To think people who have never been insanely busy don’t really get it

[Lostthebubblewand]

I literally don’t have time to even urinate a lot of the time. Full time, constant fire fighting, single parent, homeowner, elderly parents, I know a lot of people have more on. But there’s so much some people don’t understand.
I can’t reply to messages asap.
I do miss school emails.
I end up paying more for insurance etc as I don’t remember to shop around before my renewal.
Id love to put more into bday messages or to make my children birthday cakes or handmade cards.
I get some comments like ‘you haven’t done that yet?’ ‘???’ to messages but so many of my friends and family have jobs which are done at 5pm. Or WFH and can do some life admin when they’re home.
I just rush from crisis to appointment to school or after school and then home and straight into the anxiety of bedtime routine. Why is it always later than I thought, it can’t be 8pm?
I don’t have evenings. My whole life is just a blur until I pass out listening to my daughter read at 9pm.
Then I wake up at 4am to angry messages from family because I didn’t react to their photo of a beach?! Or the kids dad saying why did I forget X when I can’t even find half hour to book a smear test.
Its all so draining but I don’t think people get it unless they’ve lived it, how could they?
Sorry for the pity party

@WaitaminutewheresmejumperI don’t know if that’s true actually. I have to see around four people a day for about an hour per visit, then there’s endless meetings inbetween, the travel between visits (up to 20 miles), then no one has actually said when I’m supposed to ‘action’ any of the things from the visits, then tomorrow four more visits. No admin days. So I end up constantly behind, chasing my tail. Then there’s the commute, getting home, the argh what are we eating debate, the housework. I try to do the housework on Saturday but it’s all undone by Wednesday. Plus selling at the moment so have to be ‘viewing ready’ multiple times a week. I actually think anyone’s head would explode. I don’t think many would find it easy. Batch cooking might help one aspect but what about the 99 other problems?

OP I agree and I (mostly) feel the same.

For the PPs saying that ‘everyone is busy and it’s only perception’ I would ask you to take a look at yourselves and check your own privilege. Some jobs genuinely are much busier that others, some people have no family around to help, and the pressure of being a single parent really is a lot. It feels pretty insulting to the OP to imply she’s just managing her time poorly.
Im a single parent who works full time in a full on job. I overall feel quite lucky mostly, but it makes me furious when others imply I ‘should have just found time’ to do something. You never know what others are actually having to deal with.

What age kid/s have you got? Once they leave primary or maybe in yr 6 it gets much better as they can pack their own bags, help do water bottles/packed lunch bits, get themselves to school etc. Plus in the evenings they need you less, have homework etc to just get on with so you get some time back - makes all the difference!

You’ve just written my life! It’s exhausting, I hear you.

I have a cleaner. Let standards slip a bit. Set a timer for jobs or for connecting with friends. Write a list of all the things that need doing and prioritise them into months. I.e 5 tasks a month
its tough and I do get overwhelmed- and yes struggle to eat and pee some days!

And yes OP I think the selling the house ‘inspection ready’ would be the thing to push me over the edge. Poor you.

ps you can def get cleaners who just do the bits you’ve told them to. Clutter does not matter - mine does just 2 hours a week and only does the floors, bathrooms and kitchen. It’s helps loads and doesn’t cost a lot. Worth it for me 😊

If you’re that busy, how come you’re on here? i have a full time job, family , house ( not a tip ) , i'm relaxing in a hot bubble bath replying to this 🤷‍♀️

You are not being unreasonable. I feel the same way every time my fully retired mother in law tells me how busy she is and I think well those are all activities you CHOOSE, that’s not the same as firefighting things that absolutely have to get done, is it?!

in regard to messages, just text saying you are having phone detox days for mental health, people always nod sagely when I say that and look guilty/feel judged that they can’t put their phones down

and also, give yourself a phone free evening, it will help. I am aware of the irony as I write this in my phone …

I was there for many years. I hope it helps you to know there is light at the end of the tunnel, mine are teens/young adults now and our quality of life is so much better.
We also benefit from the fact that I kept my career going.
That said, if you dropped your hours slightly eg to 4 days would you be entitled to any financial help?

