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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so intrigued by America?

189 replies

hollyblueivy · 11/11/2025 23:18

AIBU to be so intrigued by America and just how vastly different it is to the UK despite both being rich modern nations?

Trump features a lot in the UK news and it has made me look into why the US seem so uncaring. Their systems to help the vulnerable are so different to ours. They have no right to housing so many can easily risk facing homelessness. With no national health service, access to healthcare is much more difficult and expensive, pushing people into deprivation even if they are working.

They don’t seem to have the same socialist heart as the UK and it gives a very much dog eat dog and every man for themselves culture.

I don’t think I fully appreciated this before. Anyone else?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
SoftBalletShoes · 12/11/2025 01:24

Any other Brits in the New England area?

AnotherBritInTheUSA · 12/11/2025 01:26

SoftBalletShoes · 12/11/2025 01:24

Any other Brits in the New England area?

Yes, I’m in Connecticut.

mathanxiety · 12/11/2025 01:32

curious79 · 11/11/2025 23:29

Because ultimately they will get paid. The banks will pay their wages in the knowledge they’ll get back payments.

There is no way banks will cut checks for the people turning up to work.

AnotherBritInTheUSA · 12/11/2025 01:33

hollyblueivy · 11/11/2025 23:57

Ah that makes more sense! He was talking about it as though it was a celebration and that they have things like veterans sales at the shops.

Veteran’s Day is also a Federal holiday

SoftBalletShoes · 12/11/2025 01:35

AnotherBritInTheUSA · 12/11/2025 01:26

Yes, I’m in Connecticut.

I'm near Boston.

Subaroo · 12/11/2025 01:36

BluntPlumHam · 12/11/2025 01:09

😂 I was waiting for someone to mention the
social experiment and also for someone to jump and defend the terrible response from the churches.

I see, it was a "social experiment". Got a link? Maybe it's different in the UK but churches in the US don't typically keep a supply of baby formula.

AnotherBritInTheUSA · 12/11/2025 01:37

SoftBalletShoes · 12/11/2025 01:35

I'm near Boston.

I’m the other end, closer to NYC

mathanxiety · 12/11/2025 01:48

Pinkbowls · 12/11/2025 00:09

Did you see the video of the women who rang over 50 churches to ask for a tub of baby formula and all said no bar 4 churches and when she phoned a mosque they said yes straight away.

My parish church has increased its food / money collection that stocks the food bank of a parish in a nearby poor area from twice a month to every Sunday, in response to the suspension of SNAP. We have hundreds of new and gently used winter coats and snow bibs for all ages ready for a coat giveaway plus free lunch event that we will be holding this coming weekend. We set up a migrant ministry to support the thousands of migrants who have arrived in the city over the past few years, and provided basic human needs (clothing, footwear, bedding, food, and free medical care) as well as free legal help, sponsorship/ accompaniment by parish families, accommodation with parish families, and support as families moved into apartments and children started school.

TempestTost · 12/11/2025 01:49

PermanentTemporary · 11/11/2025 23:38

Just a few points from someone who adores the USA.

  • huge range of states; governance and culture really vary from state to state.
  • Americans are much, much more structurally generous than Brits. Giving to charities, social organisations etc, both in money and time, is stratispherically higher than it is over here. What they don’t choose is to have the federal state as involved as the state is here. That has positives and negatives, but there is absolutely no lack of sharing, caring and giving, much more locally and flexibly than we do.
  • American healthcare is the best in the world, and it is freely available to those without any money at all. It’s the low income worker that struggles, and a tangled range of vested interests keeps costs high and public health variable.
  • What is presented to us in the media is of course distorted. The US is presented as ‘anti-vax’ but they have much stricter standards on vaccination than we do, or as ‘anti abortion’ when a big proportion of states have much better abortion laws than we do in the UK.

I was going to say something similar to this, but I see you've already said it.

Americans are really very wary of the state playing too much of a role in social life, and I don't think I appreciated that the might have a real point with this when I was younger.

In part I think this is because so many people in the US went there originally because they were freeing regimes that in one way or another were repressive - often preventing them from practising their religion. This creates a mindset that sees the state as a potential danger.

