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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Gay course mate acting weird

77 replies

sofiaparker · 13/11/2025 14:55

I'm an MSc student (woman). An international course mate who wears the LGBT lanyard (my friends say he must be gay because lanyards were handed out to those who identified with the LGBT community during registration) is acting weird around me.

He is a presumably a nice individual and good looking also. I had taken the initiative to connect with him and another friend of his as I like to talk to everyone on my course. However he just sometimes acts weird and trying to be extra friendly to others when around me while ignoring me. Although during initial connection he was quite kind and polite, even introducing me to his other course mates.

1 day I was just sitting next to my best friends in class and just having a laugh while solving problems. I invited them to come with me for a talk at my alma mater. I couldn't invite too many people. He was there at the table and heard too, and just started staring at me. Many times I randomly find his gaze just watching me. I'm not the most attractive woman and I don't know why he does this as he is presumably gay.

Sometimes he ignores and sometimes extra polite, holding doors etc. I'm so confused. Or maybe he is just interested in me as a person as I am from the same heritage as him but a very different upbringing here in the UK. Even the way I speak is different.

Any thoughts on this baffling behavior? Or anything I need to watch out for?

My initial gut feeling about this guy was never so good. No idea why. I tried to keep my distance while being polite. But today in class he was really polite and I felt a good energy from him.

Just a bit confused about this interaction

OP posts:
Burntt · 13/11/2025 17:23

Just be polite and keep your distance. I feel strongly that women should not be socialised into suppressing their instincts when they get weird vibes from men

Dgll · 13/11/2025 17:53

TesChique · 13/11/2025 14:58

I am worried at the connectikns youre making and conclusions youre arriving at.

No idea why youre placing such emphasis on sexual orientation = weird

To be fair he is wearing a lanyard which is largely about sexual orientation.

Needmorelego · 13/11/2025 18:04

Dgll · 13/11/2025 17:53

To be fair he is wearing a lanyard which is largely about sexual orientation.

Or some people are just oblivious and wear one because they like the colour 🤷

sofiaparker · 13/11/2025 18:06

Burntt · 13/11/2025 17:23

Just be polite and keep your distance. I feel strongly that women should not be socialised into suppressing their instincts when they get weird vibes from men

Thank you! I understand where other commenters are coming from. But I genuinely feel something is off. I don't fancy him really. And I feel like the mums of this net are pressuring me to believe that I do. And I am maintaining my distance. I will continue to do so. Your comment really helped me believe I'm not just suddenly going crazy. I'm usually quite self-focussed too. Thank you for your comment.

And to the commenter suggesting I'm international. What in my use of language makes you think so! English is my first language! My gosh.

OP posts:
sofiaparker · 13/11/2025 18:07

Those lanyards were given out to those whose associated with the LGBT+ and not just allies.

OP posts:
sofiaparker · 13/11/2025 18:08

To be honest I think what I was worried about was scams- as I have heard a lot of internationals come to the UK with honey-trapping in mind.

OP posts:
Dgll · 13/11/2025 18:10

Needmorelego · 13/11/2025 18:04

Or some people are just oblivious and wear one because they like the colour 🤷

People aren't that clueless. Next you'll be telling me half the flag lot think they are raising awareness for the red cross.

BillieWiper · 13/11/2025 18:11

It makes no odds whether he's gay or not. You clearly think he's a bit odd so don't be friends with him. It's no Biggie and weird to focus so much on someone you clearly don't really like. You sound a little immature.

RaininSummer · 13/11/2025 18:14

sofiaparker · 13/11/2025 18:08

To be honest I think what I was worried about was scams- as I have heard a lot of internationals come to the UK with honey-trapping in mind.

This seems a very odd thing to be concerned about with a person on your course especially if you are not romantically interested.

sofiaparker · 13/11/2025 18:15

RaininSummer · 13/11/2025 18:14

This seems a very odd thing to be concerned about with a person on your course especially if you are not romantically interested.

Yes I'm not interested. But I've had people just stalking me in the past. And I don't want it to recur.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 13/11/2025 18:19

Dgll · 13/11/2025 18:10

People aren't that clueless. Next you'll be telling me half the flag lot think they are raising awareness for the red cross.

I know a few of the older generation who wouldn't have a clue what a rainbow lanyard represents.
The OP said this man is from abroad. So he might be genuine in being clueless.

SwirlyWhirls · 13/11/2025 18:19

BauhausOfEliott · 13/11/2025 17:17

I don't really understand what there is to be confused about. He hasn't flirted with you or tried to chat you up. What you've described sounds completely normal from someone who is an acquaintance on a course.

He might be gay, he might be bi, or he might be a straight ally, we don't know - but it really doesn't matter if he's gay or not, because there has been no sign that he is interested in you.

