Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should he have asked my permission to post photo of me?

69 replies

Gymaddict23 · 11/11/2025 15:52

I went on a spa day with my boyfriend of c.8 months yesterday, we were relaxing poolside and had a treatment/lunch - really lovely.

When I went on social media last night and watched his story I saw he had posted a photo of me I wasn’t aware was taken. I was walking away from our loungers to go in the pool so it was of me in a bikini from behind. He posted a comment with this about it being a hard Monday or words to that effect.

I messaged him and asked if he’d take it down. He said he would but that he was showing me off as he is proud to be with me and that he wouldn’t have posted it if my face was visible.

AIBU to feel a bit weirded out?

OP posts:
Ddakji · 12/11/2025 07:10

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 12/11/2025 07:08

It doesn’t

Show quote history

To you. To me it does. And you’ve just said you’re in your mid-20s, which to me is young (I’m mid 50s). So maybe something that feels juvenile to me isn’t going to to you.

Zippidydoodah · 12/11/2025 07:22

BauhausOfEliott · 11/11/2025 16:55

It sounds like the subtext of his post was more 'I'm having a day at a spa with my gorgeous girlfriend instead of slogging away at work, I could definitely get used to this' rather than 'Oi lads, get a load of my bird'.

He should have asked you first, though. Maybe he didn't think it would be a problem for you to appear briefly in his Stories in a bikini if you were happy to appear in it to the other people at the spa - but for me, those two things feel quite different somehow and I'm a bit funny about seeing myself in photos sometimes.

Personally, I wouldn't feel particularly objectified by this, but I would definitely want to be asked if I was OK with it and I might well say no. I'd feel flattered that he found me so attractive, not going to lie. But I wouldn't necessarily want the picture on social media.

This is a balanced view.

I think I’d be flattered that he thought I looked great in a bikini, especially if it was a good photo, and that he was having a great Monday with me….but that’s me. What’s important here is how YOU feel about YOUR body being put on social media, and you’re within your rights to ask him to take it down. Hopefully he’ll ask in future before posting you online (or just doesn’t do it).

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 12/11/2025 07:27

Ddakji · 12/11/2025 07:10

To you. To me it does. And you’ve just said you’re in your mid-20s, which to me is young (I’m mid 50s). So maybe something that feels juvenile to me isn’t going to to you.

Show quote history

Nice little dig there.

At the end of the day, he’s posted a story about how happy he is because he’s at a spa with his girlfriend. How on earth is that juvenile or pig like?

Mumdiva99 · 12/11/2025 07:28

I wouldn't care. I post pictures which have me and him in. My husband never posts unless it's food or gym related, so I would be pleased!! Lol. My back i couldn't give two hoots about. If it's only your friends that will recognise you I don't see the problem.
However if you have an agreement he should ask then it is courtesy he asks.

Sunfloweranddaisy · 12/11/2025 07:30

Everyone is different but I would definitely not like this. When photos are taken from behind it’s usually staged so when I see a pic like that I would think the person from behind wanted it posted. A bikini shot from behind to me is cringey.
If someone did that to me I would not be happy and like you would ask them to remove it.
Again this is my view only but I would definitely have my guard up now and i would be seeing the bloke in a different light.

Ineffable23 · 12/11/2025 07:33

BauhausOfEliott · 11/11/2025 16:55

It sounds like the subtext of his post was more 'I'm having a day at a spa with my gorgeous girlfriend instead of slogging away at work, I could definitely get used to this' rather than 'Oi lads, get a load of my bird'.

He should have asked you first, though. Maybe he didn't think it would be a problem for you to appear briefly in his Stories in a bikini if you were happy to appear in it to the other people at the spa - but for me, those two things feel quite different somehow and I'm a bit funny about seeing myself in photos sometimes.

Personally, I wouldn't feel particularly objectified by this, but I would definitely want to be asked if I was OK with it and I might well say no. I'd feel flattered that he found me so attractive, not going to lie. But I wouldn't necessarily want the picture on social media.

I think this one sums up my thoughts about this. I think it's more flattering than offensive but can see why you might not like it.

As long as he's taken it down when you've asked I think it's probably not worth staying upset over.

LeafyLou · 12/11/2025 07:34

Up to you OP to let him know.

I used to have a good figure but that is very much in the past thanks to age and having DC. I wish I could return my body back to my bikini days.

GooseyGandalf · 12/11/2025 07:35

I wouldn’t like that at all. And I wouldn’t be flattered by it.

It’s taking an intimate moment and turning it into social credit. You’re not a commodity. You’re a person.

GooseyGandalf · 12/11/2025 07:38

It doesn’t really matter what any of us would like or accept- it wasn’t ok with you and that should be enough.

What you need to consider is whether he respects your line, or doubles down.

DaisyChain505 · 12/11/2025 07:42

It doesn’t sound like there was ill intentions just that he didn’t think about if you’d actually want that photo of yourself online.

People of this generation are so used to posting every aspect of their life online and not actually stopping to think about what they’re posting and sometimes they need it bought to their attention that they should think twice about what and who they post.

FarmGirl78 · 12/11/2025 07:43

It's a hard Monday?

