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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should he have asked my permission to post photo of me?

69 replies

Gymaddict23 · 11/11/2025 15:52

I went on a spa day with my boyfriend of c.8 months yesterday, we were relaxing poolside and had a treatment/lunch - really lovely.

When I went on social media last night and watched his story I saw he had posted a photo of me I wasn’t aware was taken. I was walking away from our loungers to go in the pool so it was of me in a bikini from behind. He posted a comment with this about it being a hard Monday or words to that effect.

I messaged him and asked if he’d take it down. He said he would but that he was showing me off as he is proud to be with me and that he wouldn’t have posted it if my face was visible.

AIBU to feel a bit weirded out?

OP posts:
MMAS · 12/11/2025 18:54

But he didn't say nice things did he - the OP's post mentioned he said it was a hard Monday or something similar. That's not a doting boyfriend's comment.

FlockofSquirrels · 12/11/2025 19:01

You've been dating 8 months. What's your established norm/pattern for posting photos of each other? Do you ask before posting pics of him? Does he usually ask you and/or have you mentioned it when he or others haven't?

There isn't a single right way to handle this within a relationship - each pair needs to decide what their own standard will be. Yes, I think it's respectful to not post photos of others without permission but it's also very common and reasonable for good friends, families or romantic partners to have some level of assumed consent where they don't ask about every photo. Establishing those sorts of norms will usually involve some open communication.

Zippidydoodah · 12/11/2025 19:03

MMAS · 12/11/2025 18:54

But he didn't say nice things did he - the OP's post mentioned he said it was a hard Monday or something similar. That's not a doting boyfriend's comment.

You what?

Don’t you get the humour in that?

CoraLea · 12/11/2025 19:22

Gymaddict23 · 11/11/2025 15:54

No he didn’t tag me and you couldn’t see my face, but to anyone who has met me who he knows e.g couple friends it would have been obvious it was me.

I wouldn’t even post a photo like that of myself , it feels so tacky.

Show quote history

By your logic, your friends have eyes. They know what you look like already. Does it really matter?

MMAS · 12/11/2025 19:29

Perhaps you and I are of a different generation and the meaning has been lost on you,

Redwaterr · 12/11/2025 20:01

I don't think posting a picture like this is a universal no no in this day and age. I can see why you didn't like it and I can see why he didn't think it would cause a problem. Its one of those things where you're learning about each other.

I'd only be annoyed if he did it again after I'd told him I'm uncomfortable with it.

MyLimeGuide · 12/11/2025 20:07

FarmGirl78 · 12/11/2025 07:43

It's a hard Monday?

He's not posted photos of his legs on the sun lounger with the pool as the back drop. Or a posh drink on the side table. He's posted a rear view of his girlfriend in a bikini. A hard day is a play on words that he's got a boner from being around her dressed like that. Its meme territory.

How has no-one else clicked this is what he meant?!

Agree with this! I thought that as soon as I readit - "hard" monday lol

NormasArse · 12/11/2025 21:04

Chiseltip · 12/11/2025 06:52

😂

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I had a similar reaction!

WimbyAce · 12/11/2025 22:35

I think he has meant it in a nice way. But yes it does feel a little creepy that he has taken a photo of you in a bikini without you knowing and then posted it online without you knowing.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 12/11/2025 23:01

Hugely disrespectful for him to do that without your permission.

Could be a bit of a knob tbh.

Dump him?

Cherryicecreamx · 13/11/2025 00:52

Hmm funnily enough I think I would have felt complimented before, that he is proud to be seen with me and reassured that he's not "hiding" me which seems to happen a lot. But I do look at things a bit different now, like the first thing that came to my head was him taking a picture of me unknowingly. And being a bikini pic that does feel like a privacy breach.
I think it's a good chance to express how you feel and say that you would like to check any pics of you before it goes on social media and a good guy will of course respect your wishes going forward.

Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit · 13/11/2025 00:56

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 12/11/2025 07:08

It doesn’t

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Agreed
madness
just madness

Hopingtobeaparent · 13/11/2025 16:56

This. Ick.

Valeriekat · 13/11/2025 17:26

BauhausOfEliott · 11/11/2025 16:55

It sounds like the subtext of his post was more 'I'm having a day at a spa with my gorgeous girlfriend instead of slogging away at work, I could definitely get used to this' rather than 'Oi lads, get a load of my bird'.

He should have asked you first, though. Maybe he didn't think it would be a problem for you to appear briefly in his Stories in a bikini if you were happy to appear in it to the other people at the spa - but for me, those two things feel quite different somehow and I'm a bit funny about seeing myself in photos sometimes.

Personally, I wouldn't feel particularly objectified by this, but I would definitely want to be asked if I was OK with it and I might well say no. I'd feel flattered that he found me so attractive, not going to lie. But I wouldn't necessarily want the picture on social media.

Y'all don't think that the word "hard" is significant?

NormasArse · 13/11/2025 18:51

Valeriekat · 13/11/2025 17:26

Y'all don't think that the word "hard" is significant?

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I honestly don’t- that’s the sort of thing DH would write without realising.

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 06/03/2026 04:23

StartingOverInMy40s · 12/11/2025 18:26

Honestly think there’s lots of over reacting in this thread.

He’s done wrong by not asking but the context behind is just that he’s having a lovely Monday with you at the spa. he’s proud to be with you - doesn’t mean he’s objectifying you x x

He said he’s having a ‘hard Monday’. As it’s a photo featuring his gf’s arse in flimsy clothing it’s not difficult to see this could easily be interpreted as sexual and objectifying. The fact he thought it was ok bc it didn’t feature her face makes it more so as he thought she’d be happy being anonymous - which she clearly wasn’t (as she rightly points out -) any of his friends who have met her or know of her, know who the photo is of.

And even if he didn’t state it was her, did he think she’d be happy at his friends believing he’d just taken a photo of some random woman in a bikini and posted it to his social media?

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 06/03/2026 04:26

CoraLea · 12/11/2025 19:22

By your logic, your friends have eyes. They know what you look like already. Does it really matter?

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They’ve probably not all seen her in a bikini

acorncrush · 06/03/2026 04:32

Sorry he took a picture of your ass in a bikini and showed it off on social media without telling you?

And he’s trying to defend this?

He needs an attitude adjustment.

UniquePinkSwan · 06/03/2026 07:33

I wouldn’t care but Mumsnet will have him classed as a sexual deviant who you must get rid of immediately

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