To be worried social services will remove my child

[ThatRealBlueQuoter]

hi please could someone offer me some advice the things I about to share are so shameful I can’t believe looking back that I let these things happen and now I think I may end up losing my dc because of it,I was with my ex husband 18 years we have 5dc together he was very abusive to me and my children hitting us punching kicking we wasn’t allowed to watch television the children wasn’t allowed toys because they were apparently against his religion (he is Muslim Pakistani I’m British white)I was not in contact with my family my ex’s family would tell me he is in the right he is there father and I was kind of brainwashed by it all ,since we have escaped my children have started different schools as we moved city I just upped and left one day and we fled,with the school I was honest with them about the past because I want the help and support my dc need in the past social services had been involved but I never spoke up which I’m so ashamed about now,one particular incident I told the school was that around 6 years ago my husband strangled my son making him pass out and crack open his head on a table my husband told me to take him a and e at the time and say it was a accident which I did,when I told the teacher this he said he must report this to social services which I understood but me and the children are safe now no contact at all with ex but I don’t no what to do I’m so scared of losing my children please can someone offer some advice thankyou

Why would they take your children for something your ex husband did 6 years ago? You aren't with him now and the children aren't at risk. I am a social work manager and this would not even warrant more than a phone call. Relax. And well done for getting you and your children away and safe!

You should report, it will help keep him away from them. Presumably he can just apply for joint custody and get it without this sort of evidence?

you’ve done an amazing job OP, well done. SS don’t punish you retrospectively for not reporting it at the time, they judge your ability to parent today and in the future x

Hey, if what you told us about your life with him then social care will not do anything.

If you were still with him it would be a different story.

You've done the right thing in getting away from him.

But social services don’t remove children, courts do.

I’m sure you knew what she meant

The distinction isn't relevant to the average person is it? Courts only remove children when social services apply for them to do so 🙄

(in public proceedings, before anyone points out that private proceedings exist, I am aware)

Well done for leaving. No one is going to remove the children from you if you left him. I would say report the abuse, unless that puts you at risk. Stay safe.

Try not to worry too much. Social services will just want to keep an eye on you to ensure that you aren't going to go back to him and that you aren't going to allow him to see the children so that the children are not at risk of harm.

Thank you so much I have done a lot of wrong and made many mistakes but I’m trying so hard to put things right I overthink and over analyse things so much so thankyou for your reply

Exactly this. Well done for leaving him op.

Thankyou I do know what I mean I’m abit all over the place at the moment

Well done for leaving, but after such abuse you need support. Can you contact women’s aid or a local domestic abuse charity. Go to your GP and explain what you have been though and ask for counselling for the children and you. Make contact with your family. Anything else you need to do to be safe x

Well done for escaping him. Have you ever reported his abuse to the police? He doesn't deserve to get away with it. Co-operate with SS, tell them everything. I'm sure they won't punish you - he's the one who needs charging.

Maybe your right but I let it go on for all these years I honestly can’t believe I was so blind I’m scared he will get prosecuted I don’t know why he does deserve to be

Contact Women’s Aid. They will be able to give you expert advice on keeping your family safe. You may find that there is a local church that also offers in-person support and can connect you with local services. Are you able to make contact with your own family again?

Oh love, there is no way Social Services will seek to remove your children now you have them safe and away from their abusive father

Yes, the teacher does need to inform SS where there has been such a disclosure of violence. But in your situation SS will want to support and help you. Tell them everything, they may be able to keep you safe.

Well done for leaving such an abusive man. He sounds very cruel.

Does he know where you are? Will he try to get access to or custody of the children?

This is why it is important that you tell the social worker everything. To make sure that a court would never give him access.

You have nothing to be ashamed about, nothing at all.

I agree with this. What you and your children have been through is really traumatic. Well done for getting away. The best thing that you can do now is seek support to help your children (and you) to recover from the abuse you all suffered.
You also need make sure that you will remain safe, so seek support (I’m not sure where from, but I’m sure someone else on here can give some information) to make sure that your ex-husband can’t track you down. I’m not saying that to frighten you, but put anything in place to make sure that you and the children can now live the relaxed and safe life that you all deserve.

The reason why they have to report it is because they have a duty of care to ensure you won't need to go back. You've already done what they'd have expected of you.

How's your son doing since he was permanently excluded for punching another student three times in the face for pulling his chair out from under him?

Did he go into Alternative Provision/a PRU or was the exclusion reversed?

Are you worried for your safety if he finds out where you live now?

If yes, then you really ought to inform the police. They'll help keep you safe.

You were a victim along side your children. The important thing is that you have left him now although your children are going to need a lot of therapy and help for their trauma.

Work with social services and their school and any other support network you can use. They will need it.

i honestly feel so bad for u, he had done a good number on you and the family. You need proper support and advice, u must be open with social services, remember this WAS NOT you doing this, you were a victim too and regardless when u left, u still eventually left and u need to be proud of this. Not everyone can do it. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to get away. You and your kids are now safe. There is lots of support but u need help to utilise them. First point of contact can be your GP. Then there is domestic violence support, woman’s aid, homeless support can refer. Phone the Samaritans they can refer you. But the best thing to do is speak to social services and tell them your fears, tbh they will have an idea anyways. Make sure it is a social worker you feel comfortable with or speak to one of the services and they can come with you or be present to speak to social services. You are ALWAYS allowed to have someone with you to meetings. Good luck x

I think they would only try to remove DC if you got back with your ex so try not to worry. Take the support that is offered, they may want you to do some work around relationships to prevent it happening again, some safety plan with you and DC and some therapeutic support with DC. Well done on getting out, you've done the right things, you've also done right being honest about this so you and your DC can be open and get the support needed.

Well done on getting out op! No advice but support xxx

Not reporting it sounds worse. Wht y would you hide ir? Reporting protects them from ever being taken by him!