20yo DD was home alone- 2 Proovia delivery came into house and stood over her until she transferred £60 into their own bank account- raging at response

[fanothetan]

Delivery came significantly earlier than agreed, and these men were angry that I had not answered the phone. I work in CAMHS and never take my phone into clinics- . beside the point anyway, I had no reason to think I needed to.
DD knew nothing about the delivery so totally blindsided by how they were behaving. From their demeanour she assumed I had messed up. They brought the item upstairs (I’m third floor) came into the hall and demanded £60 because they had been paid to deliver to the first floor. True, but would not have been an issue if the delivery has arrived at the agreed time. They stood over her while she transferred it on her phone. Understandably she felt scared and did not argue with them, which was the right thing to do.
The response feels like a parody. I phoned and repeatedly ‘corrected’ with variations on ‘your adult daughter’ ‘yes, but she is an adult’. The initial reply to an email was a bald ‘the transaction was cancelled by you’. This was untrue and anyway are either of these responses the point?
After providing evidence and much to-ing and fro-ing there’s no dispute this happened and they say the driver no longe works for them. Having said they would refund the money, they are now saying they won’t, and asking why it’s taken so long to request a refund. Now it’s only £60 and hones, I honestly could not care less, but it speaks volumes and makes me extremely skeptical that any action was taken by them to address this.
The question is can I do anything? I have one of their full names from the bank transfer and their phone number from the repeated phone calls. Taking it to the police seems trivial if it’s about £60 but it’s not, it’s about grown men intimidating a 20 year old girl in her own home. It’s about an employer who clearly give no fucks at all about this and is happy to prevaricate and hand out platitudes rather than respond appropriately.

AIBU to not just suck it up and accept this is how things are? Or should I post the entire email thread which would be hilarious were it not so totally enraging? If there is a constructive way to get this addressed I might be spared an ulcer.

You asked why I said something, I quoted you as to why and that's weird of me?

Seriously

I bet you brought this attitude to the company and that's why they just said whatever you wanted to hear

Because of the fact OP has said her daughter wouldn't have reacted well at being asked to take the delivery

OP's own words

@fanothetan - I have skimmed through your posts on here, and I am horrified at what happened to your dd, and by the attitude of the delivery company. What their employees did was extortion - they scared your dd into giving them £60. In your position, I think I would be going straight to the police.

So, if someone scams an elderly person, it's okay because they are over 18?

Wow, I really had no idea that it is okay to threaten, intimidate, extort and coerce people into giving you money as long as you are over 18.

The "things" MNers think is okay just boggles the mind.

So she wouldn't have appreciated being asked to make sure she stayed home on an evening so is sure to be a liar who's trying to get innocent hard working staff into trouble just to cause trouble? What sort of people do you hang out with?

Yup. And according to some, they should blame their parents for not raising to deal with every possible thing that might arise in life even when they're outnumbered, isolated and less powerful.

But she did owe them £60, which OP agreed to when booking the delivery. To be paid to the delivery staff. The fact that she’s a woman and they were men doesn’t change the amount owing. Or the fact that OP didn’t tell her daughter about it. From the delivery person’s POV they are going to get annoyed when people try to dodge paying them the agreed fee. I’m not sure how else this could have played out really.

No.
Delivery was to ground floor at a time op would be there to come down and get it. That didn't incur a fee.
They called her, she didn't reply, they said they'd rearrange, she didn't reply.
They turned up and hour early, carried it upstairs (different to order request) and then oh and that's now £60 cos we carried it upstairs.

@malmican you really not imagine a scenario where they do as per order and their own message - reschedule cos she didn't reply / turn up on time / deliver to specified floor?
I mean given no reply to calls, they could have ended up having to carry it down again!!
One of them could have walked up the stairs, knocked, said delivery for Mrs X, do you want it carried up? It's £60 if you do.
They could have not turned up already angry because they called and op couldn't answer.
They could have not physically intimidated her by standing over her.

No one agreed to pay the drivers £60.

The OP agreed to a ground floor delivery later in the day and paid for that. The delivery drivers turned up early, took the item up the stairs without telling DD that it would cost an additional £60 to do so and then once they were in the house, they demanded money from her.

There are a number of ways it could have played out:

They could have turned up at the arranged time.

They could have turned up early (apologised), asked if it was okay to make the delivery at the earlier time and if it was still okay to deliver to the first floor.

They could have turned up early (apologised), asked if it was okay to make the delivery at the earlier time and told DD that they had only been paid to deliver to the first floor and to take the table upstairs would be an additional £60.

I suspect if they'd done either of the latter two, DD would have told them to come back later, which they obviously didn't want to do, so instead they brought the delivery upstairs, announced they were now owed money and intimidated DD into paying them.

