To give his head a wobble?

[MyCoatOfManyColours]

My dd had a baby by c-section 4 months ago. She has currently got mastitis and is understandably feeling quite grotty. Baby is EBF.

Her partner is quite crap at doing stuff around the house, saying he goes out to work so shouldn't have to do domestic stuff as she's home all day.

Stupid stuff like leaving undies and socks on the bathroom floor and leaving cups in the sitting room are starting to build resentment in my dd.

This morning he called her weak. She says he has little/no sympathy for the fact she has had major abdominal surgery less than 6 months ago, and that at the mo, she's quite ill.

He will only 'help'witht the baby if he's asked to. He has said he'll do more stuff around the house if she tells him what to do.

WTF is it with these manchildren? I've got a teenage son and if he grows up like this I'll be having words with him. As it is, he knows how to use a washing machine, he can wash up, hoover, do all the usual domestic drudgery.

I really want to give dd's bloke (36 yo)a shake and tell him he's making like difficult for her. He needs to bloody pull his finger out at home and do some of the crap.

Would that be a bad idea ?!

Guess it would, but how can I help her?

Tbf she should have heeded the warning sign, of his Mother doing his washing for him ect. His upbringing, and learned habits, will not just magically disappear overnight.

Of course he "gets it", he just doesn't want to! Calling her "weak" is the start of being emotionally abusive. It's only going to get worse.

100%

His mother certainly didn't help raising a grown man.

she needs to phone his mum every time.

"mabel, he's left his grollies on the bathroom floor can you come and move them"

"mabel he's left cups in the living room, can you come and wash them"

etc etc.

He's a nasty abusive arsehole.
Bring her home.
She's chosen an arsehole like her father.
Time she claims CM and moves home.
She chose a loser.
He will always be a loser.
Don't let her spoil her life by staying.
What a mess.
It must be so hard for you to witness this.

Well because his mum was his first teacher.

What a lovely way to describe your Grandchild. For your Daughter's sake, you should be hoping that there are no more 'accidents'.

I know that some users are a big fan of doing massive reaches in order to put the boot in with others on here but you are REALLY out of order with this one.
OP is clearly a loving mum and grandma. It’s extremely obvious that, especially given the question she as responding to, that the act of conception was the accident.
Shame on you, dick head.

Oh dear, you could have tried to make your point more eloquently than that, but never mind. Lets just say, it is okay to disagree.

My point eloquently? You were spoiling so much to put somebody down that you, based on fiction alone, implied that OP saw her grandchild as a ‘mistake’. I might have swore but you are just needlessly nasty.

Go give him a mouthful, collect your daughter and the baby and take them home for a bit.

OP was literally responding to a PPs question relating to why her DD had a child with this man

Of course, but I was commenting on her words that she used. A Woman is also more likely to be very fertile, just after having a baby. That is something to think about, maybe.

Partner not husband? She needs to be really protective of her job prospects/ career progression and pension (I know, years off but still a consideration). She must not put her career on hold to bring up a child while he continues his life completely unaffected. Whose is the house they are living in? If they are not married and it is his house she could spend years looking after his child so he can go out to work and it all break down and she would have absolutely nothing.

I would love nothing more than to have come snd stay, I've offered, but she doesn't like my house for a variety of reasons, which I understand. Plus there's not much space.; I still have two teenagers at home.
I would happily give her and the baby my bedroom for as long as she needs. That would mean me sleeping on the settee, but I really wouldn't mind.

Yes. If my DS25 behaved like this I would wonder what the hell I’d done wrong. I would absolutely be blaming myself for my rubbish parenting. I would also be scrambling to rectify it by going round there, gathering his clothes off the floor into a bin bag, waiting for him to walk through the door, and bollocking him all the way to the washing machine. He would then given an urgent lesson in laundry and washing up.

OP, you know this won’t get any better. He isn’t just a bit dim or thoughtless, he’s unpleasant. He called her ‘weak’. She needs support to leave him.

Weird take on the situation, but ok!

Stay out of it. Just support your daughter

I agree with how you feel but hold tight.

Ultimately I imagine you want him to change step up and for them to stay together. Change is less likely to happen when someone feels attacked,ganged up against and misunderstood.
That's not to say I don't fully think he is in the wrong but the way you go about this either aids or hampers the potential for change.

It might be he is incapable of change and in that case you just need to support your daughter to have the strength to leave. But you need to try and stay impartial to a degree, it must come from your daughter all the decisions.

If you make a strong case now that you are against him (as he will likely see it) if they then do stay together you run the risk of damaging the relationship they have with you because then they don't feel comfortable to visit etc

For now offer your daughter support. Maybe she can stay with you for a while. when she is well enough she needs to sit down with him and discuss things. Therapy might be helpful for both or individually.

God, I don’t know what women’s magazines are full of these days, but Cosmo-style dating guides from the early 1970s are clearly due for a renaissance.
It truly shocks me that modern young women are falling for and shacking up with men like this, when there are flashing lights and red flags surrounding them, as in this case.

If you love someone and they're ill, the normal thing to do is to worry about them, check in on them regularly, make their life as easy as possible. Leaving pants on the floor shows hatred rather than love.

I think you need to let your daughter deal with it - maybe support her to speak to him

its not your battle, upsetting as it is

Give her head a wobble first! She needs to chuck him out!!

Thankfully my partner was amazing after I had a c section, and despite working full time would still get up in the night to help me and do cleaning and cooking. Not once did he expect me to do anything on maternity leave other than look after our baby.

His mum made him do all his washing and ironing from around aged 13 and he did most of the cooking when he lived at home too - definitely something I’m hoping to replicate with my little boy!