Gay course mate acting weird

[sofiaparker]

I'm an MSc student (woman). An international course mate who wears the LGBT lanyard (my friends say he must be gay because lanyards were handed out to those who identified with the LGBT community during registration) is acting weird around me.

He is a presumably a nice individual and good looking also. I had taken the initiative to connect with him and another friend of his as I like to talk to everyone on my course. However he just sometimes acts weird and trying to be extra friendly to others when around me while ignoring me. Although during initial connection he was quite kind and polite, even introducing me to his other course mates.

1 day I was just sitting next to my best friends in class and just having a laugh while solving problems. I invited them to come with me for a talk at my alma mater. I couldn't invite too many people. He was there at the table and heard too, and just started staring at me. Many times I randomly find his gaze just watching me. I'm not the most attractive woman and I don't know why he does this as he is presumably gay.

Sometimes he ignores and sometimes extra polite, holding doors etc. I'm so confused. Or maybe he is just interested in me as a person as I am from the same heritage as him but a very different upbringing here in the UK. Even the way I speak is different.

Any thoughts on this baffling behavior? Or anything I need to watch out for?

My initial gut feeling about this guy was never so good. No idea why. I tried to keep my distance while being polite. But today in class he was really polite and I felt a good energy from him.

Just a bit confused about this interaction

I am worried at the connectikns youre making and conclusions youre arriving at.

No idea why youre placing such emphasis on sexual orientation = weird

I think you’re thinking about him and the meaning of these interactions way too much. I don’t think his behaviour is particularly ‘baffling’, it’s more that you’re hyper focusing in on it.

You seem to be monitoring his every blink and door-hold, OP. He’s not that deep. He’s probably just existing while you write the dissertation in your head.

For a start, what do you think the B stands for in LGBT? He's not automatically gay because he's a part of the LGBT+ community, you know?

Well now I'm hyper focused on it true, after his weird behaviour! I was putting focus on sexual orientation as I thought he was gay and shouldn't be interested in me. But honestly it could be something else too like jealousy or wanting to be friends.

After seeing another comment I suppose he could be bi. But in my experience a lot of bi people from his culture (conservative) don't put themselves out there.

Or maybe he is just curious. No idea. But won't lie - still baffled

Because I'm straight and he may be gay!

Do you fancy him OP?

I’m getting vibes that you fancy him and you’re hoping someone here is going to tell you he fancies you too and isn’t gay.

You sound like the weird one

Maybe he's wondering why you keep staring at him and analysing his every move 🤷‍♀️

Erm, ok....

I wear a rainbow lanyard at work to show that I'm in support of our LGBTQ network. I'm straight. I wouldn't jump up conclusions.

Didn't you write about this the other day?

Literally nothing you describe seems weird...more like you over reading into his behaviours and intentions. I sometimes just zone out and possibly look likenim staring but its not necessarily a conscious choice! I'd try not to focus/overanalyse so much. He MAY fancy you/be desperate to be your friend and may reach out but so far it sounds like he's just been polite and amicable. You keep "noticing" him, maybe he's just noticed you watching him and feels equally weird about it. For the record, I have a "rainbow" badge on my bag as I consider myself an ally so he could easily be straight (or bi) despite your assumptions.

LGBT doesnt really mean gay anymore, we've abandoned it 😂
He's probably heterosexual with some sort of "identity".

Holding doors for someone is just regular polite, not "extra polite." Does he speak to you? I don't think his behavior seems odd, but it doesn't seem like you need to interact with him, so just ignore him.

So you are just guessing he is gay - he could be bi and therefore ‘like’ you? He could have chosen the LGBT lanyard because he is an ally. Lots of assumptions being made, really.

Okay thanks guys. I do not fancy him 😂. And trust me I'm not staring. But literally no one else at uni has given me this mixed weird vibe. And yes we do talk. He has made a conscious effort to talk. Just friendly chatter - I will stop overanalyzing. I don't think he fancies me either. But it is just weird honestly. And I'm usually not the kind to dwell on behaviors. But this one truly baffles me. Maybe I haven't explained well here on this post.

In the uk use of Alma mater is unusual. He’s just been neutral/friendly from the sounds of it. I don’t understand what being gay has to do with any of this

In the uk use of Alma mater is unusual. He’s just been neutral/friendly from the sounds of it. I don’t understand what being gay has to do with any of this

You should stop thinking about him.
You don't fancy him, you claim.
He doesn't fancy you, you think.
You think he's gay because he has an LGBT lanyard. He could be gay or bi or an ally.

He might be from a culture where they stare more. I was born in the UK, now live in a country in Central Europe. People just tend to stare more here. I found it rude and unnerving at first. Whereas I was brought up being told it's rude to stare, it's not considered rude here and people do it all the time.

I presume you are also an international student from your written English? I know you say you are from the UK. Have you spent much time around men or have you come from at sheltered culture? You sound quite immature. I'd just give this guy a wide berth and concentrate on your course.

I don't really understand what there is to be confused about. He hasn't flirted with you or tried to chat you up. What you've described sounds completely normal from someone who is an acquaintance on a course.

He might be gay, he might be bi, or he might be a straight ally, we don't know - but it really doesn't matter if he's gay or not, because there has been no sign that he is interested in you.

Do you only look at people YOU fancy? You seem to be making some slightly bizarre assumptions. Would you like him to be attracted to you? Does this fuel the assumptions you are making?

Just do your coursework and be polite and friendly to everyone. And stop trying to second-guess what a random person might or might not be thinking.