? It does make sense they need to check. It must be really worrying, but try to be reassured that they are just keeping children safe. Unfortunately many loving families have to also be followed up so they can find the few horrific cases. I sounds very routine though.

They wont lie its supposed to be lead by consent ,it seems massive over reaction on the face of it
I know its extremely stressful but just be open and honest with them.

Oh you poor love, you must be worried silly. I hope they let you go home asap.

Op I completely believe your version of events.
But I can also see why the HV has triggeted an alert. It almost looks like a thumb or finger mark.

I'm sure it will all be fine.

Hopefully you won’t have to wait too long before someone is able to sign you out.
The way you’ve been treated may seem well over the top, but I think (quite rightly) no matter what the protocols are everyone with safeguarding responsibilities will be being super vigilant at the moment as there has been a huge amount of publicity in the last few days about the number of missed opportunities there were to prevent what happened to Sara Sharif.
I don’t deny that I’d be worried and upset if I found myself in your position and I’d find it very hard not to complain, but I think in the circumstance I’d try my very best to stay calm and go with the flow.
Those with safeguarding responsibilities are between the devil and the deep blue sea really and whilst they may feel what they are required to do in cases like yours is not necessary they have no choice but to adhere to the protocols that have been designed to protect the child,

When i was a child protection social worker I worked with the NSPCCC. They said that the worst bruising they had ever seen was from a caring mum trying to get her child out of his high chair in a hurry. It was used as an example of how not to jump to conclusions of abuse.

been at the receiving end of SS. they love investigating. But they will never actively do anything as it costs money (I have been begging for help as I have disabled/ND teens and there is lot of violence in the house due to this between them). we have been investigated several times. As as soon as I ask for help/respite, the file gets closed as I do all I can.

The consultant checked your child and backed up your account. I know it's easier said than done but nothing will come out of it at all. One thing I learned is to 'work with' SS. The moment you challenge/question they become vindictive. Just go along. It sounds like a massive overreaction on their part.

I voted yanbu because you aren't to be worried. But, they're just doing their job, thoroughly for a change... Imagine if they'd been thorough for Sara Sharif, Star Hobson etc. I know it sucks for you but it WILL be ok xx

I literally edited my comment about 1 minute after I posted this, because I had misread it?

Has a dr been round op?

Yeh I also think it’s because it looks like a thumb /finger print. Your explanation makes sense though. Try to stay calm and let them do their jobs.

FGS, what an absolute over reaction from SS. I hope you're home soon OP. And well done for reacting entirely appropriately when he choked. You sound like a brilliant mum.

You mention OP about having PP anxiety. I really feel for you as I experienced the same.
Has this been diagnosed / known to services? If so, that fact (and the fact the bruise could look like a finger mark from grasping the thigh) will, unfortunately mean that they are bound to be a little more cautious - for all they know you may be struggling. They’re not trying to persecute you or catch you out though - they’re wanting to just rule everything out.

They need to do that with everyone so that cases don’t slip through the net.

Even if the baby is mobile? 2 of mine were walking at 9 months and constantly falling over.

I hope you're home now op, what an overreaction to what is a tiny little bruise.

Blimey if SS make such a fuss over a single bruise I can’t understand how I’ve managed to keep kids!

At 8 months old ds2 got pushed down the stairs by his brother (husband was right next to them when it happened). Checked over at hospital but given clean bill of health, no referral made. Ds3 ended up with stitches in his head when ds2 pulled him over. No referral made. Then there’s been the times I’ve given them the wrong medication, only one of those was a referral to SS and that brought no action.

🤷‍♀️

Op so sorry you are going through this. Just wanted to say based on what you have written you are a great mum doing an amazing job. You literally saved your son's life with your quick actions. That's what matters. This added unpleasantness will be over soon.💜

They have to do their job OP. Look at poor Sara Sharif and all those other kids who make the news.
Your case will be investigated and when they see that there is nothing to be concerned about, your case will be dismissed.

You are a good mother and the SS are using you to tick off a box. They will be more than happy to drag your child into hospital with a tiny bruise, falsify records by saying your child is non mobile etc because on paper it makes it look as they are doing their jobs. If your child was covered in bruises, malnourished, filthy and had drug addicts as parents they wouldn't bother their arse. You and your child are easy.

If a child is moving themselves around and getting under furniture, they are not non-mobile. Hope everything is ok.