He's not posted photos of his legs on the sun lounger with the pool as the back drop. Or a posh drink on the side table. He's posted a rear view of his girlfriend in a bikini. A hard day is a play on words that he's got a boner from being around her dressed like that. Its meme territory.

How has no-one else clicked this is what he meant?!

Terrytheweasel · 12/11/2025 07:48

I’d let him off this once as you weren’t tagged and face wasn’t in it.
Hopefully he won’t do it again.

Ddakji · 12/11/2025 07:49

WeCouldBeNiceToEachOther · 12/11/2025 07:27

Nice little dig there.

At the end of the day, he’s posted a story about how happy he is because he’s at a spa with his girlfriend. How on earth is that juvenile or pig like?

Show quote history

He’s posted a picture of his half naked girlfriend on social media without her permission, and said he wants to show her off.

gannett · 12/11/2025 08:03

Overtheatlantic · 11/11/2025 15:57

It seems like he was objectifying you.

I don't think there's anything wrong with two people in a relationship objectifying each other. In fact it can be a lot of fun. It's only a problem if the only means of appreciation is an objectifying one - but the idea that my partner finds me sexually attractive isn't remotely creepy.

As for the photo... most of the time DP or I run past which photos of each other we'll put on socials (not that we use socials a ton these days) but not always. I would OK a flattering bikini picture of me without hesitation and I've definitely posted him in swimming shorts before. I tend to think that if I've posed for the photo and not explicitly said I don't want it on social media, it's consent of sorts - thinking more of photos that friends take of me, including beach ones, where we definitely don't run which specific ones get put on socials past each other.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 12/11/2025 08:09

Alittlefrustrated · 11/11/2025 16:04

I'd be mortified.
However, I'd forgive, this once.
Many years ago, when I was young and slim, my DP showed his parents a photo of me coming out of the sea after snorkling.
He thought I looked fantastic 'like a Bond girl'. Unfortunately I was topless.
He is still my DP 36 years later, and knows not to share revealing photos 🙄

Love this 😂

Daisy12Maisie · 12/11/2025 08:11

I wouldn’t like it as I look chunky in a bikini. So maybe how you look in a bikini makes a difference to how you feel.
If I looked amazing in a bikini I probably wouldn’t mind.
I think you have told him now, as long as he takes it down and this is the first thing he has done of this nature then I would give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

ForTipsyFinch · 12/11/2025 08:18

A picture in of itself wouldn’t, but an objectifying one where my face wasn’t visible would…out of all the pictures he could choose, he chose this one. I think that’s very revealing about the type of man he is. Things like this often say more than words can.

MaplePumpkin · 12/11/2025 08:26

I’m 36 and wouldn’t like this.
But mainly because of the bikini element. If we were at a farm and my boyfriend took a candid photo of me that I wasn’t aware of, playing with an alpaca, then put it on his story, I probably wouldn’t mind.
But if he videod me from behind, at a spa, wearing a bikini, and posted it… without showing me first or mentioning it at all then yes I would find that very weird.
Especially 8 months in, it doesn’t feel quite right.

Halfwaytheree · 12/11/2025 08:32

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 11/11/2025 15:53

I always ask before posting a picture of someone else - it's just courteous.

Were you identifiable and did he tag you?

Edited to add that people do tend to think of stories as being more ephemeral and less of a big deal than grid posts. How old are you both?

Edited

She was basically naked and in a photo from behind, I’m guessing he’s only posted it to flaunt her ass

Mumdiva99 · 12/11/2025 10:05

FarmGirl78 · 12/11/2025 07:43

It's a hard Monday?

He's not posted photos of his legs on the sun lounger with the pool as the back drop. Or a posh drink on the side table. He's posted a rear view of his girlfriend in a bikini. A hard day is a play on words that he's got a boner from being around her dressed like that. Its meme territory.

How has no-one else clicked this is what he meant?!

Doesn't this say more about how your mind works than ours? Lol!!

BauhausOfEliott · 12/11/2025 12:14

FarmGirl78 · 12/11/2025 07:43

It's a hard Monday?

He's not posted photos of his legs on the sun lounger with the pool as the back drop. Or a posh drink on the side table. He's posted a rear view of his girlfriend in a bikini. A hard day is a play on words that he's got a boner from being around her dressed like that. Its meme territory.

How has no-one else clicked this is what he meant?!

It’s incredibly unlikely that this is what he meant.

Men really don’t boast about getting public erections when they see something as mild as a woman in swimwear, you know. It would imply that they were desperate and inexperienced - tantamount to admitting that they’re a sad little incel who has never seen anyone naked.

It was obviously partly a comment on the OP being attractive, but there’s no way he meant ‘hard’ in that sense.

Draytoncb · 12/11/2025 17:58

No big deal.

Redshoeblueshoe · 12/11/2025 18:18

I totally agree with FarmGirl78

StartingOverInMy40s · 12/11/2025 18:26

Honestly think there’s lots of over reacting in this thread.

He’s done wrong by not asking but the context behind is just that he’s having a lovely Monday with you at the spa. he’s proud to be with you - doesn’t mean he’s objectifying you x x

RuncibleSpoons · 12/11/2025 18:28

Extremely rude of him. And he sounds like a creep who’s happy to objectify you.