WIBU to give an honest answer here?

[Feelbad101]

NC’d for this. Not much to say but, colleague arrived into work this morning after having her lips done. I don’t like it. She asked me what I thought and I said “I don’t think you needed it…but if you’re happy!?” I was only being honest. It looks awful. I feel bad now. WIBU!?

But you didn’t give an honest answer, though.

Hopefully it still looks sore and swollen and will settle down. She asked. You answered. If she wasn’t willing to receive a very polite non-endorsement then she shouldn’t have asked.

Yeah I did I said she didn’t need it…

This is definitely not the time or place to give a truly honest answer, especially as she can hardly undo it if everybody tells her they think that she's made a huge mistake and ruined her previously-lovely appearance.

A polite, non-committal one like you gave is fine.

I feel like as I didn’t fawn over her like others did and tell her they were lovely that by default she knows I don’t like them or agree with it. But what can I do!?

I do think there's a big divide between the people who like these lip fillers and the people (probably the majority) who think they look terrible.

I think many of the people who get them think that they're far more subtle and discreet than they are.

But it's their body and their choice; and how would it actually help anybody if somebody told them after the event that it looks awful?

I think your answer was great

You fell into that trap

But an honest answer would have been what you said on here — ‘Sandra, it looks awful.’

I don't think you need to do anything. You were polite and not at all rude.

You can't go fishing for compliments and then get upset if everybody isn't all over you with how amazing you look - especially if they (privately) don't think that you do.

It would be the same if it were a prominent tattoo or an extreme hairstyle or Phantom Of The Opera-style makeup. Be polite, but you don't have to gush about how much you love it when you don't.

I quite like doing a ‘Oh god, don’t ask me!’ Comment if I really can’t bring myself to lie.

I think your response was adequately moderated given the circumstances.

Telling her you find it horrible was unnecessary given that she can't change it back.

On the other hand, why is she asking in the first place? If she doesn't want to hear the answer, she shouldn't ask. It was her choice and none of your business anyway.

She asked and you replied. Nothing to be ashamed of.
If she did not like your answer, then she should have thought about it before making the question.
Well done for being honest OP.

thank you, I can’t help but feel bad though tbh, I’m sure it will pass.

No, but that’s not what you thought, is it? You thought, “I don’t like it, it looks horrible,” and you didn’t say that at all. Saying “ you don’t need it” is actually ingratiating and fawning.

You have no idea why i actually thought! But thanks.

in cases like this i just deflect: oh does it hurt? that type of thing.

Because i think it is unnecessary, but bodily autonomy and all that.

This. You gave a weaselly answer telling her she was so beautiful that she didn’t need it. Literally no one needs lip fillers so you basically said nothing. 🤷‍♀️

YABU. You had two choices here - a pleasantry which would have cost you nothing and done no harm, or a dig to make someone feel bad. You made the wrong choice.

The manner in which i said it was not fawning.

From the OP: “It looks awful”
Which is it? How can you “be honest” if you can’t even get your story straight?! 🤔

OP, you are getting unnecessary flak from other posters.
You haven't done anything wrong. She asked, you replied.

Yes i think it looks awful, but my thought process was not what you said my mind said! Why did she do that to her face!? I think it’s awful….not what you said. I know you may as it’s a similar thought and maybe it is but you don’t know what I was thinking exactly which is my point.

Of course I know what you thought. You said it in your opening post! I quoted exactly what you wrote.
look, what you said was fine. You weren’t rude, so just forget about it.

I'd probably fumble a bit of caught off guard. Just say 'wow'...are you happy with it? Did it hurt?' I mean it's weird of her to ask you what you thought about her cosmetic procedure. Unless she was just fishing for compliments.