Ex DP sleeping with other women while I’m pregnant

[Sobersally]

Hi all, not sure if I’m BU or not..

I’ve been with my exDP for 6 years, we are pregnant with DC2 who was planned and very wanted. exDP had a ‘one night stand’ early in my pregnancy and I ended the relationship. He wants to work things out but I just want to focus on my pregnancy (now 37 weeks). He is wanting to reconcile the relationship, I’ve been clear I am not in a place for that at the minute. ExDP has been meeting other women in hotels and weekends away. He said that he can do what he wants as I have ended the relationship. I know in theory this is true but it is still very painful especially while at my most vulnerable and very unconfident in myself during this pregnancy. I am really upset and feel sick at the thought of him with other women. AIBU to feel this way? Should he be able to do what he wants with other women and I keep my feelings to myself?

WTF? He's done a number on your self worth hasn't he.

You won't be the best parent if you are in this emotional reck of a situation. I wasn't when I was trying to get approval from a cheating controlling horrorshow.

I was snappy and lacked control. He was going to beat me down into nothing if I stayed.

You are in no state to be in any kind of romantic relationship with self-esteem in the gutter. You need to focus on your own self-worth because questioning whether he should be allowed to do that is not normal.

You'd honestly be betraying your child if you didn't step away from dating until you've healed all this, and focused on the baby 100% for the next few years.

I'm not trying to judge you, because I did betray my child by focusing on romance. I robbed my child of their best parent for years.

So I'm not being nasty, I'm trying to warn you.

You need to be angry at him and then indifferent to him, not wanting him to love you.

Do you realise he put your baby at risk of death by sleeping around? An STI during pregnancy could have harmed that baby and rendered you infertile.

He could have stolen your entire life from you, and you are seeking his approval? You should be seeking his head on a stick. So something is really not right is it?

So first things first, there's no 'we' in pregnancy. You are pregnant, not him.

And yes, he is single, he is free to shag around if he feels like it. Yes, you are allowed to feel shit about it, but thats the way things go I'm afraid.

You are being massively unreasonable to even consider trying to repair a relationship with this arsehole. He’s making the argument that you having ended the relationship means he is a free agent to do as he wants. However, if he gave a shit about you and genuinely wanted to rebuild your trust he’d be remaining celibate while actively supporting you through the pregnancy. This man does not care about you.

Why do you even know about what he’s getting up to with other women? Frankly, even a lying cheating arsehole who genuinely wanted you back would be keeping quiet about it and pretending he was waiting for you to be ready. He’s deliberately taunting you with it. He’s a really really nasty piece of work. Please find your self respect and get rid of him for good.

He's either an ex or he's not. If he's an ex then he can do what he wants. If he's not an ex he soon would be!

He is horrible.
If he wanted to reconcile then why is he seeing other women in hotels. And how do you know about it, is he flaunting it to you, while you are pregnanct. He sounds pretty vile tbh.
Get rid of him.

He's cheated on you which was absolutely good enough grounds to end the relationship. I'm guessing what's additionally hurtful is the fact his words and actions don't match up. He is telling you he wants to reconcile while at the same time being clear that he's enjoying single man life.

I think ultimately op, he's showing you exactly who he is and that's not a good partner.

You need to get him out of your house entirely. What a horrible man.

He's doing you a favour - showing you exactly who he is and how little he cares for you and your family. A man who cares and wants to get back together doesn't do this.

Accept what he is showing you, move on and focus on your baby.

You ended it. Said didn’t want to be together

fair enough as he cheated

but if you don’t want him /forgive him then he is free to to and romance /date /shag anyone

yes it hurts as esp as heavily preg but tech he isn’t doing any
thing wrong

Can’t believe people think you’re unreasonable! He’s behaving appallingly even if you weren’t pregnant and we’re just splitting up. Decent men don’t cheat and keep new relationships very discreet (if at all) while still living together. He’s being utterly disrespectful.

He’s your ex. It’s none of your business who he sleeps with anymore.

Have you had STI checks since he first cheated?

You're split. That's the reality and your feelings need time to catch up. He can do as he pleases. Just don't have sex with him.

He's not very interested in reconciling if he is off boinking everything that moves! You did well to ditch this guy and you should not go back with him.

Behaviour is a language and your ex is telling you loudly and clearly that you matter less to him than his desire for sex. He sounds vile OP, you will be better off focusing on your DCs and building a life without this cheater in it.

I'm sorry but he doesn't want to work things out or reconcile with you if hes seeing someone else.
Concentrate on yourself and your baby.

Put him in a mental box marked 'Business'. Make all your interaction with him focused on your baby - he has financial duties; have you educated yourself on what they are and how yo ensure he meets them?

He may be dangling the mirage of a reconciliation to put you off pursuing this.

He also has parental rights same as you do - ensure you know what he intends to do.

Again, stop thinking of him as 'D' - he's Ex. He can do what he likes with other women, it's none of your business.

Can you separate financially, too? Because half living together is going to get weird soon and confusing for your two DC.

Any chance he will start bringing dates or new GFs back to shared home?

And please don’t be tempted to jump back into bed with him unless he has a clear STI test.

How do you know he is doing this? I presume he is telling you to cause hurt while you are just about to give birth.

@Sobersally actions speak louder than words.

You've told him the relationship is over. He said he wants to work on things but his action is to sleep with other women. What does that tell you?

It tells you that you're having a baby with someone who is far more interested in a quick shag that a relationship.

Oh god lovey this is awful for you. Whilst he is single, technically he can do what he wants. But if he was seriously wanting to get back with you he'd just be working on that and your child. I would not take him back ever. Sounds like a total arse whole, who would do this even if you were together ❤️. Difficult as it is, concentrate on your 2 little ones and a future without him!