However, now that I have seen the way a state can even today use its social role to socially engineer, I find I am much more wary myself - for example withdrawing funding from rape services that wont admit or employ transwomen in front line roles. I also think there is some truth to the idea that when the state takes on certain caring roles, individuals tend to start believe that they no longer have any personal duty to do so. It's easy not to realise the extent that many Americans see that kind of personal involvement as something they are morally obligated to do.

They also tend to put more emphasis on the idea that economic productivity is an important part of creating overall prosperity. It's not a matter of not thinking it's good to have prosperity for all, rather, they think overall productivity is the way to get there, and excessive regulation chokes productivity.

Pryceosh1987 · 12/11/2025 01:54

The UK is awesome for independant living, but so is america to an extent. They get food stamps they can use to buy luxury items, like fish and more expensive foods. UK doesnt have that, we are given food which is dry foods and tins.

TempestTost · 12/11/2025 02:05

SoftBalletShoes · 12/11/2025 01:19

This is so not true. See my post above. These things are provided by each state individually. They are not federally mandated, which is what the sensation-seeking media focuses on. So they're technically correct when they say that America doesn't have, say, paid maternity leave of X amount that each state must give. So they say there is no paid maternity leave, which conveniently leaves out all the states and ALL the employers who do offer it.

My friend got $1,150 a WEEK maternity pay for three months from the state.

But that's not such a great America-bashing story for the European media, is it?

Edited

I sometimes think it would be easier for people in the UK to understand the US if they thought of it as being more like Europe, where each state is like a country with a lot of autonomy, which they are pretty fierce about maintaining.

And this makes sense when you consider how very large the country is. Many Americans have little to do day to day with the federal government, it is their state governments that are really impactful on their lives. And also where they have more say as a citizen.

RedTagAlan · 12/11/2025 02:09

To quote the OP : " They have no right to housing so many can easily risk facing homelessness. With no national health service, access to healthcare is much more difficult and expensive, pushing people into deprivation even if they are working."

Folk in the UK do not have a right to housing. Sure, the local councils try to house folk, and it's an election issue, but we do not actually have a right to be housed. We have loads of homeless .Lots of articles online, here is an example:

A Human Right to Housing? | Oxford Law Blogs

We do have the NHS of course, they don't, but they do have stuff about emergency room treatment. ERs can't turn you away. But they will do the minimum if you can't pay.

I would say the difference is not that big, except their politics is much further to the right. Their Democrat Party is perhaps a shade to the right of our Tories, and their Republican Party are just downright strange :-)

I think the main reason the US are to the right compared to Europe and the rest of the West in general, is because of their written constitution. It was written 200 plus years ago by rich landowning men, it was written to give themselves an advantage, and it is really difficult to change.

For example, they made their Senate really powerful. There is 2 senators per state. This was designed so the rich landowners could keep the popularly elected congress in check. In many states, senators were appointed.

Very difficult to change things when so few have a stranglehold.

California has 43 million people, and 2 senators. Wyoming has 587 thousand people and 2 senators. So electorate votes for the senate are not equal. It works out a Wyoming residents vote is about 68 times more powerful than that of a California resident.

Article here about that :

Why Small States Wield Outsized Power in the U.S. Senate: 7 Key Factors - USA Heaven

So yeah, while the mix of left and right leaning people in the US could be, and probably is, about the same as Europe, the core system of the senate make it near impossible for more progressive policies to be enacted.

Add to that the electoral. Again, that was designed to give the rich landowners an advantage. And we see that when dems can get more votes in POTUS elections. but the repubs win.

And money too of course. Big big money in US politics. The SCOTUS " Citizens United" decision of 2010 made sure money in politics will make the situation worse for any left leaning Party.

Link here:

Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission | Opinion, Dissent, Significance, & Influence | Britannica

A Human Right to Housing?

https://blogs.law.ox.ac.uk/housing-after-grenfell/blog/2019/02/human-right-housing#:~:text=The%20unwritten%20Constitution%20of%20the%20UK%20does%20not,fire%20has%20resulted%20in%20renewed%20impetus%20and%20debate.

