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Original poster

Situationship….in my 30s 🙈

74 replies

HangryZebra · 05/11/2025 18:23

So I’ve been casually in a situationship with a guy for over a year. We text every single day. We meet up for “fun” at least twice a month but apart from that no relationship as it were just very close with the messaging and the “fun”
A little while back I asked him if he did this kind of thing with anyone else, and he said no but I shouldn’t be asking as it’s not what this relationship is about, as it’s casual and it shouldn’t matter. I have never asked him again since then as I got the message loud and clear it was just casual from him and I’m happy with that.
Fast forward to a month ago, I went out with some girl friends and he asked me if I pulled anyone. I said to him no I didn’t but also I thought he didn’t want to discuss that kind of thing and he backed off the questioning.
I’m getting work done on my house at the moment and it’s a guy I know doing the work who has tagged me on a post on Facebook (about donuts I bought him nothing major lol) Today I get a message from my situationship asking if there is anything going on between me and the guy doing work on the house. His exact words were “there’s definitely something going on between you and him. Isn’t there? Anything you want to share? I’m not jealous by the way”

I don’t really know what to make of it, it’s the “I’m not jealous by the way” situation because if he wasn’t jealous why would he bring it up!? I’m confused!! Does he have feelings for me that he’s not admitting to?

I’m happy in life to keep things casual at the moment but now I’m not sure this is as casual!

would I be unreasonable to bring up that this isn’t casual anymore or am I reading too much into this now?

OP posts:
Wowisthisit · 06/11/2025 09:31

SparklyCardigan · 05/11/2025 18:27

Ohhhh careful OP you are going to get lots of grannies claiming they don't know what the word "situationship" means and couldn't possibly work it out.

And the point of this post is....

CosySeason · 06/11/2025 09:33

Urghhhhhh!! I’ve been stuck in one of these before. Get out asap.

They want boyfriend behaviour with zero commitment.

campocaro · 06/11/2025 09:34

Enough with the casual granny ageism

NautilusLionfish · 06/11/2025 09:34

May be he is jealous. May be he has voyeuristic tendencies and is intrigued. May be he wants a threesome. Who knows

theonlygirl · 06/11/2025 19:09

Well i dunno what age you have to be, to be a "grannie" on MN but I tell you what this situation is, its a load of bollocks. He's a CF FWB who wants to do what he wants, but doesn't want you fucking anyone else or you asking him what he gets up to. I mean, carry on if it floats your boat but he's clearly either a dick or so emotionally stunted he can't tell a woman he'd like to have a grown up relationship.

TheLivelyRose · 06/11/2025 19:16

NautilusLionfish · 06/11/2025 09:34

May be he is jealous. May be he has voyeuristic tendencies and is intrigued. May be he wants a threesome. Who knows

There's nothing to analyse here. He's not her boyfriend.

Maybe he wants to know if she is sleeping with others but that's as far as it goes.

Original poster
HangryZebra · 06/11/2025 22:16

Thank you so much for all the replies, I really do appreciate the advice and comments.

I called him out on it and I said it wasn’t fair that he got stroppy with me when I asked him and didn’t give me an answer. He replied saying “I am not sleeping with anyone else nor do I plan too” and then when I said why did he want to know about me and the workman he said “I’m not bothered but want to know if you’re sleeping around I don’t want to catch anything” which is bs in my mind as we use protection. I think he’s jealous but just not saying it.

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 06/11/2025 22:21

So childish and icky. Get rid.

TheLivelyRose · 06/11/2025 22:23

HangryZebra · 06/11/2025 22:16

Thank you so much for all the replies, I really do appreciate the advice and comments.

I called him out on it and I said it wasn’t fair that he got stroppy with me when I asked him and didn’t give me an answer. He replied saying “I am not sleeping with anyone else nor do I plan too” and then when I said why did he want to know about me and the workman he said “I’m not bothered but want to know if you’re sleeping around I don’t want to catch anything” which is bs in my mind as we use protection. I think he’s jealous but just not saying it.

He's not jealous because he's not your boyfriend.

Look, it's tempting to imagine someone has bigger feelings for us than they actually do but that's not the case here.

If he was jealous of you seeing other men he would make you his gf.

He has told you the truth.He wants to know if you re sleeping with other men in case he's at risk of catching anything.

Why don't you take at face value what he said, rather than reading into it.

Honestly just stop seeing him.

