To wonder why people are so scared

[MattCauthon]

I've noticed recently, in RL and on here and in other SM, that there are a lot of people who get very upset/scared about things that I think are just not rational. I'm not talking about people who have anxiety issues or even who have been endlessly abused/controlled by a partner/parent etc which has led to them being unable to see the wood for the trees.

But a few examples:

complicated boring backstory but woman was being harassed and threatened by the father of a child in her kid's class, and she works at the school. She is now terrified that she will be fired becaus of this other dad (very very clear that she has done nothing wrong, and this other dad has been in public arguments with other people in the past so has a long history at the school of poor behaviour).

The endless hysteria about children being kidnapped when it's actually extraordinarily rare.

Passport photo signing or witnessing legal documents - I've lost count of the people who can't seem to find anyone to do this because people are scard to put their name to these sorts of things. I've done about 20 passport photos for various friends/school parent families because I am fully aware that there's no personal risk to me when I say, "yes, that's the child I've known for five years as John Smith who has been in the same class as my child since reception" or "yes, I have witnessed these two people signing this document."

A friend who is too scared to tell the school about her DH's anxiety issues, even though it directly impacts their child and he's been playing up a little in class and frankly, needs a bit more support. She is scared the school will "do something". But I can't work out what? She's a great parent who is doing her best to support her DC and her DH, her DH is seeking appropriate medical treatment etc.

When did we lose so much trust in each other and every organisation in the world?

One for sweeping statements and generalisations aren’t you Op? 😆

That’s very different to what I see, but we’re all different. What I’ve seen is a lack of acceptance that another opinion to yours isn’t necessarily “wrong” just because you don’t agree. 2 opposing views can exist with neither being “wrong” but the level of anger at those who are deemed “wrong” is disproportionate to the issue. Eg. Fireworks - some like them others hate them/ anything trans related. We can’t have discussions anymore agreeing to respectfully disagree.

Probably people got worried around the same time SS got carte blanche to interfere in anyone’s private lives for any spurrious reason they can think of (caring duties, parental chronic illnesses etc being the latest one), to keep the supply of straightforward cases for NQSWs to get them trained up enough to handle the complex stuff. Sorry did I say that out loud? I meant “child protection”. It’s all to protect children. And the children must be protected at all costs. And it sounds like you’ve swallowed it. Along with the lie that people have nothing to fear from batshit unhinged stalkers because that sort of thing is illegal. If you’re not concerned you’re not paying attention.

When did we lose so much trust in each other and every organisation in the world?

I never lost the trust, as I never have a never will trust people.

I think the woman at the school has every right to be scared of the batshit man who has form for getting into arguments with other parents at the school.... I don't think she has any reason to be scared the SCHOOL is going to fire her because of it.

SS do NOT take children away willy nilly. Hell, they don't take children away when there's a genuine reason to take them away. So no, my friend does not need to worry that the school is going to contact SS who is going to take her children away from her because her husband is seeking medical treatment for anxiety.

What…. Anyone?

I trust so many people close to me in my life!

This isn’t something that I recognise in my area or in my day to day life at all.

Me neither
I don’t suppose even the op actually does
she just fancied starting a thread 🤷‍♀️

Look at the hysteria about leaving children home ALONE (when said children are 17 years old...) or worst, going to LONDON.

Some people must be bored and make their lives more interesting by finding things to be scared of, I don't know.

she just read threads on MN, maybe they're all made up, who knows.

Well I lost trust in the police due to misogynistic behaviour when I was around 16. What surprises me is that it's taken so long for everyone else to realise and act on the toxic culture - it's over 40 years since I was 16!
The media have helped fuel the fear and mistrust of just about everyone and everything. It's in your face every time you pick up your phone. It's not surprising that people don't trust anyone when they think something might affect them.

Nope, my examples are partly real life, partly from MN. The woman scared of being fired is a sitaution I'm 100% in the loop on. I have told her she needs to prioritise worrying about the crazy man threatening her and NOT whether she'll get fired. What actually made me think of it and start this thread was a thread from a woman resigning who was terrified they'd fire her when she resigned. Weird.

Ditto the passport thing. I've seen people saying it on here, and I've had it in real life.