Op i so so so get you

It's more about being organised than being busy, sorry.

Fair enough if you are unable to go to the loo at work, many nurses for example have this issue, but ridiculous when you are at home.

9pm is not that late. You need to make a decision to sit down, and go through your life admin, ideally every night. You have time to be on MN, how can you miss a school email?

Sit down, open your inbox, and go through emails, and deal with them there and then.

I am not giving you a list of things that work, that wasn't the question, but none of you describe is about being insanely busy. It's normal. Change your mindset. Once you get used to be on top of things, you save so much time, and you breath better

Sending hugs OP you are not alone

I hear you. Single mum to 3, full time job (8-4) where taking lunch breaks is frowned on and there is an expectation that you will do extra each night.
My job is phenomenally busy (education) and they take and take.
Im up at 6, home at 4.30, do at least another hour of work then start all the home stuff.

My DD has just failed her driving test but has a part time bar job, so at least twice a week I have to also collect her from work at 11pm.

Im shattered, but I wake early thinking of things I need to do.
My job isn’t even fantastic pay but they drive us into the ground.

Dad is on and off involved, but is basically no help and is incredibly difficult so it’s an added strain.

Its exhausting. My life is exhausting

To the people saying to fet more organisrr or just carve out an hour etc - you clearly haven't been there!

This is making me nervous, I’ve got a 9m old and about to go back to work full time in my 8-8 job (and that’s on a good day…). I do have a supportive partner but am I mad?! Maybe just naive

Well you have time for Mumsnet

We all have 24 hours in the day, but we definitely don't have the same things to fit in those hours or resources to help us do so.

I worked crushingly long hours in my early/mid twenties and I don't think I had any more free time than I do now, but with 7 DC, a full time job and a marriage to maintain the load just feels completely different because I'm juggling so many different things that others depend on. There will always be some things I can't fit in, and while I try very hard to make intentional choices about what those will and won't be and frame it as wise allocation of my resources, it's impossible not to let the guilt and frustration creep in.

Your life is clearly madly busy and it is completely understandable how stressed you are.

I do wonder though, who is it in your life you want to 'get it'? Maybe some of those people aren't worth your time or energy.

love this!! This is me! Whoop 🙌

BUT having kids and elderly parents won’t change

Both those things will definitely change!

no one can do the school run for me and my kids wouldn’t want someone else doing it.

Pay a local sixth former to do it if you can afford to. They would have to get used to it!

And do you begrudge her that?

a sahm friend was asked to pick something up for pta as everyone else worked full time but she couldn’t as that was the day she took her mum shopping- a 5 min task !! some folk have absolutely no clue what it’s like to be really busy

What an utterly presumptuous thread. Are you suggesting that in order to sympathise with someone you need to have gone through the same situation ? Don't be ridiculous.
I may have not have gone through half of the situations that you describe but I can absolutely "get it". Why wouldn't I ?

It’s undoubtedly really hard but the only way to escape out of the mayhem is to plan plan plan.

The thing about this type of situation is that you have to be disciplined every single day. There is no space for going with the flow. I used to divide my days into 15 minute chunks until I got into a good routine.

Please mute your phone during sleeping hours so you don't ever again get disturbed by peeved family at 4am wanting likes for their photos!

AS PP said, explain nicely to family and friends that you only check your phone once a day for non-work related messages.

If you do any voluntary work at all, stop. Cancel it all and say it's due to health issues - which it is: stress.

Learn the art of 10 minute cleaning and tidying sessions. They changed my life.

Don't cook anything that takes more than 10 mins to prep. There's loads of nice, healthy stuff that can be prepped in under 10 mins and cooked in between 10-30 mins.

As PP have said, it can be very stressful and time consuming telling yourself how busy and stressed and tired you are. Just create very short To Do lists of 3 things at a time and do them with minimal fuss, then take a 5 minute break and really focus on the relaxing aspect of it - a 5 minute yoga stretch or 5 minute meditation. A cup of tea while watching the birds or cloudgazing. A favourite song on You Tube or 5 minute comedy clip. A quick face mask or repaint your nails or toenails. Then another 3 jobs and another break.