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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried social services will remove my child

60 replies

ThatRealBlueQuoter · 11/11/2025 18:30

hi please could someone offer me some advice the things I about to share are so shameful I can’t believe looking back that I let these things happen and now I think I may end up losing my dc because of it,I was with my ex husband 18 years we have 5dc together he was very abusive to me and my children hitting us punching kicking we wasn’t allowed to watch television the children wasn’t allowed toys because they were apparently against his religion (he is Muslim Pakistani I’m British white)I was not in contact with my family my ex’s family would tell me he is in the right he is there father and I was kind of brainwashed by it all ,since we have escaped my children have started different schools as we moved city I just upped and left one day and we fled,with the school I was honest with them about the past because I want the help and support my dc need in the past social services had been involved but I never spoke up which I’m so ashamed about now,one particular incident I told the school was that around 6 years ago my husband strangled my son making him pass out and crack open his head on a table my husband told me to take him a and e at the time and say it was a accident which I did,when I told the teacher this he said he must report this to social services which I understood but me and the children are safe now no contact at all with ex but I don’t no what to do I’m so scared of losing my children please can someone offer some advice thankyou

OP posts:
Katie0909 · 11/11/2025 22:33

You have been subjected to domestic violence and coercive control and have bravely taken yourself and your children away from it. Social Services will be understanding and supportive as any concerns for the children have been greatly reduced by leaving the aggressor. Good luck, I hope you feel more able to relax and put your fears aside.

Original poster
ThatRealBlueQuoter · 11/11/2025 22:58

Katie0909 · 11/11/2025 22:33

You have been subjected to domestic violence and coercive control and have bravely taken yourself and your children away from it. Social Services will be understanding and supportive as any concerns for the children have been greatly reduced by leaving the aggressor. Good luck, I hope you feel more able to relax and put your fears aside.

I feel a lot better after posting thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatRealBlueQuoter · 11/11/2025 23:00

Livelovebehappy · 11/11/2025 20:38

Sorry, probably in the minority, but I honestly struggle to see how a mother could allow her children to be punched and kicked. I get that with DV there is coercion and emotional manipulation, and understand if you had no children how you could be beaten down mentally, but watching your DCs go through physical abuse? Good that you’ve escaped, but hope it’s not too late to save them from severe emotional trauma in their adult years.

I’m in the minority myself believe me the guilt is overwhelming

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatRealBlueQuoter · 11/11/2025 23:04

intrepidgiraffe · 11/11/2025 20:38

I’m a social worker. If you are honest with them about the past, don’t allow the children any contact with your ex, and don’t get into a new relationship you won’t be at any risk of losing them (unless there are unrelated concerns about your ability to meet their needs/ them being beyond your control).

if you’re not honest they are likely to perceive the risk to be higher.

if you allow the children contact with your ex they will need to be confident that this doesn’t pose your children risk (which it sounds like it would from what you’ve said).

if you get a new partner - could be fine, but they will be concerned about a pattern repeating and you not being able to spot warning signs. If you do meet a new partner be honest with them, let them police check him etc.

Edited

Another partner is way out of the equation I owe it to my children to fully concentrate on there’s and my healing as I said to another poster what would my children think of me if I brung another man into the house even if he was decent it would cause Kaos I wouldn’t do that to them

OP posts:
Praying4Peace · 11/11/2025 23:04

ThatRealBlueQuoter · 11/11/2025 19:04

Thank you so much I have done a lot of wrong and made many mistakes but I’m trying so hard to put things right I overthink and over analyse things so much so thankyou for your reply

Show quote history

Congratulations on finding the strength to leave your ex husband, amazing.
Wishing you and your children all the best for the future

Original poster
ThatRealBlueQuoter · 11/11/2025 23:06

Newsenmum · 11/11/2025 19:52

Not reporting it sounds worse. Wht y would you hide ir? Reporting protects them from ever being taken by him!

Yes that’s very true a part of me is still scared but I’m working on it now slowly bringing it out in the open

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 11/11/2025 23:10

Your ex should have been prosecuted for attempted murder. Can't believe you let this serious incident go. But its in the past so I doubt SS will act now.

Praying4Peace · 11/11/2025 23:10

NeverDropYourMooncup · 11/11/2025 19:38

How's your son doing since he was permanently excluded for punching another student three times in the face for pulling his chair out from under him?

Did he go into Alternative Provision/a PRU or was the exclusion reversed?

Excuse me, what do you mean by this post?
I really hope that you aren't being sarcastic and critical of the OP who has been through so much and has demonstrated amazing strength and bravery

NeverDropYourMooncup · 11/11/2025 23:11

Praying4Peace · 11/11/2025 23:10

Excuse me, what do you mean by this post?
I really hope that you aren't being sarcastic and critical of the OP who has been through so much and has demonstrated amazing strength and bravery

Show quote history

Already explained that I meant 'how is he?'.

HeyThereDelila · 11/11/2025 23:34

Well done on leaving him. Don’t allow him access to your children and don’t ever return to him.

I would seek therapy or counselling for yourself and your children, and tell their new school what has happened so if they act up at school their teachers are understanding and supportive.

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