To think some people work hard at suppressing their emotions, almost like it’s a badge of honour?

[TheTaupeMoose]

It’s like there’s a whole group of people who pride themselves on not feeling anything. Or at least, not showing it. They downplay sadness, anger, even joy sometimes, as if being “unemotional” means they’re more stable or strong.

But AIBU to think that this kind of emotional suppression isn’t strength? It’s just bottling things up and eventually, it leaks out in other ways: passive aggression, burnout, coldness, detachment.

Not saying everyone has to cry at work or overshare in group chats. But isn’t never expressing anything just as unhealthy?

YABU for keep coming out with this claptrap!

I'd rather we went back to having a bit of 'stiff upper lip' than the current trend to over-share every little emotion 🤷‍♀️

You’re quite wrong. This country has been a maudlin mess since Diana died.

OP I’m guessing you are a high expressed emotion type of person. Nothing inherently wrong with that as long as it doesn’t impact too much on people around you, but equally many people do not need to be as expressive, and may prefer discussing feelings with only close family and friends. Its not a ‘badge of honor’ just natural variation.
the ability to self regulate and manage emotions is actually a highly useful and necessary skill in fact.

There are very few people who never express anything, but there are obviously people who cope better by being more reserved.

That doesn't mean they don't express to their nearest and dearest in private.

But not everyone wants or needs to express these things publicly.

It doesn't mean they think it's like a 'badge of honour' if that's the way they cope best.

It depends on the emotions you're suppressing. If it's a negative one like anger, jealousy, rage etc then to function in polite society a certain level of suppression is arguably fairly essential.

And also

"It’s just bottling things up and eventually, it leaks out in other ways: passive aggression, burnout, coldness, detachment."

Why are you talking about over 8 billion people in the world as though they're all the same?

LOL

Rest.

It’s a general observation, not a census.

OP, everyone is entitled to manage their emotions in whichever way they like.

I prefer to keep mine in check because I don't want to burden my child, my family or my colleagues and friends when they very probably have their own worries and problems. I regard that as a matter of consideration and good manners. I don't regard it as a badge of honour. How can it be when others don't see what I'm feeling?

If you want to share your emotions, that is your choice.

It was a statement.

I’m surrounded by people with competitive feelings, grief and drama vampires, everyone with anxiety because no one can just feel anxious anymore. Just lots of emotions everyone needs medication for. I find it baffling and very different to the op so can’t relate.

I actually agree that being considerate of others is a good thing. I don’t mean that everyone has to share or offload constantly, just that there’s a difference between managing emotions and never allowing yourself to feel or express them. The latter can really take a toll over time, even when the intention is good.

Why assume people are downplaying their emotions? Some of us genuinely aren't emotional as people.

For example, death doesn't bother me. My mum died this year, but life goes on. I've not found it distressing, I've not had to pour out my grief for weeks or months on end. I'm fine. That's not me downplaying or suppressing or hiding any emotions. It's weird to suggest that just because someone feels things different to you.

Some people are genuinely less emotional by nature and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. What I meant was more about people forcing themselves to suppress what they do feel, rather than those who simply experience emotions differently. There’s a real difference between being naturally steady and actively shutting down emotions out of habit or pride.

How do you know who's forcing it and who isn't?

I think i know what you mean OP..
I'm a sharer of emotions but only with people close to me.

Dh doesn't express emotions but has struggled i think to feedll joy and has had depression.

I'm conscious i probably burden him a bit to much

I don’t “know”, it’s an observation based on patterns of behaviour people describe or show. That’s kind of the point of the discussion

But how would you know which is which in my case?

Am I forcing myself to hide my grief

or

Do I genuinely not feel it

Maybe nobody really is forcing themselves.

It can also depend on age.

I was far more emotional before peri menopause hit, yet I've never felt the need for public outpouring or suppression.

It's just how I am.

I couldn’t possibly know in your case and you might be completely at peace with how you process things. I just meant more broadly - some people describe feeling pressure not to show emotion, even when they’d like to. That’s what I meant by “forcing.” It sounds like for you it’s just genuine steadiness, which is different.

Agree with this. I will never understand, for instance, crying about your issues on the Internet. Imagine setting up a camera and crying about your life to strangers. Genuinely cannot relate.

Jesus! I bloody wish more people would self-regulate…this current ‘trend’ of over sharing every bloody emotion is draining!

OP…regulating your emotions IS healthy!! It’s not ‘suppression’ ffs! 🤦‍♀️

I am so over the ridiculous ‘heart on sleeve’ drivel that the current gen-whatever are so obsessed with posting online. Get a grip of yourselves 🤦‍♀️

Reality tv is full of emotionally unstable people, this causes many people to conclude that constantly crying/shouting/swearing is normal behaviour and being stoic and calm is indicative of being repressed or uncaring.