My NDN refused to witness a document for me because they were uncomfortable with putting their name on a legal document without reading every word (it was a medical insurance report) and again, I saw someone saying this on a thread the other day, "if you put yourself as a wintess you have to put your address and that's just too much info about me...." although I guess, to be fair, that could just be the legal MN equivalent of the endless Mumsnetters who apparently never open the front door!

The hysteria over being kidnapped - come on. Yes, on MN, but surely you've met those parents in real life too!? And yes, @ThatKeenShaker is right - the home alone/going to london/pop to the shop threads are always mindblowing. Although in real life, I've met a few people who are a more nervous but not as bad as what I read on MN.

@ohtowinthelottery Sadly, while I broadly still trust the police I think there's been more than enough in the news and in lots of neighbourhoods to make the distrust of them easy to understand, even if I don't personally feel it quite so strongly.

My NDN refused to witness a document for me because they were uncomfortable with putting their name on a legal document without reading every word (it was a medical insurance report) and again, I saw someone saying this on a thread the other day, "if you put yourself as a wintess you have to put your address and that's just too much info about me...." although I guess, to be fair, that could just be the legal MN equivalent of the endless Mumsnetters who apparently never open the front door!

I wouldn't sign a legal document without knowing what was in it either.
Sounds very sensible to me, not 'fearful' at all.

Re putting your address on a document - I wouldn't do that if I were asked to witness something in a professional capacity. Of course I would for a friend, but I'm not giving my address to a pupil at a school I teach at or a client at a medical centre I work at, etc etc. No-one with any sense would.

What a drama llama you are OP

No, I don’t draw parallels with your op and my life. Thank goodness!

Well, I'd argue i am the one who is not the drama llama personally! I'm glad you dont see this level of paranoia around you! I find it baffling. On SM and in real life.

Heavens, what a crappy way to live 💐

do you have children?

I've noticed a lot of people's anxiety is through the roof. People are generally socially awkward these days and stress about stuff unnecessarily, but I think thats to do with people being so reliant on SM and virtual contact rather than face to face. I work in a customer facing role and see an increasing amount of people stating social anxiety and increasingly dont want to speak on the phone. And with AI coming into play I can only see that getting worse.

My NDN refused to witness a document for me because they were uncomfortable with putting their name on a legal document without reading every word (it was a medical insurance report)

How the fuck is that unreasonable? Do you routinely go around signing legal documents you haven't read?

The endless hysteria about children being kidnapped when it's actually extraordinarily rare

Unfortunately from previous work I have done I know it isn’t quite as rare as MN would have you believe but aside from that people love their children so it is only normal to be anxious that something bad might happen to them.

Also speaking this flippantly about it is a massive insult to those parents who have had this happen to their children as it will be little comfort to them to know how ‘rare’ it is.

I'm very confused by your posts. I am not the person scared of everything. I find it weird that many people are.

As a witness, my obligation is to ensure I am witnessing them signing THIS document, I am not responsible for the contents of that document. So sure, I would sign as a witness for a document I have just the basic understanding of. Because it doesn't matter what it says.

24 hour news and social media which informs us all, every hour, of worst case scenarios in any given situation.

Remove that and your awareness is based only on what you’ve heard has happened to people you know and in your local area.

This has wired our brains to have a ‘fast track’ link to worse case scenarios. This is why so many people catastrophozise. This is why so many suffer with anxiety now.

But you think everyone else is… which is patently daft and a somewhat bleak outlook!

I've lost count of the people who can't seem to find anyone to do this because people are scard to put their name to these sorts of things.

The hyperbole!

and if you’re not exaggerating… then you must be a very unpopular and untrustworthy person!

I think the signature witnessing thing is probably just a misunderstanding. As you say, you're confirming that the person signing the document is who they say they are and that you've seen them sign the form, not what's in the form.

People do get cagey about providing personal information though. That's understandable because especially with online stuff we're constantly told to be vigilant about how our data is being used. I think this bleeds over into real life.

Also the internet has made it a lot easier to deal with "official" stuff without having to interact in real time with people (phone calls, in person etc.). You can take time to think how you want to word something and edit it in an email and it creates a written record, whereas with a phone call you're reliant on whoever answers the phone. I understand people preferring this, although I recognise that using the phone is probably also a skill that shouldn't be lost.