Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex DP sleeping with other women while I’m pregnant

71 replies

Sobersally · 07/11/2025 08:26

Hi all, not sure if I’m BU or not..

I’ve been with my exDP for 6 years, we are pregnant with DC2 who was planned and very wanted. exDP had a ‘one night stand’ early in my pregnancy and I ended the relationship. He wants to work things out but I just want to focus on my pregnancy (now 37 weeks). He is wanting to reconcile the relationship, I’ve been clear I am not in a place for that at the minute. ExDP has been meeting other women in hotels and weekends away. He said that he can do what he wants as I have ended the relationship. I know in theory this is true but it is still very painful especially while at my most vulnerable and very unconfident in myself during this pregnancy. I am really upset and feel sick at the thought of him with other women. AIBU to feel this way? Should he be able to do what he wants with other women and I keep my feelings to myself?

OP posts:
Candleabra · 07/11/2025 08:28

Is he your ex or your current partner? (Confused by your use of exDP)

Woahtherehoney · 07/11/2025 08:28

I mean whilst it isn’t great behaviour from him, YABU to not want him but also to think you can stop him from seeing other people. He’s obviously doing it for attention and is hitting out at you, but he is single and can do what he wants.

KaySam · 07/11/2025 08:29

He isn’t interested in being back together he is saying that to keep you hanging on,if he was then he’d not have cheated on you and still be sleeping with women.
You're both single now so he can do what he wants,and it seems like he is doing,

id totally end the relationship and concentrate on yourself and the baby,don’t let the stress of him being an arsehole upset you and ruin your pregnancy.

sammylady37 · 07/11/2025 08:29

You’ve ended the relationship and ‘been clear’ you’re not in a place to reconcile, so he is single and can see who he wants. You can’t control that.

Pleasegetmeacoffeesotired · 07/11/2025 08:30

"Should he be able to do what he wants with other women and I keep my feelings to myself?"

Yes. He's your ex. He's obviously not serious about wanting to get back together though so don't even go there. Just focus on yourself and your children.

Edinburghdaze · 07/11/2025 08:30

Well, I think he can’t really have both - shagging around while you are together, wanting to get back with you and sleeping with other woman. He can’t want it that much!

It sounds like you are well rid of him and should have as little to do with him as you need to and focus on you and your baby.

PollyBell · 07/11/2025 08:30

Wouldn't it be healthier to focus on your children and leave an ex as an excuse, you wanted a second you have this so focus on that

UninitendedShark · 07/11/2025 08:32

He’s single and can do as he pleases, but so can you by telling him to jog on. Don’t get back with him. He showed you who he was previously. Concentrate on yourself and your baby.

Snorlaxo · 07/11/2025 08:33

How are you finding out about the other women? If it’s something like social media then block so you don’t see it.

He’s right that he’s single so can do whatever with whoever and once baby is born, I’d be preparing myself for him being flaky and the type to introduce baby to gfs very quickly.

PinkyFlamingo · 07/11/2025 08:36

Is he your ex or are you together, it's not clear? If he's your ex then of course he can do what he like, he's clearly not interested in a relationship with you so you need to prioritise yourself and children. Awful behaviour of course.

millymollymoomoo · 07/11/2025 08:36

Well he’s a shit fir cheating on you
but as you ended it he can do what he wants
the fact he’s doing it would suggest he’s not fussed about getting back together - or that he’d simply continue to cheat on you

my advice would be keep him
as an ex, focus on your baby and then work on a co parenting relationship only

sallymonella · 07/11/2025 08:36

You are not unreasonable to feel the way you do, but you would be unreasonable to tell him that he can't sleep with other women when you have split up.

Have you definitely split up? Please say yes as this is not a man who cares for you as much as you deserve.

Danioyellow · 07/11/2025 08:39

How exactly are you finding out about all these women op? Is he telling you? Single or not I think he’s an absolute piece of shit, he seems to be actively trying to destroy your mental health at the most vulnerable time in your life. His priorities clearly aren’t trying to set a stable home and life for his new baby, more shagging everything that moves. I know it’s hard but I’d block him on every single thing he can contact you on. Stay off his social media. Ask your friends not to mention anything they hear about him. The more you hear, the more you’ll want to know about what he’s doing, it can turn into you obsessively checking up on him and getting upset

DontGoToThatPlace · 07/11/2025 08:41

How do you know about the women? Is he telling you? Are you still living together? Is that why hotels and weekends away?

