to think my bf shouldn't stay in hotels after nights out with work?

[FoundLove]

We're both 50+ and I am pretty fed up with the partying scene myself. Don't get me wrong, I still like going out and having a drink and seeing my friends. I love game nights at friends' houses etc. My partner and I have been together for 2 years now. He is a salesman in the plumbing business. His clients and his boss expects him to take clients out all the time - meals, booze-ups, holidays and parties. I understand it's a job, but I do wish he wouldn't. I feel like he's prioritising nights out instead of me. He also stays in hotels after these events, when I feel that he could be taking a train home (a bit earlier) so that he can wake up with me. AIBU?

Well it's up to you OP, what you can live with and tolerate. Poster right before me nailed it.

OP see those hills hills on the horizon? Run for 'um because he's a bad 'un

Your update does help us to understand why you feel jealous about his nights out. Given his relationship history I would also find it difficult to trust him.

Op, bear in mind you may feel more attached to him not because you are compatible but out of the push and pull he does when he says nice words but his actions prove you you can’t trust him.

You know he is flirting when you are not around and that he is very likely to meet his next partner while going in a bender with clients (still wondering if that is included in his job description…) as when he met you and his previous wife so… why put up with this? Just let him go before you end more hurt.

Why on earth are plumbers taking clients on holiday?!

This.

I would run a bloody mile!

He is a serisl cheat. It is no wonder you can’t trust him. You are likely to be one of many. A girl in every town type of chap - absolutely no chance would I ever consider staying with this man.

Trust your gut, he’s a cheat and a liar, just a charming one!

Apart from anything this drinking culture and last man standing business sounds terribly 1980s. I feel like I am in a time warp on this thread. Who does that now ?? I thought companies had stopped this kind of thing decades ago. It’s a bit sad tbh.

You don't sound incompatible. Some people in relationships like to spend a lot of time together (you aren't needy) but he can't provide this because of his job and his personality. As an introvert, I could never do his job, I'd be exhausted and miserable, I need to be cosied up in my house every weekday evening with my family and noone else.

You're not going to change the behaviour of a 50 year old man. He's a 'type', isn't he? Bars, clubs the 'laydees'. How he was the night you met him is who he is. You just need to decide if you like the rest of what he has to offer enough to compensate.

That was my first thought as soon as I read the OP. I doubt that he’s spending his hotel nights alone. You are being naive.

God no, I always put mine in a hotel if hes on a big one. 1. He works hard and deserves a blow out night out 2. I dont want him clattering around pissed at 2am making a noise/sleeping anywhere near me.

Actually I think he’ll keep her as his base so that he can keep playing the field. Then when he’s too old for that he’ll have his carer.

I think you might find yourself in a threesome.

Sounds like he is prioritising work not socialising. If you trust him and everything is fine I would let this go.

I'm late to the party but surprised with the responses on here.

You cant tell him what to do but the men i worked with who did this fell into 2 clear camps.
Either they lived in cheltenham / grantham / york and the office was in london so it was madness to try and get home... or they lived in z5 and were "top shaggers".

If he was a fuckboy /player when you met him (and honestly he sounds it) he probably still is....

You need to decide if you are okay with that and "trust him" or not.

I cant help there as that personality type repulses me / i think even if they do stay faithful its just lack of opportunity so i've never dated that type of man.
I have 2 friends with dhs who are like this... they sort of pretend / turn a blind eye to it which wouldnt be for me...

I work in advertising/media where theres a lot of booze / jollys / events and have seen it all... theres a lot of gross and.lonely people out there

You are still being unreasonable. But now it is that you have not left him. His CLIENTS warned you he was a womaniser.

It comes across that you are simply ignoring who he is.

Foundlove, this man is not a keeper. He's left two women that you know of, both of whom had children for him. He's a womaniser.

You don't need him, run for the hills.

I know you love him. You've had good times and made some memories but you will get over it, I promise.

OP
The custody week on week off kid is 6?
You're going to have 12 more years of this shit - at a minimum!

You'll be in your 60's before he deigns to make a life with you...

Cut your losses - the sooner you break up the sooner you'll get over the pain of the break up.

All of the behaviours you have mentioned are not acceptable; where’s your respect? Any one in a committed relationship doesn’t hold other women’s hands on night outs, gives other women a drink bought for their partner etc etc. his past history is a red flag, hes going to cheat at some point. I couldn’t be bothered with all the suspicion and paranoia that goes with this type of relationship!

I don’t think you’re being needy at all OP but you aren’t compatible. He sounds like a bit of a womaniser and I think it’s fair to say he’s probably crossed lines with other women when he’s been out.

No wonder you feel the way you feel but you either continue as you are or leave because it doesn’t sound like he’s going to change.