Crushed23 · 12/11/2025 02:15

Beekman · 11/11/2025 23:48

I’m from the UK but now live in the States and have done for about 20 years. Any preconceptions you might have about the US are probably wrong. Mine certainly were. It’s a foreign country, it’s very different, I think peiple expect the two countries to have more in common because of the shared language.

I don’t know what you mean about no right to housing or benefits.

There’s a lot I love about the US and then some I can’t and will never be able to wrap my head around.

As a Brit who lives in the States, I completely agree with this.

TempestTost · 12/11/2025 02:15

RedTagAlan · 12/11/2025 02:09

To quote the OP : " They have no right to housing so many can easily risk facing homelessness. With no national health service, access to healthcare is much more difficult and expensive, pushing people into deprivation even if they are working."

Folk in the UK do not have a right to housing. Sure, the local councils try to house folk, and it's an election issue, but we do not actually have a right to be housed. We have loads of homeless .Lots of articles online, here is an example:

A Human Right to Housing? | Oxford Law Blogs

We do have the NHS of course, they don't, but they do have stuff about emergency room treatment. ERs can't turn you away. But they will do the minimum if you can't pay.

I would say the difference is not that big, except their politics is much further to the right. Their Democrat Party is perhaps a shade to the right of our Tories, and their Republican Party are just downright strange :-)

I think the main reason the US are to the right compared to Europe and the rest of the West in general, is because of their written constitution. It was written 200 plus years ago by rich landowning men, it was written to give themselves an advantage, and it is really difficult to change.

For example, they made their Senate really powerful. There is 2 senators per state. This was designed so the rich landowners could keep the popularly elected congress in check. In many states, senators were appointed.

Very difficult to change things when so few have a stranglehold.

California has 43 million people, and 2 senators. Wyoming has 587 thousand people and 2 senators. So electorate votes for the senate are not equal. It works out a Wyoming residents vote is about 68 times more powerful than that of a California resident.

Article here about that :

Why Small States Wield Outsized Power in the U.S. Senate: 7 Key Factors - USA Heaven

So yeah, while the mix of left and right leaning people in the US could be, and probably is, about the same as Europe, the core system of the senate make it near impossible for more progressive policies to be enacted.

Add to that the electoral. Again, that was designed to give the rich landowners an advantage. And we see that when dems can get more votes in POTUS elections. but the repubs win.

And money too of course. Big big money in US politics. The SCOTUS " Citizens United" decision of 2010 made sure money in politics will make the situation worse for any left leaning Party.

Link here:

Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission | Opinion, Dissent, Significance, & Influence | Britannica

But why would a state like Wyoming have agreed to union at all if their interests were just going to be bowled over by New Yorkers or Califonians every election?

That's hardly about the interests of rich landowners.

It's like saying in the EU each country gets more say depending on their population, so the tiny countries would simply end up governed by the will of the large ones.

It would be a dereliction of their duty to their citizens to agree to that.

Crushed23 · 12/11/2025 02:18

PermanentTemporary · 11/11/2025 23:38

Just a few points from someone who adores the USA.

  • huge range of states; governance and culture really vary from state to state.
  • Americans are much, much more structurally generous than Brits. Giving to charities, social organisations etc, both in money and time, is stratispherically higher than it is over here. What they don’t choose is to have the federal state as involved as the state is here. That has positives and negatives, but there is absolutely no lack of sharing, caring and giving, much more locally and flexibly than we do.
  • American healthcare is the best in the world, and it is freely available to those without any money at all. It’s the low income worker that struggles, and a tangled range of vested interests keeps costs high and public health variable.
  • What is presented to us in the media is of course distorted. The US is presented as ‘anti-vax’ but they have much stricter standards on vaccination than we do, or as ‘anti abortion’ when a big proportion of states have much better abortion laws than we do in the UK.

Also completely agree with this. My jaw dropped when I found out how much one of the senior partners at my firm had donated to his old university (7 figures…). There’s a HUGE culture of giving.

nixon1976 · 12/11/2025 02:24

SoftBalletShoes · 12/11/2025 01:35

I'm near Boston.