The delivery drivers were wrong at every step of the process and I can't work out why so many people are trying to blame OP and her daughter for their crappy behaviour.

Didn’t say any of the examples related to her daughter. It was a general reply to a previous poster in respect of the bullshit “buuut the brain isn’t developed yettt” excuse that people make for their poorly functioning adult offspring.

That's not what I said and you know it

I think you e overrracted on this one OP. You didn’t pay for delivery but you could easily have given DD the heads up it was coming. Equally she could have sent them away the second it became clear that they wanted extra for the delivery (instead of letting them upstairs).

I have never said she would have minded. She’s in and out because she comes home from uni for interviews. I wasn’t aware she was home that night which is entirely normal. She’s pretty stressed with it all so if I have a hands off approach just now it’s because she has a lot on (cue howls of disgust that she is a spoiled brat whose mummy wipes her bum and carries her up and down the stairs).

@BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind made up that ‘she swans in and out’ and has confabulated a whole psychotic fantasy where i am ‘mummy’ based on a made up post they claim I made in the past but which seems only to exist in her mind. I certainly can’t find it anywhere. I’m ignoring them from now on because there’s really no point in trying to challenge a fantasist. All I will say is that you could have shown a wee bit more imagination in the made up post- if you are going to make something up, you might as well go big.

I never claimed she was a child or inferred she is incapable of dealing with this due to her age. The deliver company repeatedly corrected me when I said ‘my daughter’ to ‘your adult daughter’. The implication as many have been able to understand was that an adult would not be upset by this. Again, this is not the issue, most women would, I think have felt similarly threatened. Overall, that is overwhelming consensus in the thread.

Except it is. Because she wouldn't have been receptive to op asking her to stay in, you've basically accused her of making the whole situation up. You can't possibly believe DD AND think the delivery drivers were reasonable

Omg.

DD was on a third floor.

The door knocked.

She opened it.
She didn't let them upstairs.
She isn't the boss of the stairs.
How would she have stopped them?
They had a large item for her Mom.
She, reasonably, allowed them entry to put it down.
Then they said she owed them £60.
They were already angry when they arrived.
They were now in her home where she was otherwise alone.
She obviously didn't feel she could say no.
What do you think the two angry men would have done if DD had refused? Just quietly left or got angrier?

Really weird you asked for first floor delivery and they insisted on dragging it up two further flights tbh, I’m unsure why they even did this unless I’ve missed something.

I've made up things which I have directly quoted where they came from?

Ye OK

Sure

So what if she didn't have £60 to transfer to them?

If they were already angry, and standing over her whilst she was doing it, we can assume at best that they'd have been even more angry and confrontational. If all they did was to yell at DD until they were convinced she genuinely had no money, would that have been ok? If they insisted she had to keep phone her Mom and stayed in the property whilst DD had tried to reach Mom / Dad / someone for help, would that be ok?
I don't really get your question. I'm not suggesting they were going to physically harm her, but I don't think the lesser intimidation that had already happened was ok either.

The brain isn’t developed yet. This is well understood. There’s also the simple point that life experience does generally make you better equipped at dealing with these things.

Speak of dad, why was the OPs DH also unable to answer tge phone to hhe delivery people. Surely knowing they call first best to give them a number of someone who can answer

And if they weren't going to physically harm her then its all hot air

I'm baffled as to why so many people (presumbly female) try to take down OP and her daughter. Is there a points system of which I am unaware. If so, slay!
Otherwise, what Sleepingstandingup and Foregoneconfusion said.
If you went into a restaurant and the waiter rushed over with a bottle of Veuve and 5kg of lobster and them stood over you saying you owed £400, would you be happy to pay?
Same thing here, its like some kind of delivery mugging and there were multiple opportunities for the delivery men to have checked if delivering to 3rd floor for £60 was acceptable or postpone delivery.
Not OPs fault, not DDs fault. Not rocket science neither.

So why are we letting under 25s commit to mortgages, drive, travel, have children, be in politics etc? Their brains are developed sufficiently. Come on. 😂

Yes I try to correct this every time its raised. The brain is fully developed but young peoples cognition and brain elasticity is much more fluid and flexible. Its an evolutionary development which usually serves society well. It means that the youngest, albelist, fittest, most energetic of the species, is able to think outside the box, take risks, take gambles, develop new ideas, this is advantageous to the community

Although not in modern times of course where they barely leave home, cant have Saturday jobs or travel by public transport, have to stay in education until 19 being babied, cant be trusted to open the door, cant be left alone and cant take delivery of a table and pay for it without being utterly intimidated and traumatised.