To not understand people who talk about being the first in their family to go to uni like it’s a badge of honour?

[Kyrgyzstan]

Sorry if this sounds dismissive of their achievements but isn’t it less of a rags to riches tale of personal achievement and more of a generational difference? I mean barely any of our parents generation went to university and now it’s pretty much expected if you want a half way decent job.

Obviously if you were raised by heroin addicts and managed to still get good grades and go off to uni that’s different but the children of ordinary parents who just didn’t go to university talking about it like a huge achievement sounds a little strange to me?

OP, are you being deliberately obtuse, or do you really not understand the many people who have tried to explain exactly why it is an achievement to be the first in the family to go to Uni? If you disagree, fine, but I'd be interested to know why, when people have clearly articulated that going to uni is not a generational thing. People have been going to university for hundreds of years. One of the main things that prevents people from going on to further education of any kind is money and family support.

Yabu and narrow minded. The ability to change your social habitas is an achievement.

Universities and the government have a commitment to widening participation in higher education. Its partly how they are funded. You have to have a way of measuring that such as race, household income, first in family. So I'm sure there are many first in family who dont need a clap on the back for it just as there are many Asian or black students where the assumption was always that theybwoukd progress to university. But its used as a measure. Some individuals might find it patronising but I'm not sure the intention is to consider it a personal achievement rather a collective improvement in our countries ability to be inclusive.

As someone who did suffer abuse, neglect and the effects of growing up in northern Ireland during the troubles and all that comes with I disagree with you.

The generational issue of expectations being that you will get a job straight from school has a standalone effect.

Speaking as someone whose parents both went to uni (and were the only ones in their respective families to do so), YABU. People underestimate the extent to which children follow in the footsteps of their parents, and how hard it is to change track. I went to uni just because it was expected, I just coasted along and took the path of least resistance. Whereas my mum had to fight her parents tooth and nail to be able to go to university - and stay long enough to finish her studies. She had to fight against all sorts of cultural prejudices (family thinking she was “lazy” for not getting a job, thinking there was no point in a woman going to university anyway as you’re only going to be a housewife anyway, other kids taking the mick about her being a “swot” etc.), as well as the lack of practical and financial support.

I then saw it with my cousins, and other working class friends, who either went straight into work at 16 or did vocational college courses even though they had the academic ability to go to university but university just wasn’t on their radar at all. One of my cousins for example did hairdressing at college, then got a job as a secretary, and ended up 15 years later becoming a chartered accountant through an in-work training scheme, which proves she had the ability, but at 17 she didn’t see something like that as an option and neither did her parents.

There’s also a lot of fear nowadays about student loans. Parents who never had them and never went to university don’t see the value of a degree and think student loans are bad (when actually they are nothing like having a bank loan). There is also a lot of general ignorance about university… for example I remember a couple of my aunts and uncles (who didn’t go to university themselves) trying to persuade me not to do a degree in my chosen subject because they thought my job options would be limited to jobs directly linked to that subject. Try as I might, I could not get through to them that a lot of big companies offer graduate training schemes to people with any degree (for example my friend who got a job at a big 4 accounting firm with a degree in history). They simply didn’t believe me and kept ridiculing me for even thinking it. Luckily for me, my parents were supportive, but it did make me feel very sorry for the children of said aunts and uncles should they ever choose to go to university, they would have faced a lot of resistance.

Are you really this narrow minded?

Yes, I'm aware. But that wasn't "very rare". Plus lots of people didn't go to university but did degrees at polytechnics/HE institutes instead. I'm not sure if they are included in those figures.

It certainly wasn't considered "rare" at the time.

seems that way!

She was talking about people she knew. Not the percentage of people in the UK who went to university. Many people have friends with similar upbringings and experience to them. The majority of people I know:
Went to university
Live in London
Had children between the ages of 35-45
Both parents have full time jobs

Now, I know this isn’t representative of the UK in general, it’s just my experience from my friendship groups.

I don’t see how stating a fact is bragging. Saying you were the first person in your family to go to university is a fact, I don’t see how it can be construed as bragging, especially to you who doesn’t think completing a degree is a major achievement. Will you be this unbothered if your children complete a degree?

I did my GCSEs while pregnant and went to college with a nursery onsite. I have everything I need to do what I want to do at uni. The personal attacks show you have nothing of note to argue

Because it IS an achievement. If you come from a working class family where no one has been to university it might not be something you think is even an option for you.

My parents didn't go to university, none of my teachers ever spoke of it. The first time I heard of it I was at college and I didn't dream it was an option for me.

I was actually a mature student and didn't start uni until my mid twenties (in the 90's). Even now, I'm the only one in the family, in my generation who has been to university but its very definitely the expectation that my children should consider it a strong option.

University just wasn't considered to be for "folk like me". It was not easy navigating it all with no parental experience to draw on. No parental support either but that's not the point.

