To give his head a wobble?

[MyCoatOfManyColours]

My dd had a baby by c-section 4 months ago. She has currently got mastitis and is understandably feeling quite grotty. Baby is EBF.

Her partner is quite crap at doing stuff around the house, saying he goes out to work so shouldn't have to do domestic stuff as she's home all day.

Stupid stuff like leaving undies and socks on the bathroom floor and leaving cups in the sitting room are starting to build resentment in my dd.

This morning he called her weak. She says he has little/no sympathy for the fact she has had major abdominal surgery less than 6 months ago, and that at the mo, she's quite ill.

He will only 'help'witht the baby if he's asked to. He has said he'll do more stuff around the house if she tells him what to do.

WTF is it with these manchildren? I've got a teenage son and if he grows up like this I'll be having words with him. As it is, he knows how to use a washing machine, he can wash up, hoover, do all the usual domestic drudgery.

I really want to give dd's bloke (36 yo)a shake and tell him he's making like difficult for her. He needs to bloody pull his finger out at home and do some of the crap.

Would that be a bad idea ?!

Guess it would, but how can I help her?

Knock his head off. What a nob

Whose baby does he imagine it is? I mean does he think his role ended at the shagging stage?

Ask your daughter whether you can? If she hasn’t got through to him, it’s worth you trying. Real risk the relationship breaks down over this useless behaviour

Sounds awful, why on earth did she have a baby with this man.

Did he grow up with a Mum who did everything for him?

Yes! Until she moved in, his mum would go round and do his sodding laundry!

Accidents happen.

I know, she's tried gentle cajoling, asking nicely, telling him there's nothing sexier than a man in a pair of marigolds, but he just isn't getting it.

It would seem that way!

His Mum has created a man child, and now your daughter is stuck with him.

If she tries to have a conversation with him about it, how does he react?

I'd have ripped a strip off him, not given his head a wobble. Prick.

FFs, why is it always the woman's fault for the male fuck ups and also their responsibility to fix them.OP he doesn't love or respect your daughter. Tell her to leave him.

He sounds like a lazy prick but I'm always in the camp of mother in law's should stay out of the domestic arguments of their children unless there's actual abuse involved.

Your daughter has chosen to reproduce with this man, for better or worse. The ongoing relationship is their problem, not yours. Maybe if your daughter asked you to you could have a quiet word, but I'd still be very cautious about allowing yourself to be tagged in to their relationship issue. Better to just support her through whatever decisions she makes than muscle in.

How often do we hear on here people being absolutely outraged that men have involved their mothers in an argument with their wife?

This is why I'm trying very hard not to go in all guns blazing. It's fucking annoyed me hugely because my arsehole of an ex was just like this

I don't feel that way at all.

I was asking to gauge if the OP feels he is willing to learn, change, grow. Then it may be a relationship worth fighting for.

Oh I fully get it and I'd want to string him up by his bollocks as well, but at some point you have to step back and let your kids solve their own problems - marital issues is one of those times.

I know your poor daughter probably doesn't feel like she has the energy to fight her own corner right now, but the riot act does need to come from her. He'll walk all over her forever otherwise.

Or you could go turbo meddler and contact his own mother. If she's any sort of decent she'll tear him a new arsehole.

First reply nails it!

@MyCoatOfManyColours - when ds1's lovely wife had their daughter, and earlier this year, their twins by c-section, ds1 did everything he could do, to make her life as easy as possible. He cooks, cleans, tidies, changes nappies, gets up in the night with the children (they share that, now they have the twins) - because they are his children too, and he loves his wife and wants to be there for her.

Your son in law is a lazy arse.

Yes I think.you should say something to him.

But the fact she has already pointed out to him she is recovering from major surgery and is feeling ill and he still doesn't give a shit would suggest you will probably be wasting your time.

What is it with these men who don't have an ounce of human kindness and empathy that they can watch their life partner, the person they are supposed to care about, suffer? In fact dropping his clothes on the floor for her to deal with sounds as though he actively despises her.

Really she would be better asking him to leave because then at least she wouldn't have to deal with the extra work he is causing her.

It should be ultimatum time. Either he starts behaving like a decent human being and steps up to the mark as a father and partner or else he leaves.

She should tell her she can continue to do so as she's not sodding doing it.

Then why did you say "his mum has created a manchild"? Literally blaming a woman for his bad behaviour.

Unfortunately your daughter knew who this man was and the fact his mummy used to do all his laundry screams volumes about his attitude to adult responsibilities and she chose to have a baby with him.

Only your daughter can decide if she wants to continue to stay with a piss poor excuse of an adult, partner and father. She needs to figure this one out herself.

Can your DD and baby stay with you for a few days while she's ill? Then lay it on thick with him about how ill she is and she needs to be taken care of... That might shame him a little bit at least. He sounds useless and even worse, actively unkind to your DD.

Before you go in all guns blazing, I would suggest your daughter has a proper conversation with him about this. Gentle cajoling, asking nicely and making jokes clearly aren’t working with this waste of space man. She shouldn’t have to, as he is a grown ass man and should already know to do better. But seeing as this is the man he is, she’s going to need to speak up to him properly. Not you. Her.

This.
Ask her to come over and take care of them for a few days. Tell her ‘D’P why you’ve taken this step.
What a waste of space he is!

No, give your DD's head a wobble ( when she's feeling better) and ask her if this is really the future she wants for her and baby.

He sounds pathetic but she obviously thought he was worth having a child with. Why?

You can’t step in- he’ll hate you forever and in the future it’s going to be awful at family events, if DCs want to visit grannie, he may try to stop them etc( it could ruin their relationship although I’d feel like hauling him up too).
Support your DD, the words need to come from her though, it’s her relationship.
He may step up but it’s their relationship to manage, grow up/into and sort