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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex DP sleeping with other women while I’m pregnant

71 replies

Sobersally · 07/11/2025 08:26

Hi all, not sure if I’m BU or not..

I’ve been with my exDP for 6 years, we are pregnant with DC2 who was planned and very wanted. exDP had a ‘one night stand’ early in my pregnancy and I ended the relationship. He wants to work things out but I just want to focus on my pregnancy (now 37 weeks). He is wanting to reconcile the relationship, I’ve been clear I am not in a place for that at the minute. ExDP has been meeting other women in hotels and weekends away. He said that he can do what he wants as I have ended the relationship. I know in theory this is true but it is still very painful especially while at my most vulnerable and very unconfident in myself during this pregnancy. I am really upset and feel sick at the thought of him with other women. AIBU to feel this way? Should he be able to do what he wants with other women and I keep my feelings to myself?

OP posts:
Abracadabrador · 07/11/2025 09:13

The house will have to be sorted, can one of you buy the other out?

Tell your friends (who are not behaving like friends) that there's no reason at all for them to update you on your ex's sex life, thanks. Same to the ex.

UsernameMcUsername · 07/11/2025 09:14

He's making it clear where his priorities lie (not with you or your baby). Time to move on.

As an aside, I now know my exH started cheating when I was pregnant with my first. And then kept cheating, managing to hide it for years. It takes a special kind of trashbag to cheat on his pregnant partner. You really deserve better. I'm guessing you only have his word for it that this was an isolated incident?

Upthenorth · 07/11/2025 09:16

I think it’s disgusting he is living in the family home at weekends and going on these dates. What an unbelievable scumbag.

dijonketchup · 07/11/2025 09:17

How horrible for you OP, I’m so sorry.

In a way it’s better to know for sure that he is a wrong un, if he had begged and pleaded after the ONS and was on his best behaviour you might have felt obliged to take him back for the sake of the children.

At least now you can’t doubt yourself, you can’t raise your kids with a man who shagged around on you while you were pregnant and kept doing it openly even after he got caught.

Onwards and upwards OP, good luck x

Sartre · 07/11/2025 09:19

If he was genuinely interested in reconciling with you he wouldn’t be sleeping around. He definitely wouldn’t be telling you, which I’m assuming he must be else how do you know? You did the right thing leaving, as painful as it must be. Stick to your guns.

Blushingm · 07/11/2025 09:22

So you’ve told him you don’t want him back? But you’re upset because he’s seeing other women? If you don’t want him then you can’t expect him to put his life on hold in case you change your mind

mindutopia · 07/11/2025 09:23

He can do what he wants, but it’s pretty grim.

What he’s saying is I want to be out shagging randoms in hotels and the only reason I (mostly…except for that time you caught me) didn’t is because I was chained to you.

If I had screwed up my relationship and I wanted to fix it, I wouldn’t still be out doing the stuff that messed it up. Doesn’t sound very sincere, does it? Let him carry on being gross and you focus on you and on your baby.

Mothership4two · 07/11/2025 09:24

Actually don't think you are that BU as you probably feel vulnerable and emotional as pregnant - and he deceived you. You absolutely did the right thing and he doesn't seem to have been that serious about reconciling or he would have carried on trying. Wouldn't be surprised if he had intended getting back together but to carry on cheating. Personally I would be telling friends (and him) not to go on about his behaviour at the moment. He sounds like a knob.

Tealtoffee21 · 07/11/2025 09:25

If he really wanted to get back together, and was actually sorry for cheating on you, he would not be sleeping around.

He's a total shit, and try to guilt you by being legalistic and saying you're 'on a break' so he can do what he likes. He's showing no empathy for what he's put you through, never mind love.

But he is, thankfully, showing you exactly who he is - a repeat cheater, who doesn't want to support you.

You are so much better off without him, if you were back in a relationship with him he would be sleeping around, just less blatantly.

My relationship ended while I was pregnant, and it was very scary going it alone, but once my DS arrived I realised it was all so doable alone, and the reduction in stress by not having to manage a relationship with his father was enormous.

So sorry that he's so awful, so sorry that so many PPs are saying you're unreasonable to feel hurt/betrayed by his behaviour, but you know who he is now.

And congrats on your soon to be new arrival! I hope you have a friend or family member to be your birth partner - do not let this odious creep near you when you're vulnerable!

Fiftyandme · 07/11/2025 09:27

He can do what he wants, but clearly he’s not committed to change and moving forward after cheating on you, and now demanding you take him back and he’ll sleep around whilst you think about it

vellichoria · 07/11/2025 09:28

I guess there is a reason why he is now ex. No point in going back there as he is obviously not genuinely interested in any restoration of your relationship. Having said that, you also need to make up your mind about what you really want as you can't say you don't want him and at the same time stop him from seeing others because you find it hurtful.

