Dh think i'm obsessed with work

[Cantdoright86]

Dh thinks i'm obsessed with work. Moans about it constantly. I admit I do enjoy my job. I have worked hard to get to where I am ans genuinely enjoy what I do (most of the time). Its a very fast paced corporate role but I am lucky to wfh 3-4 days a week which helps with childcare (children are aged 9 and 5)

His examples for the last few days are:
I was asked to take part in an celebration event last week - whole company event type thing, first time my team had all been together in a while as we work in different offices so we arranged to go to the pub for dinner, which meant he had to pick the kids up and do bedtime etc

We recently went on holiday and I did take my laptop as I had some work to finish off and ran out of time. We had an 8 hour flight so while the dc sat next to me and slept I finished off 2 hours of work. That was it.

I have an event in February I need to attend (overnight stay) which i have told him about. He has now said he had to be on a course that week that he can't get out of. I said I'll sort childcare etc and he accused me of thinking it would be ok to leave the children on their own. Obviously that wouldn't even cross my mind and I was going to ask my brother or sister if they could help out.

Moans if I am more 5 minutes late logging off. Or if I get caught in traffic its my fault for not leaving early

On the flip side:
He works 6-2 every day in the office so all school drop offs are up to me unless I give him advance notice and even then he moans about it.

If he is late then i'm just expected to work round him being late. No notice just expected to deal with it

He had weeks where he is on call 24/7 which means I can't do anything, can't go out in the evening, all schools runs are on me etc.

If he gets his laptop out on the evening i'm not allowed to say anything. If I get mine out I get a 20 minute lecture on how i'm obsessed with work.

Well done sounds like you are smashing it at work.

your DH sounds like a dick. The double standards around all of it would make me rage. He obviously thinks he is the important one and you are lesser.

if you have a boy and a girl is he going to make the girl feel lesser as well?

In case you don’t know this, you don’t have to stay with him

he’s a fucking nobhead and literally anyone is better than being with him (so is being single)

You have a DH problem, not a problem with being over consumed by your work! I disagree that you are ‘obsessed’ with work, I am because it’s my company and I can definitely say that what you are describing sounds, given what you have said, perfectly reasonable and normal. If he wants to see obsessed send him to me for a week (and I say that with a DH that supports me wholeheartedly as and when needed even though it regularly disrupts our lives).

He just expects you to be the dutiful wife at his beck and call and needs calling out on his serious double standards!

Hon, this doesn't exactly relate to your issue but let me just share with you a story of mine:

So my DP accuses me of "being on the phone all the time" when we are traveling. For context, this is a road trip, just the two of us... Sometimes going to places we've been to before and sometimes to new places.

When I am "on the phone",
it is to check traffic (he gets really annoyed when we run into construction so I find alternate routes),
to check weather (not just any old weather, but severe storm / tornado / heavy wind / wildfire updates),
to look up places of interest in the next town that we will be visiting (and when I say interest I don't mean my interest I mean his interest, I'm not talking about a shop I would like to visit or restaurant that has a type of food that I fancy that he doesn't... I mean museums and displays and other things in his area of interest),
booking a hotel for the evening (and doing research on the road to find the best price, the best included breakfast with all the foods that he likes most... Like if I choose a hotel in which the included breakfast does not have bagels or a meat like bacon/sausage then he moans about it... So I have to search through reviews, most recent first, that specifically mention breakfast and if they mention what type of hot foods are available)
I could give more examples but I think you understand what I'm doing on my phone.

What I am not doing on my phone is: watching videos, listening to podcasts, looking at jokes, personal emails etc.
But if he glances over while driving and sees me on the phone, then he gets mad. Even when I say "hey, I'm checking the road report up ahead, I just found a museum that you were interested in, I looked up the directions to it, the admission price, and their hours..."

He doesn't apologize, but he'll say some offhand dismissive excuse like "well I didn't know what you were doing" or he'll say "when I see you on your phone I think that you're not interested in being with me"...
To which again I remind him that I'm 100% invested in our trip, that I'm looking up things to make our trip better, easier, smoother.
He always appreciates when I pick a great hotel, find a fantastic museum, locate away around construction detours etc, and yet, he has to have complained about this 500 times in the last 5 years.

You think he would learn.
You think I would.

Not sure if this helps, but I understand how you're feeling about this. You're not disrupting family life with your work, but he's making it sound like you are.
And it's unfair.