This. If anything, it sounds like he might dislike you, OP. (“trying to be extra friendly to others when around me while ignoring me”) Seems a bit big headed to interpret this as “Oh, he probably fancies me”? 🙄

JetFlight · 13/11/2025 18:20

Don’t ignore your instincts. There may be lots of reasons that you’re picking up on his odd behaviour. No one here can tell you what’s going on but just trust your own instincts.

TheatricalLife · 13/11/2025 18:24

I don't get the lanyard thing. The vast majority of DS college wear the LGBT lanyard because thats the one that was handed out at the start of term a few years back and this year. You can change it if you want or wear your own, but most people just use the one handed out, even if they are straight. It's just a lanyard.

sofiaparker · 13/11/2025 19:11

So I know a bit weird. But we got given a separate coloured lanyard to lgbts.

Other thing is I am not fixating on him fancying me because it could also be a genuine dislike or maybe jealously. But I have no clue why. Will trust my instincts though.

OP posts:
SilverPink · 13/11/2025 19:19

sofiaparker · 13/11/2025 18:06

Thank you! I understand where other commenters are coming from. But I genuinely feel something is off. I don't fancy him really. And I feel like the mums of this net are pressuring me to believe that I do. And I am maintaining my distance. I will continue to do so. Your comment really helped me believe I'm not just suddenly going crazy. I'm usually quite self-focussed too. Thank you for your comment.

And to the commenter suggesting I'm international. What in my use of language makes you think so! English is my first language! My gosh.

Your American spellings aren’t helping…

Needmorelego · 13/11/2025 19:20

SilverPink · 13/11/2025 19:19

Your American spellings aren’t helping…

It's also odd that I swear you posted this same thread a few days ago 🤔

sofiaparker · 13/11/2025 19:25

It's just the autocorrect on my phone for spellings. And I reposted under another category as I wanted more opinions and suggestions from a varied crowd.

OP posts:
SardinesOnGingerbread · 13/11/2025 19:29

sofiaparker · 13/11/2025 19:11

So I know a bit weird. But we got given a separate coloured lanyard to lgbts.

Other thing is I am not fixating on him fancying me because it could also be a genuine dislike or maybe jealously. But I have no clue why. Will trust my instincts though.

So they literally asked people their sexual orientation and you had to wear a rainbow one if you are gay, but you definitely need to be gay to be allowed to wear it? How were students asked about this? What if they didn't want to wear a rainbow/not rainbow? This was mandated? I'm not sure I believe this at all.

PinkFrogss · 13/11/2025 19:30

Maybe he finds you a bit weird?

Also very much doubt the course leads handed out rainbow lanyards to gay people.

Focus more on your assignments and spend less time over analysing people’s behaviour.

If you’ve got a crush on him spend less time with him to help you get over it.

PinkFrogss · 13/11/2025 19:31

SardinesOnGingerbread · 13/11/2025 19:29

So they literally asked people their sexual orientation and you had to wear a rainbow one if you are gay, but you definitely need to be gay to be allowed to wear it? How were students asked about this? What if they didn't want to wear a rainbow/not rainbow? This was mandated? I'm not sure I believe this at all.

It reminds me a lot of that post a little while ago where everyone had rainbow badges and then HR said anyone who was anti-lgbt could wear a red one instead

Needmorelego · 13/11/2025 19:32

SardinesOnGingerbread · 13/11/2025 19:29

So they literally asked people their sexual orientation and you had to wear a rainbow one if you are gay, but you definitely need to be gay to be allowed to wear it? How were students asked about this? What if they didn't want to wear a rainbow/not rainbow? This was mandated? I'm not sure I believe this at all.

Indeed.
If I was asked what my sexuality was when signing up for a college course my answer would be "none of your beeswax" 😂
(maybe a lanyard with bees on should be the standard for that)

mumofoneAloneandwell · 13/11/2025 19:32
Vanderpump Rules Eye Roll GIF

Girl

You invited everyone at your table to your place but him???

Yabu! And making me take a man's side as well!

You sound like youre making a drama of an innocent man who has tried being mates with you

sofiaparker · 13/11/2025 19:35

mumofoneAloneandwell · 13/11/2025 19:32

Girl

You invited everyone at your table to your place but him???

Yabu! And making me take a man's side as well!

You sound like youre making a drama of an innocent man who has tried being mates with you

Well I wasn't a close friend! Wasn't sure if he would be comfortable even if I invited.

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 13/11/2025 19:36

sofiaparker · 13/11/2025 19:35

Well I wasn't a close friend! Wasn't sure if he would be comfortable even if I invited.

😭😭 you were really rude to someone who sounds like hes been nice to you

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