To be worried social services will remove my child

[ThatRealBlueQuoter]

hi please could someone offer me some advice the things I about to share are so shameful I can’t believe looking back that I let these things happen and now I think I may end up losing my dc because of it,I was with my ex husband 18 years we have 5dc together he was very abusive to me and my children hitting us punching kicking we wasn’t allowed to watch television the children wasn’t allowed toys because they were apparently against his religion (he is Muslim Pakistani I’m British white)I was not in contact with my family my ex’s family would tell me he is in the right he is there father and I was kind of brainwashed by it all ,since we have escaped my children have started different schools as we moved city I just upped and left one day and we fled,with the school I was honest with them about the past because I want the help and support my dc need in the past social services had been involved but I never spoke up which I’m so ashamed about now,one particular incident I told the school was that around 6 years ago my husband strangled my son making him pass out and crack open his head on a table my husband told me to take him a and e at the time and say it was a accident which I did,when I told the teacher this he said he must report this to social services which I understood but me and the children are safe now no contact at all with ex but I don’t no what to do I’m so scared of losing my children please can someone offer some advice thankyou

social services dont actually want to take children away. Prove you can support them and wont let them have another dad lile
yoir ex.

Well done for leaving him OP, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Social services will want to help, they will be able to advise you and offer the children some help. You need to make sure that man won’t be able to have any contact with the children.

You also need to look after yourself, an arrange some therapy, maybe call women's aid they will be able to help with advice also.

Have you got back in contact with your family? Do you think they will be able to offer some support.

Keep being brave, you’re doing the right thing, all the best x

Report him…but no one is going to remove children on the basis of this information….how are your kids? Have they had DV support therapy offered to them….because living in that kind of environment takes it toll emotionally and kids can end up with loads of issues going forward into adulthood without the right support…..have you been offered early help support?

The school have to report it because he presumably still has parental responsibility.

If he just turned up at school one day and decided he wanted to take them, then he could, legally, and there's nothing you could do about it.

That's the schools concern and it does happen. Men who are abusive will stalk, and they will take advantage, so the school just need to make sure they've done everything they can to prevent that from happening to the children.

Thankyou ❤️

I hope your children are in therapy and get the support they need.

Are you been sarcastic? And he is getting the help and support he needs and deserves

They are now yes

Yes they did ask if he had parental responsibility that’s why I want to be as honest as I can be with everybody but my ex used to always tell me we will lose the kids if people find out etc and I suppose it’s still engrained in my head and I’m still scared about been completely open as I could not live without them

I'm glad he was and hope he can start to feel more settled. My DS was in a PRU for a while due to his SEN and I know several of the other children had witnessed DV.

Yes now we are away from him I can clearly see the damage that has been done to the children now they have been suddenly been allowed to express themselves not in always good ways either unfortunately but yes I have been offered early help and have took it thankyou

Nice necessary pedantic correction there 🤨

Water of a ducks back 😊

Did you need to specify exactly what was said in a previous post? How about ‘how is your son now doing since the incident you previously posted about?’.

Thankyou for your kind works they mean a lot

it wasn’t put very nice but as I said water of a ducks back after years of mental and emotional abuse I have heard worse and don’t bother rising to it anymore thankyou

Sorry, probably in the minority, but I honestly struggle to see how a mother could allow her children to be punched and kicked. I get that with DV there is coercion and emotional manipulation, and understand if you had no children how you could be beaten down mentally, but watching your DCs go through physical abuse? Good that you’ve escaped, but hope it’s not too late to save them from severe emotional trauma in their adult years.

I’m a social worker. If you are honest with them about the past, don’t allow the children any contact with your ex, and don’t get into a new relationship you won’t be at any risk of losing them (unless there are unrelated concerns about your ability to meet their needs/ them being beyond your control).

if you’re not honest they are likely to perceive the risk to be higher.

if you allow the children contact with your ex they will need to be confident that this doesn’t pose your children risk (which it sounds like it would from what you’ve said).

if you get a new partner - could be fine, but they will be concerned about a pattern repeating and you not being able to spot warning signs. If you do meet a new partner be honest with them, let them police check him etc.

I would never even think of letting any man into mine or my child’s life’s until there all at least of age imagine the destruction that would be even if it was a decent man,it will never happen the only man in there life is my dad who is very patient with them takes them out bike riding normal things they never got to do

You’re brave and strong! I hope you get the support you need.
You’re a good mother - they won’t take them off you.
You didn’t deserve what happened to you 💐

No, I was asking how he was. I posted on your exclusion thread telling you about how the appeal process would enable you to access an independent SEND expert at no cost, which could help establish any need arising from the assaults/attempted murder on the part of his father.

Why not? Because referring to a 'previous incident' usually derails a thread into 'what happened?' 'what was the previous incident?' 'here's a link to the previous thread' 'it's terribly bad form to stalk the OP and post links to a previous thread' 'I'd never post a link to a previous thread' 'Is there a previous thread?' 'Have I read this post before?' and suchlike.

It wasn't meant to be anything but a question how it went. If anything, it validates your post here as the circumstances haven't changed at all. And I wasn't one of the people telling you to give it up, he was an awful child who needed to be kept away from others.

Is your disclosure part of the appeal process or something you've said to a SEND expert/new teacher/PRU staff?

Well done OP. You did a brave thing for your children. I am not really qualified to comment on the social services element of this but you should be proud of yourself. I recommend talking to a professional if you can to process this. Good luck.

OP, please don't think you did anything wrong. That's exactly what he's brainwashed you to think. You were in an abusive relationship and you got your kids to a place of safety. That's a massive achievement.
You do need some support now. Both you and your kids need TLC. Start with your GP or health visitor and take things from there.
You've got this.