To buy myself the (non-engagement) ring?

[lastplaceinsportsday]

DH is a brilliant husband and dad – genuinely great in so many ways. Gift-giving just isn’t one of them, which I’ve always accepted. But with our 15th anniversary coming up, I’m feeling a bit sad.

When we got engaged, I showed him two rings. He encouraged me to pick the cheaper one (it was £1k less) and said to think of the amazing city break we could have instead. I felt shallow for wanting the pricier one and went cheaper… but 15 years on, I can't even remember if that city break ever happened.

Before our first child was born (on a milestone birthday for me), I mentioned an eternity ring I loved. He said it was too expensive. For my birthday I got something from Amazon and a delivery pizza.

He’s booked us a day out for our upcoming 15th anniversary, which is lovely, and I know we’ll have fun. But part of me wishes, just once, he’d buy me something sparkly – not because I’ve dropped 5,000 hints, but because he wants to, and acknowledges that while he loves experience breaks, I can sometimes prefer something else.

Yes, I can buy it myself. And yes, I know this is about a luxury item when people are struggling to pay bills. But I still feel a bit sad that he’ll probably never buy me jewellery beyond my engagement ring and the odd Celtic knot piece from Amazon.

AIBU to feel like that?

I bought my own eternity ring - when husband refused- I still love it many years later.i tell anyone who asks that I bought it myself as OH refused

I buy most of my own expensive jewellery as I’m quite specific about what I want
If DP has enough funds for my birthday or Xmas he normally asks what I would like and we will either go shopping together or I might do the searching on my own and then take him to pay
Im the higher earner and sometimes he will give me a contribution towards it
I buy him whatever he asks for (within my budget) and a few small surprises - he’s more likely to ask for a specialist tool or big Lego set

He did buy me a lovely gold and emerald frog pin last Christmas though as we were together when I spotted it in an antique shop

I expect most people feel a bit embarrassed when you say that and wish they hadn't asked.😂

What a sham of a marriage.

@TamarindCottage

I love the middle band. What a lovely way to remember your mum. Thankyou for showing me.

I think this is a tough one, mostly because what you are truly looking for is for him to want to buy it for you, and that just isn’t going to happen. So you need to process that and then find a way of enjoying something sparkly that won’t make you resent the purchase (or buying it yourself).

I do get it. I love my engagement ring, but it wasn’t my first choice. I was asked to pick three I like and he would choose from those. I had a very clear preference and it was about 500 more expensive. He went with the cheapest. It’s a beautiful ring but it’s hard not to think of his decision as being purely financial, particularly when he is like this about so many other things. I buy things for myself (and did buy myself a diamond ring of a totally different style because I wanted to show to myself that I was worth it) but I still know, deep down, that what I really want is for him to pay attention and then buy me some of those things because he wants me to be happy.

I understand, and I think that a large part of it is him being able to afford it, but either not wanting to, or it not occurring to him. He’s either tight or he doesn’t put much thought into your gifts. Neither is an attractive prospect.

I think you should buy it yourself. If only because you’ll get the piece you really want, without his values coming into it. You won’t enjoy it if he’s chosen it, because you’ll know that price would have been foremost in his mind, before what your taste is. And maybe next year, buy him that city break for two for his birthday.

Also, it doesn’t matter what everyone else has got going on; it’s not insensitive of you. If anyone is going to be triggered because someone else isn’t struggling financially, then a thread about buying jewellery clearly isn’t one they should have clicked on.

thats is so cute!

what happened in the end? thats sounds so awful

I don’t think you are BU. 25 yrs ago my husband gave me a cheap ish engagement ring. I didn’t know he was going to propose and he chose the ring. Not my style but I was young and naive. I never wear it. Over the years it has been a bone of contention as I would have loved an upgrade but made to feel that would be too expensive and unnecessary. Once children come along didn’t have the money. No gifts when I had the children and now eternity ring either although he knows I would like one. Anyway I have some money now and I’m getting an eternity ring for me and my daughter. If any one compliments I will say I bought it myself. I know this sounds ‘woe is me and 1st world probs’ but I can’t help feeling envious of friends and colleagues who all seem to have fabulous engagement and eternity rings.

I think if you’re waiting for him to buy expensive jewellery just because he wants to and that’s your style you might be disappointed.
I picked the exact rings I wanted after having children and simply told DH this is what I wanted to mark the arrival of our children.
Just order the one you want!

Hi op I think we have the same husband. My husband either buys me chocolates i don't like or autobiographies of people I don't really know. He does, however, write lovely messages in birthday cards. When we got engaged he was unemployed and we ended up buying a v modest engagement ring on credit from h Samuel wirh an £80 wedding ring. Was happy enough at the time but for a big birthday last year I decided to upgrade said engagement ring and wedding band to a new duo of rings costing £3k. Just told him casually that I was going to be doing that and I did. No drama. Have just accepted that I won't have any surprises with him but I can buy what I like for myself out of our joint earnings from our business within reason and he doesn't have a problem. Is this something you can do?