Partner called me his ex’s name during sex

[Taratalk]

We’ve been together over a year now. Am I right in thinking that’s a major red flag? He said he didn’t mean anything by it and it was an accident.

My dh did this once. When I reacted he got flustered and said he was thinking of his Mum (same name as his ex). I told him that was so, so much worse. tbf our names are not entirely dissimilar, think Jean and Joan or Gemma and Emma.

However I have more than once called him 'Dave'. I don't know a Dave, we have no friends with that name, I don't have colleagues called that, I've never been out with a Dave. I cannot imagine what brain trick was going on.

dh and I laugh about both examples. I think him calling me by his Mum's name will always give me the upper hand!

Meh. I did it a good few years ago to two consecutive fellas. I'm with the second still now after 15 years. Was just a moment of mindlessness.

That said, he called me his ex's nickname in bed once and that stung.

So, no, I don't think it's a red flag (unless there's other stuff going on) but it does hurt like fuck.

DH and I have been happily married for 23 years, after being with our ex 20yrs and 14 yrs. During arguments and sex we somehow manage to utter amalgamations of ex and current spouses names! I can assure you my ex is the last thing on my mind at any time, let alone during sex!!!

Guys often do that to stop from ... too soon.

That's why the word "darling" was invented

I'm always doing it. During sex, at the dinner table, saying goodbye...
I'm not thinking about them, it's just his name comes out.

Mortifying! But, if a one off and the rest of your time together good.. then well, up to you but I'd let it go. Once! Massive passion killer I should expect.

Was this a one off OP?
If it was, let it go.
Human error and instinct

You need to do better. The fact that you’re on MN still referring to him as your “partner” and not seeing this for what it is, says a lot about you.

Love that so many of you have done this or wouldn't be bothered by it.
For me it's when he said her name that's the problem. During an argument would piss me off, just accidentally in conversation would again piss me off, during sex would be an immediate turn off and there is no way I'd ever want to have sex with him again tbh.
He'd be in the bin.

I would assume that he was thinking of her whilst shagging you. I’m so sorry.

The human mind is a bizarre thing. I once had a sex dream about Boris Johnson.

For the record, when awake, I find him utterly repulsive.

As if all these people are accidentally doing this or have had it happen to them and wouldn’t be bothered. Mumsnet is the absolute peak of bullshittery.

If this actually happened to any of you, you’d be heartbroken.

Absolute bollocks the lot of ye.

😂😂😂😂

Jesus wept

I find using names at all during sex to be off-putting, frankly. It seems unnecessary to clarify who you're talking to when there's only the two of you present. You can just say, 'oh, that's so good', without having to say, 'Oh Bill, that's so good'. I mean, who else would you be talking to??
It has the added bonus of never needing to worry about name mix-ups.

As for your boyfriend's slip-up... If he's otherwise a wonderful guy and you still want to be with him, then there's no harm in giving him a chance in case it really was just a weird one-off brain glitch, but if I were you, I'd be alert for any other red flags over the next few months.

This would be setting off major alarm bells for me, to be honest. The on and off things just shows it’s perpetually unresolved and they enjoy the drama.

You mean ex-partner right?

I've done it, so has my DH and past BF. And I know I wasn't thinking of ex, but the name associated w/ sex came out...and I've done it few times in other situations...not anymore, but early on in the relationships it happens. You brain associates romantic partner w/ a name...it's like when you call your kid the other kid's name.

i don’t think it means he was thinking about her at all. I wrong name people all the time - even my own dc. The name comes out as habit. A bit like when you called your teacher mum as a kid. You weren’t thinking of her in the moment and didn’t think it was your mum. It just comes out

Feel like i've entered the twilight zone on this thread.

Is it only on this site that women are ok with this.

It isn't a case of calling your teacher.Mum or your children by the wrong name. Your children are still very much a part of your daily life.And so as your mother, so they re on your mind a lot

Calling her by his ex name means his ax is still very much on his mind.And she's on his mind during sex.

Why on earth are so many people saying this is innocent. Their relationship was on and off for a very long time.So maybe he's still in touch with her.

A man using my name & being vocal during sex would make me a bit 🤢 but I realise that's not the issue at hand.

To play devil's advocate, I've called my current partner of 10 YEARS my ex husband's name on multiple occasions during day-to-day life. I have absolutely no feelings towards my ex in that way, but do see him regularly as we co-parent a child. I'm just terrible when it comes to muddling up names.

I don't use names during sex (see above) but if I did it would be a risky endeavour!!

If my DP did this I’d be so so upset. However I have actually done this before myself, it had absolutely no bearing on what I was thinking about, it was just automatic! So I can see both sides.
how is your relationship generally?

😂

No, I personally couldn’t get past this. Every time we had sex I would be wondering if he was thinking about her.

This happened to me . My partner had been married for nearly 30 years. He said his ex wife's name. He was horrified and immediately apologised. As far as I was concerned it was an easy thing to do if you had been with someone for 30 years and then was with someone new.