It's hard wired within us to keep the status quo, even if that means remaining in poverty etc. This is why most people "repeat the mistakes" of their parents. Breaking out of the cycle of poverty (or addiction, broken relationships etc) is not just physically hard but psychologically almost impossible. It takes huge determination and resilience. For a lot of people being the first to go to university is seen as "leaving your family behind". Its not seen as a positive trait to want more for yourself than the rest of the family had.

Would not usually comment, but as you seem to be having a rant at people who have aspiration, you may want to check your grammar.

It's all about context. My DH's grew up in a loving. working family (so not 'heroin addicts') but his parents both left school as soon as they could (FIL before it was strictly legal even back then) and had manual jobs. Everyone in their extended family was in a similar position and the greatest ambition that PIL every hoped for DH was that he would get a couple of CGSEs and be able to work in an office instead of doing factory/manual work. DH had always liked the idea of a particular job that required a degree but this was treated by his family as a pipedream. When he mentioned it in careers sessions at school he was told he was not academic and to think again. No one in his family had any idea how to support him with studying/revision etc or what it would take to be in a position to get in to Uni and there was no encouragement or advice at school either. He left school and worked in low paid jobs that he hated for quite a few years before deciding to go back in to education and eventually getting a degree and the job he always wished for. Even when he had researched what he needed to do and was working towards it his family thought he was messing around/wasting his time and probably wouldn't be able to really do it. I met him when he was part way through this journey and remember his mum repeatedly asking him why he was spending so much time revising when he could be working and making some money/going out with his friends/joining in family gatherings etc and asking him what would happen if he did all this and found out he wasn't clever enough for the job. Many of his family took it as a personal slight that he didn't want to do the same jobs as them. So for him getting a degree was a huge achievement and being the first in the extended family to do it certainly made it harder.

You can't honestly complain about personal attacks when you have created this entire thread to belittle others' achievements, mocked them, downplayed them etc.... whilst still not even going to university yourself! The mind boggles.

It was 19% countrywide. That takes into account those who say all their parents friends went in the 90s. What percentage of kids from council estates went in the 90s? Because in our town there was me and 2 other kids the year I went. And it was unusual enough that I know who they were and that that was the number.

You believe for yourself what you see your parents do. Sure university is more accessible than several generations ago but your parents and other family members influence what you believe you can achieve.

Family is identity, identity is things like "who am I? What am I capable of?"

Everyone has different personalities and different natural levels of self belief but I would say that if you've never seen a family member go to university before then it takes more self believe than someone who's seen their parents/aunties/uncles go and it is an achievement to overcome that additional obstacle.

It is a huge achievement - and for many it means living in and being able to raise their kids in a very different environment to the one they were raised in.

Well that’s why you have such a negative mindset around education. At the moment, it’s a club you’re not invited to so you don’t understand.

It all just seems to scream sour grapes tbh.
I really dislike people who try to undermine other people's achievements to make themselves feel better.

You will likely have to do an access course when the time comes. Do not let that put you off! It sounds like you do want to go to university and have a bit of a 'road not travelled' issue with it that you're masking with this annoyance at the pride of others.

I used to feel like that a bit about the medics I work with because I definitely couldn't have studied medicine despite my grades, I looked at it in great detail and it just wasn't possible. I needed to work 20-30 hours a week to afford university so I needed a 9-5 course so I could work evenings and weekends.

Now though I realise I chose the best I could from my circumstances and when the opportunity to divert back to medicine was eventually there I'd come to far in my career already for it to make sense.

You are mid 20s work out a way to do what you want to do, you don't have to be annoyed at others pride in meeting their goals. I stead finds a way to meet yours and if they can't be met find another course that suits.

We're none fi us making it out of this alive! Do what you want!

Grandparent left school at 14

Mother had a serious childhood illness & therefore a poor educational up to age 16

I was the first female in my immediate & wider family to go to higher education & onto university . This was at a time when 10% or less of the population went to university.

I was the first female to have a career in my family too

Yes my family were proud of my achievements and rightly so.

What universities are you planning to apply to? What degree? Have you checked that no recent study is required? What are you planning to put on your personal statement?
I think, unless you’re planning to go to a rather piss
poor uni, that it may be trickier than you’re thinking.

Agree entirely. It is not easy for everyone. It doesn't mean they can't do it, but it's definitely the case that some children have considerably more support (practical and financial) than others when embarking on a university journey.

Oh my goodness. Like many posters have repeated. Neglect and abuse are not the only barriers!

Can you imagine bringing home your school work and your parents have no clue about how to approach your GCSE's - talk less of supporting your academics to degree level.

These parents are loving and good parents - but unfortunately they may not have the tools to support their children's academic journey.

So anyone that comes out of that situation with a degree - deserves their accolades.

The other way round here. Grandchildren first in the family not to go to University. They seem to be doing OK nevertheless.