TheScreamQueen · 07/11/2025 09:28

Is he still living with you

Abracadabrador · 07/11/2025 09:30

TheScreamQueen · 07/11/2025 09:28

Is he still living with you

OP wrote they share a mortgage, and the man goes to the property on weekends, in-between porking random women.
Doesn't seem like he does much parenting of his current child, does he OP? He sounds like a complete failure.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 07/11/2025 09:31

You're not unreasonable to be very hurt by the whole thing and to have split up with him.

As a single man he's not unreasonable to be having dates.

He is spectacularly unreasonable to be a) shagging around while with you, and b) telling you he wants to reconcile while continuing to put it about like a mangy tom cat.

Your friends are unreasonable to be telling you the gory details - tell them really firmly you're not interested and don't want to hear it.

Living with him at the weekends is a recipe for disaster, it's just constantly rubbing your nose in his twattery. What is the housing situation. You need space from him while he's behaving like an utter douche. Is the house rented or own? One or both of you on the paperwork etc?

Eta sorry, missed the bit about a mortgage. Is there any scope for him renting somewhere or staying with family in the mean time while you mutually work out what to do about the house - one buying the other out / selling altogether / some other solution?

SergeantWrinkles · 07/11/2025 09:31

You did the right thing ending the relationship. If he loved you, he wouldn’t have cheated on you in the first place, and if he was truly committed to reviving the relationship, he wouldn’t be dipping his wick and taunting you with it. He sounds like a manipulative prick. Personally I’d give him a wide berth. He’s shown you who he is.

Grilledxribs · 07/11/2025 09:32

sammylady37 · 07/11/2025 08:29

You’ve ended the relationship and ‘been clear’ you’re not in a place to reconcile, so he is single and can see who he wants. You can’t control that.

I Agree with this.
It's over op he's single and can do what he wants.
You made it clear you are not getting back together so he's moved on.
Nothing you can do about it.

StrongLikeMamma · 07/11/2025 09:33

He’s showing you who he is OP.
You did the right thing ending it.
Move on. Focus on you and your child.

Disturbia81 · 07/11/2025 09:37

Technically he is single so can see who he wants.
However it does make him look bad in terms of the fact he wants to reconcile. If he truly did then he wouldn’t be putting his energy into other women. He’d be concentrating on taking some time out and improving himself so he can be the best partner going forwards.
At least it has made the decision clearer for you!

CitizenofMoronia · 07/11/2025 09:48

He told you who he was at the start of the "relationship" by sleeping with another woman, thats why you ended it remember... why do you think he will be any different now. he cheats, he is a cheater or he doesnt think enough of you to keep it in his pants.. cut him lose and concentrate on you and the baby. you dont need the additional stress.

Digdongdoo · 07/11/2025 09:55

He's obviously completely awful, but you ended the relationship so he can sleep with who he likes. He's shown you who he is, so don't give him the opportunity to come crawling back!

333FionaG · 07/11/2025 09:56

I wonder if this repulsive man tells the women he woos that his ex is 37 weeks pregnant?

VrrmVrrmCara · 07/11/2025 10:00

Why didn't you get married before having kids (who were planned)?

Swiftie1878 · 07/11/2025 10:02

He cheated. You ended it.
He said he wants you back. You said no (or, at least, not now).
He is now seeing other people.

He doesn’t really want you back.
Look after yourself and your DC, and move on. He’s shown you who he is, and he’s not for you.

Dacatspjs · 07/11/2025 10:29

I think you're right OP. Yes you ended the relationship, but he is saying he wants you back- so he needs to prove that and show you that he has changed, and is no longer the type of man who cheats on his pregnant partner.

If he wasn't saying he wanted you back then I would say he can crack on and do what he likes, but he can't say he wants you to reconsider the break up and sleep around at the same time.

JFDIYOLO · 07/11/2025 10:36

You're being unreasonable.

He isn't 'sleeping with other women' - he's getting on with his life as a single man.

It's none of your business what he does there.

Start changing how you think and talk about him as the first step in changing how you feel.

Put him in a separate box in your mind.

Remove the D from ExDP. It expresses a confusion in how you're thinking. He is your exP.

Pregnancy can mess with your mind, and be very lonely going it alone. Focus on gathering family, friends, medical professionals' support.

Find out your and the baby's rights -
he will have child maintenance responsibilities - and accept he may also want to use his own father's rights to know and be with his child.

(I think getting back together with him would be a disaster, from what you've said.)