FastTurtle · 06/11/2025 22:27

HangryZebra · 06/11/2025 22:16

Thank you so much for all the replies, I really do appreciate the advice and comments.

I called him out on it and I said it wasn’t fair that he got stroppy with me when I asked him and didn’t give me an answer. He replied saying “I am not sleeping with anyone else nor do I plan too” and then when I said why did he want to know about me and the workman he said “I’m not bothered but want to know if you’re sleeping around I don’t want to catch anything” which is bs in my mind as we use protection. I think he’s jealous but just not saying it.

It all sounds a lot of drama and what’s the daily texting all about, it’s a big investment for a couple of shags a month?

SnowFrogJelly · 06/11/2025 23:36

HangryZebra · 06/11/2025 22:16

Thank you so much for all the replies, I really do appreciate the advice and comments.

I called him out on it and I said it wasn’t fair that he got stroppy with me when I asked him and didn’t give me an answer. He replied saying “I am not sleeping with anyone else nor do I plan too” and then when I said why did he want to know about me and the workman he said “I’m not bothered but want to know if you’re sleeping around I don’t want to catch anything” which is bs in my mind as we use protection. I think he’s jealous but just not saying it.

Sounds like you want him to be jealous? But honestly such a lot of game playing and time wasting on this it’s not worth it

Anearoa · 07/11/2025 00:28

So you’re having sex, text each other every day, you don’t see anyone else, he doesn’t see anyone else, he gets jealous if you’re connected with another man.

Sounds like a relationship.

TheLivelyRose · 07/11/2025 00:29

Anearoa · 07/11/2025 00:28

So you’re having sex, text each other every day, you don’t see anyone else, he doesn’t see anyone else, he gets jealous if you’re connected with another man.

Sounds like a relationship.

Only it's not and he isn't jealous. Just worried he might catch something from her. If she's sleeping with other men.

Wowisthisit · 07/11/2025 09:09

The 'catch something' bit is just a red herring, they use protection!
Like a lot of men, they want the relationship, sex and exclusivity with absolutely no commitment from themselves so they can walk away at any point or just have some casual with someone else but they keep her to themselves, wasting her life away while they piss about. Avoidant is what they generally call it and it is rife now with dating apps and the ease of meeting others, everyone has FOMO.

Move him along, he isn't good for casual.

Grammarninja · 07/11/2025 11:07

I don't think you are that happy to keep it so casual. You like him and this has given you a ray of hope that it might become more. He's definitely jealous btw. If ever you were hoping for some commitment, you have your chance here.

VenusClapTrap · 07/11/2025 15:57

Anearoa · 07/11/2025 00:28

So you’re having sex, text each other every day, you don’t see anyone else, he doesn’t see anyone else, he gets jealous if you’re connected with another man.

Sounds like a relationship.

That’s what I was thinking. It’s a relationship - a bad one.

Sartre · 07/11/2025 16:05

Way more hassle than he’s worth. He wants it to be casual but only if you’re faithful to him, which makes no sense at all. I’d bet he actually has slept with others as well but is jealous about the thought of you doing the same. Jump.

Thatpastalife · 07/11/2025 16:14

elviswhorley · 05/11/2025 19:41

If he had feelings for you he'd be trying to make you his partner.

He's just offended at the thought that his magic wand didn't ruin you for all other men.

It's an ego thing.

Exactly this. I think he wants you to want more because he’s so epic despite the fact he’s not overly fussed about you…. He seems great….

ThatCyanCat · 07/11/2025 16:18

What do you want?

Cardinalita90 · 07/11/2025 16:24

He's not jealous. Not in the way you want him to be anyway. If he wanted a relationship with you, he would have said so in the last 12 months.

Value yourself higher and bin him off.

Largestlegocollectionever · 07/11/2025 16:31

He may not be jealous - it may be the opposite and he’s turned on by the thought of you and other men!
Just throwing it out there…..

CosySeason · 07/11/2025 16:39

Either way it’s a waste of energy.

333FionaG · 07/11/2025 16:42

Are you actually happy with this FWB situation? I could never sleep with a man on a regular basis without getting emotionally involved on some level. If you're getting fulfilment from this, then carry on regardless. If you're hoping he's jealous (he's not) and has deeper feelings for you than just a regular shag, I think you're on a hiding to nothing.

SunnySideDeepDown · 07/11/2025 16:44

Double standards. He's a no go for me - he can have sexual freedom and you can’t? No thanks. I’d tell him to do one. You’re being used.

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