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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Situationship….in my 30s 🙈

74 replies

HangryZebra · 05/11/2025 18:23

So I’ve been casually in a situationship with a guy for over a year. We text every single day. We meet up for “fun” at least twice a month but apart from that no relationship as it were just very close with the messaging and the “fun”
A little while back I asked him if he did this kind of thing with anyone else, and he said no but I shouldn’t be asking as it’s not what this relationship is about, as it’s casual and it shouldn’t matter. I have never asked him again since then as I got the message loud and clear it was just casual from him and I’m happy with that.
Fast forward to a month ago, I went out with some girl friends and he asked me if I pulled anyone. I said to him no I didn’t but also I thought he didn’t want to discuss that kind of thing and he backed off the questioning.
I’m getting work done on my house at the moment and it’s a guy I know doing the work who has tagged me on a post on Facebook (about donuts I bought him nothing major lol) Today I get a message from my situationship asking if there is anything going on between me and the guy doing work on the house. His exact words were “there’s definitely something going on between you and him. Isn’t there? Anything you want to share? I’m not jealous by the way”

I don’t really know what to make of it, it’s the “I’m not jealous by the way” situation because if he wasn’t jealous why would he bring it up!? I’m confused!! Does he have feelings for me that he’s not admitting to?

I’m happy in life to keep things casual at the moment but now I’m not sure this is as casual!

would I be unreasonable to bring up that this isn’t casual anymore or am I reading too much into this now?

OP posts:
SparklyCardigan · 05/11/2025 18:27

Ohhhh careful OP you are going to get lots of grannies claiming they don't know what the word "situationship" means and couldn't possibly work it out.

Roodleflip · 05/11/2025 18:28

Be honest, would you like this FWB (I can’t bring myself to describe it as a “situationship”to develop in to a relationship?

do you have children?

Roodleflip · 05/11/2025 18:28

SparklyCardigan · 05/11/2025 18:27

Ohhhh careful OP you are going to get lots of grannies claiming they don't know what the word "situationship" means and couldn't possibly work it out.

Oh I know what it means
it’s just a bit daft
FWB

Roodleflip · 05/11/2025 18:30

Is this the one you started a thread on in December?

PracticalPixie · 05/11/2025 18:31

I think it sounds a bit head fucky tbh? What's he playing at? Saying it's definitely casual and he is not, repeat not into a proper relationship with you, and sooooo not jealous and also acting like a jealous bf. Sounds like you are getting the worst of both worlds tbh!

KindButFirmFox · 05/11/2025 18:31

How embarrassing.

Motnight · 05/11/2025 18:34

SparklyCardigan · 05/11/2025 18:27

Ohhhh careful OP you are going to get lots of grannies claiming they don't know what the word "situationship" means and couldn't possibly work it out.

Heaven forfend that grannies post on Mumsnet.

Firefly100 · 05/11/2025 18:37

If you are happy to continue on the casual basis you have, the answer is ‘none of your business’. If you would like it to turn him into a relationship, I would recommend telling him you can’t see him anymore as you are looking for a proper relationship not the arrangement you currently have. Either he will offer the relationship you want or you are then free to look for what you really want (cause he can’t offer it). Either way, he has no right to ask you currently and I would not pander to him. He can’t have it both ways.

Nestingbirds · 05/11/2025 18:51

I just have to say what I think, why waste years of your life on this op?

I assume you are comfortable not to ever have marriage, children, security etc because you are giving away the opportunity every day you are settling for this arrangement.

Hankunamatata · 05/11/2025 18:58

Id just reply back
Hey casual man, I thought we had covered this when you said to me that I shouldn’t be asking as it’s not what this relationship is about, as it’s casual and it shouldn’t matter.

Wallywobbles · 05/11/2025 19:02

"So to be clear I shouldn’t ask you any questions, but it’s fine for you to ask me”.

