Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should he have asked my permission to post photo of me?

69 replies

Gymaddict23 · 11/11/2025 15:52

I went on a spa day with my boyfriend of c.8 months yesterday, we were relaxing poolside and had a treatment/lunch - really lovely.

When I went on social media last night and watched his story I saw he had posted a photo of me I wasn’t aware was taken. I was walking away from our loungers to go in the pool so it was of me in a bikini from behind. He posted a comment with this about it being a hard Monday or words to that effect.

I messaged him and asked if he’d take it down. He said he would but that he was showing me off as he is proud to be with me and that he wouldn’t have posted it if my face was visible.

AIBU to feel a bit weirded out?

OP posts:
EgregiouslyOverdressed · 11/11/2025 15:53

I always ask before posting a picture of someone else - it's just courteous.

Were you identifiable and did he tag you?

Edited to add that people do tend to think of stories as being more ephemeral and less of a big deal than grid posts. How old are you both?

Original poster
Gymaddict23 · 11/11/2025 15:54

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 11/11/2025 15:53

I always ask before posting a picture of someone else - it's just courteous.

Were you identifiable and did he tag you?

Edited to add that people do tend to think of stories as being more ephemeral and less of a big deal than grid posts. How old are you both?

Edited

No he didn’t tag me and you couldn’t see my face, but to anyone who has met me who he knows e.g couple friends it would have been obvious it was me.

I wouldn’t even post a photo like that of myself , it feels so tacky.

OP posts:
Overtheatlantic · 11/11/2025 15:57

It seems like he was objectifying you.

Swiftie1878 · 11/11/2025 15:58

He should have asked. Hopefully lesson learned.

Alittlefrustrated · 11/11/2025 16:04

I'd be mortified.
However, I'd forgive, this once.
Many years ago, when I was young and slim, my DP showed his parents a photo of me coming out of the sea after snorkling.
He thought I looked fantastic 'like a Bond girl'. Unfortunately I was topless.
He is still my DP 36 years later, and knows not to share revealing photos 🙄

Makemeanonymous · 11/11/2025 16:09

he was showing me off as he is proud to be with me

So he sees you as his arm candy.

I think that is really creepy behaviour.

You will need to be very careful about what other photos he takes of you with out you knowing and shows off to his pals.

MattCauthon · 11/11/2025 16:11

I think it's pretty well established that sharing photos of otherpeople online isn't something you do without a fairly good idea it's okay, adnd in the case of photos that show a person's body you need explicit permission.

I'd be more worried about the fact that he's objectifying you on his SM stories. Ick.

BauhausOfEliott · 11/11/2025 16:55

It sounds like the subtext of his post was more 'I'm having a day at a spa with my gorgeous girlfriend instead of slogging away at work, I could definitely get used to this' rather than 'Oi lads, get a load of my bird'.

He should have asked you first, though. Maybe he didn't think it would be a problem for you to appear briefly in his Stories in a bikini if you were happy to appear in it to the other people at the spa - but for me, those two things feel quite different somehow and I'm a bit funny about seeing myself in photos sometimes.

Personally, I wouldn't feel particularly objectified by this, but I would definitely want to be asked if I was OK with it and I might well say no. I'd feel flattered that he found me so attractive, not going to lie. But I wouldn't necessarily want the picture on social media.

RawBloomers · 11/11/2025 17:06

I wouldn’t expect someone to ask permission off the bat, but I would expect them to take it down if asked and to respect a request not to post photos without asking first.

devildeepbluesea · 11/11/2025 17:08

I wouldn’t expect to be asked permission if I’m usually ok with social media BUT I absolutely would expect to be asked if the picture is in any way personal or compromising. So I’d be more than a bit cross about that.

whistlesandbells · 11/11/2025 18:48

I find it a little odd that you found the picture of yourself that he posted at a later point and he hadn’t thought to mention it or check if posting you in a bikini is ok with you tbh. Seems all quite disconnected. It’s a shame you weren’t together when you saw it because it may have landed differently with you if you could have spoken to him in person and see his response.

8 months together - are you a solid couple or casual dating at this point?

hebri · 11/11/2025 22:52

It’s flattering that he wants to show you off, but really odd that he took a picture without even telling you & then putting it on social media without asking.

Having said that, I might not be so annoyed if I look good in the pic

Owly11 · 11/11/2025 22:56

urgh he sounds gross. I would make sure he takes it down and then ditch him before he has a chance to take any more photos/videos of you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/11/2025 22:58

He should have asked. And I would have minded. I never post anything of DH without asking.

nomas · 11/11/2025 23:01

What an utter creepy knob. Please make sure this man never has any intimate pictures of you, chances are they’ll end up online.

Rocknrollstar · 12/11/2025 00:17

He broke the rules. You aren’t allowed to take photos in spas.

WaryHiker · 12/11/2025 00:21

Would he have posted picture of you in just your underwear? If not, he ought to be able to understand why it was completely inappropriate to post one of you in your bikini without your permission.

He sounds either a bit dodgy or completely thick and self-centered. Either way, I would be getting rid.

Edited for typo.

BlueSeagull · 12/11/2025 06:26

I think it’s easy to read too much in to this, personally wouldn’t have a problem with although would tell him to show me photo/tell first next time.

it honestly sounds like a bit of look how great my day is spa and gorgeous partner. Can’t believe people are jumping to him taking intimate photos that he will post.

if it’s made you uncomfortable talk to him but I don’t think it’s quite the issue some people are making out.

JustMerelyHere · 12/11/2025 06:33

You are not being unreasonable and it was a stupid thing to do without your consent. Without more information though I wouldn't guess it was objectification or meant in any negative way. He obviously thought you looked great, was probably just feeling pleased to be having a good time and thoughtlessly shared it. Hopefully a lesson learned on his part about boundaries.

Chiseltip · 12/11/2025 06:52

Makemeanonymous · 11/11/2025 16:09

he was showing me off as he is proud to be with me

So he sees you as his arm candy.

I think that is really creepy behaviour.

You will need to be very careful about what other photos he takes of you with out you knowing and shows off to his pals.

😂

northernballer · 12/11/2025 06:52

Hope there was noone else in shot - I'd be raging if I was at a spa and some dickhead was taking photos all over the place.

youalright · 12/11/2025 07:03

If it was just a photo I would rather him ask but be ok if he didn't but if someone posted a photo of me in a bikini without asking me I wouldn't be ok with that. Being in swimwear/underwear, a towel is significantly different to being dressed.

Ddakji · 12/11/2025 07:06

Are you very young? Because that does sound like a “look at my fit girlfriend” post to his mates, which feels quite a juvenile thing to do.

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 12/11/2025 07:07

I think is a generational thing because as a mid 20’s woman I’d never expect to be asked permission for someone to post a story of me!

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 12/11/2025 07:08

Ddakji · 12/11/2025 07:06

Are you very young? Because that does sound like a “look at my fit girlfriend” post to his mates, which feels quite a juvenile thing to do.

It doesn’t