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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's dying isn't she?

610 replies

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 07/11/2025 23:15

Mum discharged herself from hospital today.

Hiatus hernia. She can't eat or drink anything. Literally throws it straight back up.

Can't walk because her lower back is buggered.

UTI in blood. Been given antibiotics but nothing seems to be giving her a boost.

Sat in a sodding chair for 36 hours at A&E. Not slept for at least 48. Said she just wanted to go home.

I'm really scared 😭

MNHQ EDIT to gently suggest that MNers new to this thread take the time to read through all of the OP's posts before answering

OP posts:
TeamGeriatric · 18/11/2025 08:03

Sorry to read this, I've been lurking hoping for positive updates. Hugs.

Aluna · 18/11/2025 08:29

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 17/11/2025 18:53

Not good news today. Ultrasound shows shadow over the liver.

Further scans tomorrow but we've been told to prepare for the worst.

Heartbroken 💔

So sorry OP. 💐

And I’m so sorry for treatment your mother received.

WhiteJeans7 · 18/11/2025 08:52

I'm so sorry for you all OP. Thinking of you 💐

user90276865197 · 18/11/2025 09:09

I’m so sorry to read your update OP. Try not to get ahead of yourself with diagnoses and outcome. My mid 50’s friend was diagnosed with liver cancer during Covid when it was so hard to get an appointment anywhere. It was stage 4, and only palliative treatment available but they lived nearly 4 years mostly in pretty good health until the last few weeks. Cancer treatments (if thats what it is) have come a long way. And this is what the NHS does well even if getting an initial diagnoses is less than simple. Best wishes. X

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 18/11/2025 09:16

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 17/11/2025 18:53

Not good news today. Ultrasound shows shadow over the liver.

Further scans tomorrow but we've been told to prepare for the worst.

Heartbroken 💔

I’m so sorry. If it’s any meagre comfort, the pretty disgraceful performance by the medical people likely won’t have made any difference to where you are now.

SJone0101 · 18/11/2025 09:24

I am so sorry to read your latest update. Thinking of you.x

Spookyspaghetti · 18/11/2025 09:30

Sorry you are going through this op. Well done for advocating for your mum every step of the way. She is clearly very loved and I’m sure she is very proud of you.

housethatbuiltme · 18/11/2025 09:34

She sounds a lot like me, I have all those issues and have for years and I'm not dead.

The UTI overall is the first thing to fix. If A&E takes too long then go to your local walk in, they will triage you and might be able to bypass the wait by prescribing something more suitable or sending you to the correct department.

Biggest risk from what you describe would be sepsis, its something to keep you eye on for. Vomiting and loss of appetite are some symptom (a hiatus hernia on its own wouldn't necessarily cause that). Symptoms arent always the same I have had it many times and every time was different but can include extreme sleepiness, shivers, fevers and sudden bursts of energy out of nowhere (which makes you look better right before the worst of it).

What colour is the vomit? Watch out for brown grainy vomit as that means bleeding but even then unless uncontrollable its usually stems itself (but can hurt like hell). Biggest risk with hiatal hernias is ulcers and ruptures, as I said mine bleed sometimes and I cannot stand up when they do, its like a knife in the stomach. You can buy Omiprazole over the counter (or if you have a diagnosis a Dr can prescribe it) which is the treatment for hiatal ulcers. Check with a Dr before taking it long term as it can effect bones but as a short term treatment it should be fine on almost any adult.

The back issue could be anything without more info, I have a trapped nerve that causes occasional paralysis but as I said I can't stand due to intense stomach pain when my ulcer bleeds either. If she hasn't fallen then that will be deemed the lower risk medically over treating the infection and a possible bleed.

Aluna · 18/11/2025 09:35

housethatbuiltme · 18/11/2025 09:34

She sounds a lot like me, I have all those issues and have for years and I'm not dead.

The UTI overall is the first thing to fix. If A&E takes too long then go to your local walk in, they will triage you and might be able to bypass the wait by prescribing something more suitable or sending you to the correct department.

