To have asked for cash for Christmas?

[XmasWoes77]

I’m in my mid 20’s and don’t expect anything for Christmas, but my brother texted me last night to ask what I’d like as I do a lot of babysitting for them and they’d like to get me something. I was quite honest and said I was really grateful, but I’d rather cash this year as I’m going on a couple of trips next year and every little helps (for example, even if he gave me £10, that would be a day’s travel around the area I’m visiting sorted). I didn’t mention amounts but just said I’d really appreciate money as opposed to physical things.

he read the text last night and didn’t respond, then this morning he came back and said that he thinks it’s really tacky of me to have asked for cash and that I sound like I’m begging.

was I being unreasonable to have said this?

YANBU.

If people want to give gifts, they should put the effort in to think of a gift to get you, then get it.

Asking what people want is a total cop out, lacking in thought and effort - which is the whole point of gifts - and at that point may as well be cash so the recipient can get exactly what they want anyway.

I think this year my mindset has just really shifted. I’ve gone from wanting material things (for example they’ve asked in the past if I’d like a gift voucher and then typically gone for a makeup related voucher etc), to just really valuing the experiences I have and how I can have more of them. So I don’t know if It’s a shock for him for me to have said that

Dear Bro, yes it might seem tacky, but as you know I’m taking 2 trips next year so any money I can get will go towards this, I can have a meal or visit somewhere and think this was my Christmas present from you.

Personally I would rather give money to go towards something that’s needed.

Only a sibling would say this, but I suspect it’s what a lot of people think. Obviously he could give you cash or vouchers, that’s the easy option for him, but he wanted to actually get you something tangible. Think of something you do want, and tell him. New suitcase maybe? Decent sunglasses?

He asked and you gave him a suggestion, if he doesn’t like that suggestion then he needs to think of something himself.

I’ve asked for Euros before for a trip. No point giving a gift just for the sake of it when money can go towards an experience, a meal out or something else when you are on holiday.

Does he pay you for the babysitting?

If you’re going overseas maybe ask for cash in that currency. Weirdly some people see that as more of a gift. But no you’re not being unreasonable. I don’t understand people who ask someone what they want then get all pissy when they tell them.

I genuinely don’t need anything, at least not until about August of next year. I don’t want unnecessary clutter, and I’m trying to explain to him that the way I’m seeing it is that even a small amount of cash would be my travel for a day of my holiday sorted, or one of my longer journeys paid for. He doesn’t really seem to understand that though and thinks I’m asking for people to pay for the trip for me

Through the gift at Christmas

Did you actually say "cash" or "money towards my trip next year would be brilliant thanks" ?

Ask for a prepaid travel card if cash is tacky, or get him to book an excursion for you.

I said (copied from the text)

thank you for the offer, I really appreciate it, but this year I don’t want much in terms of gifts and would appreciate it if you gave me some money towards my trip next year. even a little bit would go a long way towards travel etc while I’m there! 🥰

The thing is, the value of the gifts he usually gets me are about £25-£30. Obviously that’s really appreciated but when it comes to a cash card etc it’s more hassle than it’s worth. I’m planning to just use my Monzo card while I’m abroad. I could ask for some actual currency I suppose

Perhaps you should start charging him.

I have a friend who won't give cash as she likes to buy something that looks more/costs less than what it should be e.g if most people give a tenner, she will give a gift that she thinks appears to cost that much, however it is often very obvious it isnt. It comes across as tight though (and they aren't short of money either).
Is this similar to your brother in that he wants to give something that looks impressive? Or to have the status of saying he got you that?

Sorry..... I read to quickly 🙂
If he is insisting on an physical gift then say "ok fine I would like a paperback novel to read on the plane".
Then next year insist on being paid properly for any babysitting.

Absolutely nothing wrong with the message you sent imo, especially when sent to a sibling you're close to.

Could you ask for some foreign currency or maybe a voucher for a specific restaurant or experience while you're away? That would save spending while you're there and be a specific present.
But yes, he's being a twat. Cold hard cash is the best!

Hang on, you babysit for free so he wants to get you a gift then gets affronted when you ask for cash. I would message and say no gift necessary but my baby sitting fees are now £15 per hour. Cheeky sod!

My dd has asked for cash and that’s completely fine with me. Not unreasonable at all.

Nothing wrong with what you’ve written. I’d actually be quite hurt about what he’s said and I’d be telling him that!

Then he’s being tight.

Say he gave you, say, a set of smellies that cost £30. It would be sort of ambiguous, obviously, how much it was.

But giving you £30 in cash makes much clearer ‘this is how much we’re giving you for all the free babysitting’. That’s why he doesn’t want to do it.

I’m assuming he’s older than you?

I don’t mind babysitting for “free”, to me it’s not a chore. I love their children and I’d not be doing much at home so I love going over. I don’t know why he’s taken so much offence to it because I’d be happy with even a tenner.

he asked you want you’d like and you told him. It’s not for him to judge if it’s a suitable gift. He needs to get off his high horse.

Alternatively ask for a gift voucher from a particular shop that will be useful for buying bits for your trip. Be interesting to see what amount he thinks your free babysitting is worth.

Don’t baby sit again without payment. Tell him you’re not available as you’re doing paid work to save for your holiday - he’ll get the message.
Tell him he did ask and you gave him your answer. Don’t give any alternatives. He’s being rude and lording it over his (likely) younger sister. No one else would get away with this.