To want to pack it all in, leave my job, husband and have an affair?

[middleeastmum86]

My husband is not a bad man, but since I turned 40 I have lost my mother and through his work I was forced to emigrate within a couple of months of her death, leaving my Dad behind who I am extremely close to. Our children go to international school, we live in a rich compound in an affluent area of one of the richest countries in the world. My husband and I both earn a quarter of a million each tax free. But I feel totally miserable. I hate my job, the hours are punishing and relentless. the demands of the locals are totally unreasonable. I feel that my job which I was always proud of in the UK is not being practised ethically here. I have been bullied and marginalised at work as the only white Western woman in this part of the world and I want to leave but my husband wants to stay.

Whilst all of this has been going on, one of my junior colleagues has been incredibly kind and thoughtful towards me. There is attraction there. And maybe it’s a trauma bond through a difficult time but I have developed a total infatuation with him even though he’s over 10 years my junior.

So not expecting any sympathy, but would be keen to hear what everyone thinks. Should I leave and come back to the UK and detonate my life which on paper looks amazing but in reality is a gilded prison-like cage? I’m totally aware this screams mid life crisis but I feel quite desperate. I don’t want to hurt my children but see no way out,

Was hoping for a bit of a balanced overview but hey it’s Mumsnet - my bad…

I think you should see if you can take a leave of absence from work; see if you can take a month off, just to give yourself space and time to figure out what moving home would entail, and what your life will look like in five years time.

You sound self-aware enough to not do anything rash. This is a strength. But you do sound like you are close to the edge.

He's telling you his priorities - listen to him. Act accordingly.

It’s not the fact it’s mumsnet. You say that like as though the people on here are the problem for not approving or having a negative opinion on your suggestion of an affair! I’m sure if you spoke about that to someone in real life they’d have the same opinion

Thank you for your message. It’s good to hear different perspectives. I have been on the receiving end of cheating before and it’s not nice. As a result I haven’t proceeded with anything with him. In a difficult time of my life when I felt used, emotionally abused and my wants and needs neglected both at home and at work - someone came into life who was kind, listened and didn’t expect anything from me. I’m mentioning it as part of a picture of wanting to detonate everything I have built not just wanting an affair on its own.

The same opinion as what? Neither approving nor disapproving? I honestly don't know what you're trying to say here.

The opinion that an affair isn’t the way to go

But what she actually said was "I appreciate the take" which is the opposite of saying "like as though people here are the problem".

And as far as I can tell, the notion that she's "chosen to come here to seek their approval to have an affair" is just an outright fabrication.

I never said "chosen to come here to seek their approval to have an affair" and never suggested she was here for approval. Someone gave an opinion, OP replied to them.
My question was if we as readers were expected to gloss over the part about the affair which OP then said she wanted a balanced view but basically because it’s mumsnet she won’t get that which did actually sound like she’s saying the people here are the problem.

Straw man. You said what you said in the direct context of that outright fabrication.

If you're allowed to claim that it "did actually sound" some way, then don't be surprised when people point out how your reply did actually sound.

I think raising them here is more important, tbh.

I would put anything with your colleague aside. It’s not the core issue but has provided you with some care and kindness that you seem to be missing at home. Pursuing it now would be madness.

Return to the UK with your kids and be with your dad. Your kids aren’t losing their father because of you, he needs to step up facilitate his relationship with them if he wants to stay overseas, that’s his part of the arrangement to uphold not yours. If he does this, they can still go on to have a good and close relationship with him but you can’t force that.

Concentrate on yourself and the kids, get settled back in the uk, if in time you want to reconnect with your colleague and explore that then you can but don’t allow it to muddy the waters now.

Your children are unhappy, so are you. I can’t believe you’re even still pondering it. Book your flights, your duty is to your children first and foremost and they happen to want what you want, to go home! Do it.

As in , he’d love to come to the UK with you and your kids and start a relationship with you?
also has your dad always lived with you and your husband? Is that a must happen? So even if your dh agrees to return to Uk, he has to share his home with his in-law?