Biggest risk from what you describe would be sepsis, its something to keep you eye on for. Vomiting and loss of appetite are some symptom (a hiatus hernia on its own wouldn't necessarily cause that). Symptoms arent always the same I have had it many times and every time was different but can include extreme sleepiness, shivers, fevers and sudden bursts of energy out of nowhere (which makes you look better right before the worst of it).

What colour is the vomit? Watch out for brown grainy vomit as that means bleeding but even then unless uncontrollable its usually stems itself (but can hurt like hell). Biggest risk with hiatal hernias is ulcers and ruptures, as I said mine bleed sometimes and I cannot stand up when they do, its like a knife in the stomach. You can buy Omiprazole over the counter (or if you have a diagnosis a Dr can prescribe it) which is the treatment for hiatal ulcers. Check with a Dr before taking it long term as it can effect bones but as a short term treatment it should be fine on almost any adult.

The back issue could be anything without more info, I have a trapped nerve that causes occasional paralysis but as I said I can't stand due to intense stomach pain when my ulcer bleeds either. If she hasn't fallen then that will be deemed the lower risk medically over treating the infection and a possible bleed.

Why would you not read all OP’s posts before commenting?

housethatbuiltme · 18/11/2025 09:45

Aluna · 18/11/2025 09:35

Why would you not read all OP’s posts before commenting?

Show quote history

Not one bit of advice given in my post is wrong, nor is my personal experience so the post is entirely valid to anyone looking up these issue.

The later addition OP added has nothing to do with advice given on the first issues she posted, as it is different condition symptom which is still up in air as its under investigation. I wish OP the best but as I don't have Liver issues I can't comment on that and its no good to 'speculate' on what a shadow might be.

Treating a UTI is still the most important step regardless of anything else, septic shock is the biggest risk (and the reason she was rushed back to hospital).

Aluna · 18/11/2025 09:48

Most of your advice is wrong. Read the room.

cannynotsay · 18/11/2025 09:55

You know what surprises me on this thread is how quick everyone was to dismiss the OP and her mum’s symptoms. The mums knows something’s wrong and so does the daughter. No wonder women have to fight so hard to get health care

cannynotsay · 18/11/2025 09:55

You know what surprises me on this thread is how quick everyone was to dismiss the OP and her mum’s symptoms. The mums knows something’s wrong and so does the daughter. No wonder women have to fight so hard to get health care

cannynotsay · 18/11/2025 09:55

You know what surprises me on this thread is how quick everyone was to dismiss the OP and her mum’s symptoms. The mums knows something’s wrong and so does the daughter. No wonder women have to fight so hard to get health care

cannynotsay · 18/11/2025 09:55

You know what surprises me on this thread is how quick everyone was to dismiss the OP and her mum’s symptoms. The mums knows something’s wrong and so does the daughter. No wonder women have to fight so hard to get health care

cannynotsay · 18/11/2025 09:55

You know what surprises me on this thread is how quick everyone was to dismiss the OP and her mum’s symptoms. The mums knows something’s wrong and so does the daughter. No wonder women have to fight so hard to get health care

Iamacatslave · 18/11/2025 10:11

housethatbuiltme · 18/11/2025 09:45

Not one bit of advice given in my post is wrong, nor is my personal experience so the post is entirely valid to anyone looking up these issue.

The later addition OP added has nothing to do with advice given on the first issues she posted, as it is different condition symptom which is still up in air as its under investigation. I wish OP the best but as I don't have Liver issues I can't comment on that and its no good to 'speculate' on what a shadow might be.

Treating a UTI is still the most important step regardless of anything else, septic shock is the biggest risk (and the reason she was rushed back to hospital).

Show quote history

If you’re not medically trained, then please be quiet.

Purplebunnie · 18/11/2025 10:13

OP I am so so sorry to hear your news, hugs and love to all your family

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/11/2025 10:20

housethatbuiltme · 18/11/2025 09:34

She sounds a lot like me, I have all those issues and have for years and I'm not dead.

The UTI overall is the first thing to fix. If A&E takes too long then go to your local walk in, they will triage you and might be able to bypass the wait by prescribing something more suitable or sending you to the correct department.

