To ask how you find a fully remote job? Commute is killing me

[CharlieJaneJay]

I have 14 month old little girl and went back to work full-time when she was 9 months due to finances. We could’ve technically afford for me to drop to 4 days a week but it would’ve meant giving up investing money for her, and missing out of family days out etc and living off beans and toast so we decided I would go back full-time.

my job is okay, an entry-level customer service role. Most people’s idea of hell but I find the work okay. It is the commute that kills me. Our nursery is only a 2 minute walk from our house (literally) but then it’s a further 40 mins to get to work. I’m hybrid with 3 days in office 2 days at home. The home days are so lovely - wake up 7am, play and cuddle with DD, take our time with breakfast, get her to nursery at 8:45am and home and logged in 9am. Breaks and lunch I’ll clean, do the dishes, pick up toys etc. Log out at 5:30pm and by 6pm we’re all cosy at home and DD is eating her dinner.

Office days on the other hand I wake up 6am. Mad dash to have breakfast, get DD ready and at the nursery for 8am on the dot, then run carrying a massive backpack with a laptop in to get to the train which is 9/10 times late but getting an earlier one would mean having to drop DD off before the nursery even opens which is obviously impossible. If train doesn’t turn up then I get the bus which consistently leaves me 10 minutes late - today the bus stopped for 15 minutes because someone literally shat on the seat and the driver didn’t know what to do.

I leave work 17:30 pm and mostly don’t get home until 6:30 PM due to train/bus delays. Train was cancelled this evening, bus showed up but they had only a single decker which was full of people and I physically couldn’t fit on the bus. I got dirty looks from nursery staff when picking up DD late (I don’t blame them) and hit with late fees. To avoid late pick ups I’ve been paying for Ubers but no Uber driver picked up my request tonight.

My commute is destroying me, my Apple Watch actually sends me High Heart rate warnings on commute days (yes I have had it checked by a doctor and I’m healthy but the stress of the commute triggers high heart rate).

I know there’s plenty of other in-person jobs that may be a bit closer and accommodate nursery times better, but I love remote work so much. It broke my heart to go back full-time after maternity leave, but I feel with a fullyremote job I’d still get to enjoy mornings and evenings with DD which would soften the blow.

Could anyone with a fully remote job please advise what sector please? I don’t have a degree so it would need to be something realistic

40 minutes one way? Mine is 1.5 hours. Hard to find any sympathy

3 days WFH, 2 days in office- OH looks after DD on one of those days

Or, if work can't do the above

3 days in office - one day OH takes DD- 2 days WFH

Any way to shorten commute? Eg cycle, scooter?

40 minutes is the minimum when everything goes perfect. When trains are constantly being cancelled due to signal issues, people fucking about on the train tracks, and then buses are a no-go because they only have single-deckers operating during the busiest route in a city- centre rush-hour, that commute quickly doubles. If it weren’t for me spending a fortune on Ubers my child would've Lost her nursery place

Why can’t you drive?

I can drive but have you ever tried commuting during rush hour from a commuter town into the city centre? I’d have the same childcare and stress issues I have now except instead of unreliable public transport I’d have parking wars and traffic

Then just be brave and put in a flexible working request!! Worst thing can happen is they say no.

Tbh I would look into driving.

I go into inner London 1-2 days per week. It’s between 1h 10m - 2 hours for me.

I couldn’t do that same journey time on the train, it would be awful.

You might find driving less stressful than dealing with trains, but ultimately it’s personal preference.

I don’t know, OP. Only 3 days in office with a 40 minute commute isn’t a bad set up. You just have to scour the job ads if you want fully remote. You may as well put in a flexible work request - you’ve got nothing to lose.

I follow a page on fb called workimg from home j9bs which posts jobs every now and again.

The bigger question is: where do you work where an entry-level job pays enough in one day to make the difference between living off beans and toast with no days out and having regular meals and days out? That sounds like several hundred just for one day. I’d stick to that if I were you. You’re on to a good thing.

Another option might be to request you can go into the office later and finish a bit earlier then make up the time in the evening once your daughter’s in bed. My commute is 40 mins - 1 hour at rush hour but only 15 mins when it’s quiet so can work 9-9.30 at home, go into the office, get there for 9.45 and then make those 15 minutes up in the evening but have saved more time than that by not commuting. The drive is also a lot less stressful. The pick up time would be harder because evening rush hour seems to start at 3.30 around here.

Haven't read every comment but I wondered if your employer has a policy that says for the office days you have to do your full hours in the office. It may be worth considering asking to leave at an earlier time on your office days and working from home before you do the nursery pick up. That's a handy arrangement to have when it comes to school hours too. You'd still have 3 days presence but not too late that means you're stressed and getting hit with late fees

Put the request in. You’re no worse off if they say no.

I worked from home/remotely from a base within walking distance distance for over 30 years before I retired: national charities with local service delivery, and the civil service (again, local role in a national team). Like a PP, I had to be out and about, but managed my own diary so that was fine.

I work fully from home with a contract that states that
i don’t really need it so much anymore as kids grown and gone, but can’t deny I absolutely love it. But then I really enjoy my job anyway, maybe that helps

I work in tech, but my employer is 95% remote workers across all functions

If your DH has 4 long shift days per week, there must be at least one day per week when you’re working and he’s not - he should at the very least be doing the nursery pickup on that day, and really the drop off too unless he’s been night shifts and really has to sleep (sleeping longer because he’s had 4 days of shifts isn’t good enough I think though).
That would take the pressure off one of your days.

Even reducing down by one more day would help. Def worth asking them.

I work fully remote in the third sector but I think fully remote is hard to get these days - I have been in this job 8 years pre covid and my contract says I am home based. Hybrid is by far the most common option.

Banks and building societies 🙌

I would guess at least half are less than 3 days in the office.

My last 3 jobs are 1 day in the office

I assume but you never know with Mumsnet and useless men that your DP is doing the nursery run the day he isn't working 7-7 shifts?

In which case, I would then try and get one more day WFH agreed and then you only have one office day to worry about?

You could ask to reduce to 2 office days a week and shorter hours on those days? That way you shouldn’t be under too much pressure on the commute? You’d need to make the time up though on the wfh days. To me that doesn’t sound like a huge adjustment so might not be difficult for your employer to agree to? It would rebalance your week and make the office days less stressful though.

Defo put the request in but in the short term could you get an electric bike or e-scooter?

My job is fully remote but you need to work early mornings, evenings, weekends and public holidays on a shift basis.

Some options:

Ask your DH to put in a flexible working request for a regular day off a week.

Do the maths of going down to 4 days.

Ask to work fully from home and if they say no, ask for 1 or 2 office days.

Ask to reduce your FTE (eg 90%) and do shorter hours on the days you’re in the office.

Also I’d love to know where you can get full time nursery for £600 per month!!

Some companies off fully remote working, even in customer service. Try a company called Sensee.

Also pit in a flexi working request

Fully remote here and again in a charity, I did work pre Covid in the office. I think charities are usually open to WFH, but you would have to have experience and it doesn't pay as well as some jobs.

Why not ask to do 8.30 - 6 on wfh days so working 2 hours extra then start 10 mins later and leave at 5 on office days to give you a bit more flexibility for pickup time?