Me too

RedTagAlan · 12/11/2025 03:23

TempestTost · 12/11/2025 02:15

But why would a state like Wyoming have agreed to union at all if their interests were just going to be bowled over by New Yorkers or Califonians every election?

That's hardly about the interests of rich landowners.

It's like saying in the EU each country gets more say depending on their population, so the tiny countries would simply end up governed by the will of the large ones.

It would be a dereliction of their duty to their citizens to agree to that.

"It would be a dereliction of their duty to their citizens to agree to that."

Why ?

Should we work on majority vote or not?

If the rule from the start had been one person one vote for federal stuff, then Wyoming might not have joined. Their choice It would certainly be interesting to see the USA today if they had went with a one man one vote majority system ( and it was men only who could vote as we know. . Erm checks web, apart from Wyoming. Well done Wyoming, universal suffrage since founding in 1890.

They are happy enough to just have one congressman compared to the 52 from California.

And they still have their State laws.

The system now is that a Wyoming senate voter has 68 times the power than a California voter. The 3 million US citizens in Puerto Rico have zero vote power in the Senate.

So Puerto Ricans have to abide by fed laws they have no say over.

I don't think it is a whataboutism to mention PR, because we are discussing the US as a whole.

SoftBalletShoes · 12/11/2025 03:41

nixon1976 · 12/11/2025 02:24

Me too

The Brits in Boston Facebook group is great and they have lots of meet-ups, btw.

SoftBalletShoes · 12/11/2025 03:45

Crushed23 · 12/11/2025 02:15

As a Brit who lives in the States, I completely agree with this.

Me too.

SoftBalletShoes · 12/11/2025 03:46

TempestTost · 12/11/2025 02:05

I sometimes think it would be easier for people in the UK to understand the US if they thought of it as being more like Europe, where each state is like a country with a lot of autonomy, which they are pretty fierce about maintaining.

And this makes sense when you consider how very large the country is. Many Americans have little to do day to day with the federal government, it is their state governments that are really impactful on their lives. And also where they have more say as a citizen.

Absolutely!

LivGo · 12/11/2025 04:00

I know this is pedantic, and lots of people do it, but please - America is not just the USA.

There are 35 different countries in the Americas - e.g. Brasil, Mexico, Argentina, Canada etc etc. The USA is just one of these 35 countries.

Beekman · 12/11/2025 04:09

LivGo · 12/11/2025 04:00

I know this is pedantic, and lots of people do it, but please - America is not just the USA.

There are 35 different countries in the Americas - e.g. Brasil, Mexico, Argentina, Canada etc etc. The USA is just one of these 35 countries.

Edited

Instead of saying ‘The United States of America’ every time, many people just shorten it to ‘America’. I don’t think anyone is denying the existence of Uruguay or any of the other countries on the continent by doing this. It would be perhaps better to shorten it to “The States” but on this thread we all know which country is being referred to when someone types “America”

RedTagAlan · 12/11/2025 04:09

Crushed23 · 12/11/2025 02:18

Also completely agree with this. My jaw dropped when I found out how much one of the senior partners at my firm had donated to his old university (7 figures…). There’s a HUGE culture of giving.

Tax deductible.

My understanding is that people in general are not going without so they can give to charity. It's the taxman who goes without.

Beekman · 12/11/2025 04:16

You’d be surprised how much alumni donate to their British colleges too.

I’ll be buggered if Manchester University are getting a penny more from me and I definitely wouldn’t feel differently if I were a billionaire

cityanalyst678 · 12/11/2025 04:17

Having lived in the U.S, part of our taxes were for Medicare. So everyone can access basic health care. They have a stronger work ethic and don’t expect everyone else to be subsidising them. They are much more self reliant and do not have the same expectations as many people do here.
It is the norm to have 6 weeks maternity leave, no where near as much annual leave as us and no reliance on sick pay. They are far more productive at work and can command far better pay. Without doubt they have a higher standard of living. They are more upbeat and respect professionals. Their economy has boomed over the years and they lead the way in innovation and technology.
By the way we are not a rich country, we are very nearly bankrupt.

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