Biggest risk from what you describe would be sepsis, its something to keep you eye on for. Vomiting and loss of appetite are some symptom (a hiatus hernia on its own wouldn't necessarily cause that). Symptoms arent always the same I have had it many times and every time was different but can include extreme sleepiness, shivers, fevers and sudden bursts of energy out of nowhere (which makes you look better right before the worst of it).

What colour is the vomit? Watch out for brown grainy vomit as that means bleeding but even then unless uncontrollable its usually stems itself (but can hurt like hell). Biggest risk with hiatal hernias is ulcers and ruptures, as I said mine bleed sometimes and I cannot stand up when they do, its like a knife in the stomach. You can buy Omiprazole over the counter (or if you have a diagnosis a Dr can prescribe it) which is the treatment for hiatal ulcers. Check with a Dr before taking it long term as it can effect bones but as a short term treatment it should be fine on almost any adult.

The back issue could be anything without more info, I have a trapped nerve that causes occasional paralysis but as I said I can't stand due to intense stomach pain when my ulcer bleeds either. If she hasn't fallen then that will be deemed the lower risk medically over treating the infection and a possible bleed.

Good grief, was it beyond you to read all the OP's posts before you wrote this screed?

Whatsthatsheila · 18/11/2025 10:23

Thoughts are with you. You did the best you could advocating for her when she couldn’t advocate for herself and you were dealing with some extremely shitty staff.

because yes they were shitty. Underpaid and overworked maybe but that doesn’t give them carte Blanche to behave like totally negligent arseholes and forget the basics of patient centred care

UTI - absolutely does need treating and as someone else pointed out an untreated UTI can lead kidney infection and urosepsis. Her delirium suggests advanced infection so yes - she could have died from that if untreated.

hiatus hernia — so intrigued to know when that was diagnosed. Pre existing condition?
they are usually nothing to be overly concerned about unless causing symptoms. Your mums symptoms came across quite atypical to me from your description.

it made me think some kind of blockage or obstruction- perhaps that is a mass either on or in the oesophageal or stomach area or pressing on it from elsewhere.

Or perhaps it’s lower down such as a secondary bowel obstruction again from a mass or perhaps other issues with the gall bladder /pancreas/liver perhaps?

if she’s being so sick I would have thought nbm and fluids or TPN support and an chest &!abdominal CT/MRI to see what is going on in the oesphagous, abdominal organs and cavity.

or it could be none of that but imaging is certainly the route I would think they would take instead of just second guessing everything

appreciate it’s been a couple of days since the last update and this may well of been done by now or there’s a definite diagnosis of something else but if things still unclear then that’s what i would be advocating for in your situation x

SaySomethingMan · 18/11/2025 10:25

Sorry to read this, OP. Keeping my fingers tightly crossed for you. 💐

MILLYmo0se · 18/11/2025 10:57

housethatbuiltme · 18/11/2025 09:45

Not one bit of advice given in my post is wrong, nor is my personal experience so the post is entirely valid to anyone looking up these issue.

The later addition OP added has nothing to do with advice given on the first issues she posted, as it is different condition symptom which is still up in air as its under investigation. I wish OP the best but as I don't have Liver issues I can't comment on that and its no good to 'speculate' on what a shadow might be.

Treating a UTI is still the most important step regardless of anything else, septic shock is the biggest risk (and the reason she was rushed back to hospital).

Show quote history

Except she wasn't rushed was she, the family had to fight to actually get her put in the ambulance

Lalgarh · 18/11/2025 12:20

Maybe the poll here, that resulted in YABU, needs to be taken down.

As she wasn't.

Nessiesfoodprovider · 18/11/2025 17:59

I'm so sorry to hear that, @McSteamyorMcdreamy thoughts with you.

MrsLizzieDarcy · 18/11/2025 18:51

I'm so sorry OP, and I hope your Mum has had the necessary tests today. My Dad had liver cancer, and getting that diagnosis was like pushing water uphill with a fork. My thoughts are with you Flowers

Edited to add: the cancer in his liver gave my Dad a condition called hepatic encephalopathy. I fought for months with his GP and they kept saying it was cognitive decline/confusion when it was anything but. Basically the brain floods with the chemicals that the liver can't flush out, and would be very similar to the effects of a bad UTI.