FWIW I’m thinking tosser.

fishtank12345 · 05/11/2025 19:06

HangryZebra · 05/11/2025 18:23

So I’ve been casually in a situationship with a guy for over a year. We text every single day. We meet up for “fun” at least twice a month but apart from that no relationship as it were just very close with the messaging and the “fun”
A little while back I asked him if he did this kind of thing with anyone else, and he said no but I shouldn’t be asking as it’s not what this relationship is about, as it’s casual and it shouldn’t matter. I have never asked him again since then as I got the message loud and clear it was just casual from him and I’m happy with that.
Fast forward to a month ago, I went out with some girl friends and he asked me if I pulled anyone. I said to him no I didn’t but also I thought he didn’t want to discuss that kind of thing and he backed off the questioning.
I’m getting work done on my house at the moment and it’s a guy I know doing the work who has tagged me on a post on Facebook (about donuts I bought him nothing major lol) Today I get a message from my situationship asking if there is anything going on between me and the guy doing work on the house. His exact words were “there’s definitely something going on between you and him. Isn’t there? Anything you want to share? I’m not jealous by the way”

I don’t really know what to make of it, it’s the “I’m not jealous by the way” situation because if he wasn’t jealous why would he bring it up!? I’m confused!! Does he have feelings for me that he’s not admitting to?

I’m happy in life to keep things casual at the moment but now I’m not sure this is as casual!

would I be unreasonable to bring up that this isn’t casual anymore or am I reading too much into this now?

I'd stop seeing him he is just a way to make your head a mess.

fishtank12345 · 05/11/2025 19:08

Also,once dumped, wait and find a man and when that time comes you won't have the annoying baggage man to deal with then.

aCatCalledFawkes · 05/11/2025 19:12

I've put you YABU only because this situation doesn't seem to have have any boundaries. The fact you have both crossed lines with each other feels like it hasn't been discussed. Is this kind of relationship what you want or are you hoping for something long term out of this?

elviswhorley · 05/11/2025 19:41

If he had feelings for you he'd be trying to make you his partner.

He's just offended at the thought that his magic wand didn't ruin you for all other men.

It's an ego thing.

FieryA · 05/11/2025 19:56

No need to overthink it. Just be direct and ask him- "why are you asking? I thought you didn't want to talk about such things." That's it. Why are you wasting your time trying to figure what his feelings/thoughts are?

FastTurtle · 05/11/2025 19:56

Get rid of him.

MrDobbs · 05/11/2025 20:02

It does sound to me like he wants the best of both worlds - freedom to do whatever he wants and not be restricted by any commitment to you while not really wanting you to do the same. He might not actually say that, but his insecurity about any hint of you being with anyone else (even if you actually aren't) shows in his words.

JustFrustrated · 05/11/2025 22:03

Nestingbirds · 05/11/2025 18:51

I just have to say what I think, why waste years of your life on this op?

I assume you are comfortable not to ever have marriage, children, security etc because you are giving away the opportunity every day you are settling for this arrangement.

She could already have children.
She doesn't need a man for security
She may have been married

Maybe she doesn't want children or marriage. What a pointless irrelevant point.

Shock horror a woman enjoys sex just for sex sake.

sploshsplash · 05/11/2025 22:05

He’s married isn’t he?

TheLivelyRose · 05/11/2025 22:07

Why are you having relationship problems with someone you're not in a relationship with.

Dancingsquirrels · 05/11/2025 22:07

SparklyCardigan · 05/11/2025 18:27

Ohhhh careful OP you are going to get lots of grannies claiming they don't know what the word "situationship" means and couldn't possibly work it out.

Or, people who have been around the block, made similar mistakes in the past and know that usually - but not always - FWB means (1) man wanting sex and (2) woman hoping for more

It's a story as old as time

Tink3rbell30 · 05/11/2025 22:27

Sounds really immature and a waste of time.

PinkPonyClubDancer · 05/11/2025 22:33

Sounds to me like he can do whatever he wants but doesn’t like it if you do too. I’d bin him off now.

TheLivelyRose · 05/11/2025 22:39

PinkPonyClubDancer · 05/11/2025 22:33

Sounds to me like he can do whatever he wants but doesn’t like it if you do too. I’d bin him off now.

Men can often be like that. They don't want you, but they don't want anyone else to have you either.