You need to talk to him about how this is going to work going forwards with the baby. He is not in a relationship with you but does have commitments to his children.

sittingonabeach · 07/11/2025 08:42

How much parenting is he doing with DC1 whilst he is spending all this time with other women?

Upthenorth · 07/11/2025 08:46

I mean he can but it doesn’t scream of wanting to genuinely reconcile does it…

I completely understand the hurt though, you’re about to have his child and his focus is clearly on snagging about rather than supporting you or fixing the relationship.

I know it’s painful but I would consider the relationship completely over and focus on co parenting.

unsync · 07/11/2025 08:49

Presumably you have no intention of taking him back? He's showing you who he is. If it is his way of making you jealous and seeing what you are missing 🙄 it demonstrates a spectacular lack of emotional maturity. This is really not a man you want to be involved with. Tell him to crack on as there's now zero chance of reconciliation.

Is he supporting and providing for his child, and helping provide things for the new baby? If not, why not?

Original poster
Sobersally · 07/11/2025 08:50

Thanks everyone, I know I am mostly BU but planned a life with this man and he’s been a huge disappointment! I think you are all right that I’m well rid and need to keep my focus on my children. To answer some of your questions, he is ex partner (sorry for confusion), I ended the relationship due to him being unfaithful in this pregnancy. He wanted to work things out but it has been too upsetting for me and I just want to focus on my pregnancy so I did end it and he is entitled to do what he wants - I just didn’t think this is what he would be up to! I know a lot about it due to friends telling me things and also he has been very open about it. We have a shared mortgage but he works away and is back at weekends when not on his ‘dates’. I need to take your advice and really seperate myself and ask people not to tell me anything as it is just hurtful every time.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 07/11/2025 08:50

He's obviously not serious about trying to make a relationship work with you. He is putting his time and energy into chasing other women. There's your answer right there.

herewegoagainbabyno2 · 07/11/2025 08:53

Please please please tell me that “I’m not in a place to reconcile at the moment” is now a “There is no way I’m going back to that dirt bag.

You clearly deserve better and I’m so sorry you’re in this position but your post makes me feel like you’ve still got the door open for him once your baby is born.

sesquipedalian · 07/11/2025 09:02

OP, if you end a relationship, you are in effect saying to your partner that he is now free to do as he will. He’s already played away while with you - what on earth did you think he would do after you’d ended it? Join a monastery? You say, “We have a shared mortgage but he works away and is back at weekends” - this is a situation that needs to be resolved. If the relationship is over, time to move on and decide what you want for your forthcoming baby - and I’m telling you, OP, it’s not someone who plays at Disney Dad at the weekends and goes off to shag other women during the week. YABU to be upset that he is with other women because you have in effect given him permission to do so - you have to decide what it is that you want fir yourself and your baby, and I really don’t think it’s this chap who has already cheated on you.

waterrat · 07/11/2025 09:05

God of course you are not being unreasonable.

The standards people have for men on this site never cease to surprise me.

he 'claims' he wants to make it work with you - and at the slightest resistance from you to immediately taking him back with open arms he is off shagging multiple other women - WHILE YOU ARE CARRYING HIS BABY???

If he was serious about making it work with you - or indeed just being a supportive partner to you while you are in a vulnerable state WITH HIS BABY!

He could hold. off the random shagging.

He is showing you who he is OP - that is a man not seroiusly committed to getting back into a relationship with you.

how horrifically hurtful for you Im sorry - take care of yourself

agentlebreeze · 07/11/2025 09:07

He should be remorseful and grovelling not rubbing your nose in it because you established your boundary.
If this is his way of making you jealous and realising his “worth” he couldn’t be further from the mark.

Outside9 · 07/11/2025 09:07

YANBU.

If he was committed to making it work there would be no other women. At least, he'd make sure you didn't know of any other women.

JustMyView13 · 07/11/2025 09:08

Unfortunately, if he was genuinely sorry & wanted to get back with you, he’d not be out sleeping with other women.

It’s his right to, because you ended it (and rightly so). But actions speak louder than words. Saying you want to be with someone isn’t the same as showing them. And for that reason, I think you’re right to tap out of this permanently & focus on your children.