To have asked for cash for Christmas?

[XmasWoes77]

I’m in my mid 20’s and don’t expect anything for Christmas, but my brother texted me last night to ask what I’d like as I do a lot of babysitting for them and they’d like to get me something. I was quite honest and said I was really grateful, but I’d rather cash this year as I’m going on a couple of trips next year and every little helps (for example, even if he gave me £10, that would be a day’s travel around the area I’m visiting sorted). I didn’t mention amounts but just said I’d really appreciate money as opposed to physical things.

he read the text last night and didn’t respond, then this morning he came back and said that he thinks it’s really tacky of me to have asked for cash and that I sound like I’m begging.

was I being unreasonable to have said this?

Quite reasonable of you especially as you babysit for them. Perhaps you should have asked for vouchers instead though.

Reply and tell him that it's really lazy to not even bother to think of a gift to get you. I know people want to get someone something that they actually want, but it really takes the joy out of receiving a gift when it's turned into another thing on your to do list.

And then when they do ask what you want, like the OP asked for money towards her trips, it's rejected as unsuitable. It's like people want to feel the joy of giving a 'generous' gift but they don't care about the recipient's feelings at all.

OP I’d missed your update at 7:36. That’s exactly what’s going on then. It’s as @Whoevenarethey put it (better than I did!) - a cheap gift looks more impressive than the same amount of money.

Yes i am younger.

it sounds silly but id never ask for payment to babysit them. I had a few family members who babysat for money, and then as soon as i got old enough to stay home alone without a babysitter, they stopped engaging with us at all. I don’t see them at all now and in my mind it’s clear they only did it for the money. I love the kids and I don’t want them to ever think I babysat them out of anything but that love for them - I think their parents deserve a break so they can be the best parents to them!

It’s tacky that he expects you to babysit for free and then tries to combine a ‘thank you for babysitting’ with a Xmas gift! I guarantee you the going rate for a night of babysitting far exceeds the amount he was going to spend on you for Xmas!

Ask for an expensive jumper (with the receipt of course, just in case it doesn’t fit…).

Honestly, what difference does it make to him? You were no more begging for money than you’d have been begging for a pair of slippers if you’d asked for those.

I absolutely hate when people ask for cash. To me it sends unconscious messages:

• you can't afford to buy anything I'd appreciate
• i don't appreciate anything if i can't choose & buy it myself
• i don't appreciate your thought or effort i just want your money

Its mercenary, selfish and entitled

I had a colleague at work who had wedding guests contribute to a "honeymoon fund" and then never went! It basically paid for the wedding.

He asked and you told him. Personally I would have no problem gifting cash and would much prefer to give somebody something they asked for and genuinely wanted or needed.

Well that’s a whole lot of stuff to unpack.

I want cash because right now I don’t want anything material (unless he’s going to spring £££ on a le crusuet Dutch oven which I doubt!), so if I were to ask for anything it would be a waste of his money, which I’d hate to do. Re honeymoon funds I again think that’s totally understandable. This brother asked for money at his wedding as they had everything for the house!

I also think it’s selfish to expect people to ask for actual gifts because you want to look good by buying them!

when I read the thread title I did think “it’s a bit depressing to ask for cash for christmas” but for my young niece in her 20s, I’d absolutely want to give her cash if she asked for it knowing what a cash poor (but full of opportunity) decade that can be! The whole context of your asking is completely appropriate and not depressing at all (the babysitting, this being a financial reimbursement of a kind). money towards a trip isn’t just asking for cash anyway, it’s asking for a contribution to something way more valuable than a material thing.

I have absolutely no problem with people asking me what me or DH would like and vice versa. I usually frame my question by asking if there is anything specific related to a hobby or a particular book etc that the recipient would like. My grown up nephews like to have the money now - we’ve contributed to driving lessons for both of them via Xmas gifts but I usually get them something small to go with it (toiletries or the like).

I’m thinking if he’s so put off by it I might just ask him to buy my ferry ticket

I think he has a bloody nerve considering how much free babysitting he gets from you.
However he is your DB and not worth causing WW3 . I would answer something like “Gosh DB that’s quite a strong response. Genuinely I don’t want or need anything at the moment as my focus is on this trip. We could just not do adult presents and I will get for the DCs if that’s easier.”
At least that way you will not need to buy DB and SIL
presents which will save money.

Id tell him how tacky he was to ask for money at his wedding in that case.

He woukd also lose his free babysitting.

You sound lovely but he is being nasty to you. Dont allow it.

@XmasWoes77 I think that’s a really good idea!

I sent him the link to the ferry (about £75) and he’s said he’ll give me cash instead 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

🤣🤣🤣
(And problem sorted).

Well played OP!

Shall we take a small wager that cash gift will be less than £75 ?
I would be so tempted to give them a babysitting credit book for their present - cheeky sod !
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=babysitting+voucher+book&adgrpid=191565639732&gad_source=1&hvadid=779364072434&hvdev=m&hvexpln=0&hvlocphy=9045872&hvnetw=g&hvocijid=4380893902807871319--&hvqmt=b&hvrand=4380893902807871319&hvtargid=kwd-396228300364&hydadcr=21612_2291903_375581&mcid=fe6af21cdce0317383886072ba8d5436&tag=hydrukspg-21&ref=pd_sl_6rh0tsq3qw_b

I was going to suggest a supermarket voucher so you could use it for your normal shopping and put the equivalent money into your holiday fund… but just saw your comment re the ferry 😂 How much babysitting do you do? If we pay a local teenager, it’s at least £30 for a short evening… Your £75 ferry would be 2-3 nights of babysitting a year, and I’ve got a feeling you do a bit more than that… not saying it should be exactly accounted for, for the reasons you’ve given, but still!

He’s being weird. Maybe he wanted to buy you a cheap gift and he’s worried he’ll now look tight if he gives you the equivalent in cash.

Still you ve saved him hundreds if not thousands of pounds over the course of a year, and all you re getting is a ferry ticket for christmas.

Do you have any idea how much money he'd be spending on an actual babysitter?He'd be spending about forty to fifty pounds a night

In my book asking for cash is rude/cheeky/trashy/disgusting/common/chavy/presumptious/just horrible.
If you can’t afford your wedding/birthday/holiday yourself just don’t ask others to pay for you.
If someone wants to give you a gift just accept it graciously & if it’s naff then regift it or give it to someone who appreciates it.

Well I don’t think I’m any of those things.

Last year he gave me a gift card for a makeup shop. Lovely, but I don’t need makeup this year so he’s just wasting his money.