To not want pets !

[Nonpetgirl]

Growing up we never had pets. Dh always had pets (loads). I’ve got allergies but just really don’t want pets and that was always fine now dh is saying the dc are missing out. I don’t think they are !

AIBU to think it’s very much like if one partner wants a baby and the other doesn’t that you then don’t have one ! Surely in this situation I get the final say ?

Absolutely you get a veto. And don’t be fooled by enthusiastic promises, you WILL end up being the one taking care of any pets in the house.

A pet is not a baby. I really do think that some compromise could be reached here with the variety of animals available. I do think children without pets are missing out a bit (assuming they actually want pets, which most children do). You could compromise on something small/low maintenance/no noise or smell. It doesn’t have to be a Labrador

I forgot to add with the agreement that oh does the caring

Yes I absolutely know I will end up having to help and I don’t want any more to do especially now the dc are getting older

I grew up with pets and haven’t had them as an adult other than DD had a hamster for a few years. Even with the hamster it all fell to me and it was just one more thing to think about when we are going away etc. and at least with a hamster you can leave it overnight. