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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dh think i'm obsessed with work

54 replies

Cantdoright86 · 11/11/2025 20:48

Dh thinks i'm obsessed with work. Moans about it constantly. I admit I do enjoy my job. I have worked hard to get to where I am ans genuinely enjoy what I do (most of the time). Its a very fast paced corporate role but I am lucky to wfh 3-4 days a week which helps with childcare (children are aged 9 and 5)

His examples for the last few days are:
I was asked to take part in an celebration event last week - whole company event type thing, first time my team had all been together in a while as we work in different offices so we arranged to go to the pub for dinner, which meant he had to pick the kids up and do bedtime etc

We recently went on holiday and I did take my laptop as I had some work to finish off and ran out of time. We had an 8 hour flight so while the dc sat next to me and slept I finished off 2 hours of work. That was it.

I have an event in February I need to attend (overnight stay) which i have told him about. He has now said he had to be on a course that week that he can't get out of. I said I'll sort childcare etc and he accused me of thinking it would be ok to leave the children on their own. Obviously that wouldn't even cross my mind and I was going to ask my brother or sister if they could help out.

Moans if I am more 5 minutes late logging off. Or if I get caught in traffic its my fault for not leaving early

On the flip side:
He works 6-2 every day in the office so all school drop offs are up to me unless I give him advance notice and even then he moans about it.

If he is late then i'm just expected to work round him being late. No notice just expected to deal with it

He had weeks where he is on call 24/7 which means I can't do anything, can't go out in the evening, all schools runs are on me etc.

If he gets his laptop out on the evening i'm not allowed to say anything. If I get mine out I get a 20 minute lecture on how i'm obsessed with work.

OP posts:
ElfAndSafetyBored · 11/11/2025 20:52

He wants his cake and to eat it. He benefits from you working no doubt but wants a house wife. He sounds very selfish. Is he jealous that you enjoy your work?

Branleuse · 11/11/2025 20:52

Tell him to shut the fuck up about it, as his double standards are really pissing you off.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/11/2025 20:53

He sounds jealous and sabotaging. Is he?

Thewhywhybird · 11/11/2025 20:55

Ridiculous double standards.

yeesh · 11/11/2025 20:55

He’s a prick tbh

KellsBells7 · 11/11/2025 20:57

You earn more than him don’t you?

ShizIsWicked · 11/11/2025 21:01

He is being a bit of a dick, but you know that. I am sort of in your situation but I actually do work ridiculous hours and there is some weight when DH moans. However, he used to be a lot worse, constant whining, it actually came down to the fact that I earn more than him. Once I told him, if you can afford for me to go part time, I am in, until then....

CoastalCalm · 11/11/2025 21:03

I’d put money on he’s jealous of your career and you probably earn more

BellissimoGecko · 11/11/2025 21:07

What does he say when you point out his hypocrisy? ‘Why is it ok for you to work in the evening, Dave, but you give me a lecture if I need to work?’

TheBossOfMe · 11/11/2025 21:10

And that is why I left my husband. Many other issues - but that was the biggest one. He could never get over my career being an actual thing.

Thecowardlydonkey · 11/11/2025 21:12

It sounds like he thinks he is more important than you. I'm not sure how you put up with him.

BernardButlersBra · 11/11/2025 21:13

KellsBells7 · 11/11/2025 20:57

You earn more than him don’t you?

Bet she does!

Makeitstop2025 · 11/11/2025 21:13

I could've written this, even our kids are broadly the same age.

I work in corporate like you do and am the higher earner. I would recommend saying to him that you would be happy to get a part-time job in a supermarket if he would prefer. That shut mine up for a bit. Some of these men are big babies that can't stand the fact that they're not the centre of our worlds and deep down, they know we can live and survive without them.

GreenLeaf25 · 11/11/2025 21:13

Same as PP. Jealousy of having your own thing to care about, independence, no one to run after him - weaponising the children( ie you HAVE to do drop offs) meant we eventually got divorced. Weirdly life is much easier now without someone making me feel like a shit mum (when actually I’m a brilliant one!) 😬

MoominMai · 11/11/2025 21:15

My ex accused me of the same and went all moody when I said I was studying for some professional qualifications - and this was just in the first few months of dating! I was excited thinking he’d be encouraging and supportive but nope. And when he realised my job entails overnight stays sometimes - oh boy!

He turned out to be controlling and very jealous hence being an ex 😐.

Scarydinosaurs · 11/11/2025 21:17

If you pointed the same criticism at him and said HE was obsessed with work, what does he say?

Surely you must make this comparison to him?

Goldwren1923 · 11/11/2025 21:18

He’s toxic. Is he jealous about your work success?

Cantdoright86 · 11/11/2025 21:20

We earn roughly the same, I earn slightly more with bonus opportunities etc

He doesn't complain when my bonus paid for a new bathroom last year etc

OP posts:
Cantdoright86 · 11/11/2025 21:21

He so won't talk about any work successes. I passed an apprenticeship this year (level 7 distinction) and was nominated for an award at work and hes not even said congrats once

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 11/11/2025 21:24

He's an insecure idiot who loves the convenience of your income, feels threatened by your status and wishes it was the 1950s with a housewife to tend to his manly needs and alleviate domestic responsibility.

Starseeking · 11/11/2025 21:26

After reading your OP, my first thought was I bet you are the higher earner and he resents that.

HAPPILYMARRIEDSINCE2012 · 11/11/2025 21:28

Cantdoright86 · 11/11/2025 20:48

Dh thinks i'm obsessed with work. Moans about it constantly. I admit I do enjoy my job. I have worked hard to get to where I am ans genuinely enjoy what I do (most of the time). Its a very fast paced corporate role but I am lucky to wfh 3-4 days a week which helps with childcare (children are aged 9 and 5)

His examples for the last few days are:
I was asked to take part in an celebration event last week - whole company event type thing, first time my team had all been together in a while as we work in different offices so we arranged to go to the pub for dinner, which meant he had to pick the kids up and do bedtime etc

We recently went on holiday and I did take my laptop as I had some work to finish off and ran out of time. We had an 8 hour flight so while the dc sat next to me and slept I finished off 2 hours of work. That was it.

I have an event in February I need to attend (overnight stay) which i have told him about. He has now said he had to be on a course that week that he can't get out of. I said I'll sort childcare etc and he accused me of thinking it would be ok to leave the children on their own. Obviously that wouldn't even cross my mind and I was going to ask my brother or sister if they could help out.

Moans if I am more 5 minutes late logging off. Or if I get caught in traffic its my fault for not leaving early

On the flip side:
He works 6-2 every day in the office so all school drop offs are up to me unless I give him advance notice and even then he moans about it.

If he is late then i'm just expected to work round him being late. No notice just expected to deal with it

He had weeks where he is on call 24/7 which means I can't do anything, can't go out in the evening, all schools runs are on me etc.

If he gets his laptop out on the evening i'm not allowed to say anything. If I get mine out I get a 20 minute lecture on how i'm obsessed with work.

Why aren't you allowed to say anything? I would just give back what you get every time. If he is allowed to work in the evening so are you etc.

Tigerbalmshark · 11/11/2025 21:35

His domestic appliance is malfunctioning and sometimes he has to look after his own children as a result.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/11/2025 21:37

A man who can’t be proud of you for your achievements is a man not worthy of your time.

I’m so sorry OP.

Thistlesg · 11/11/2025 21:45

sounds like he's jealous OP, not an endearing quality in a partner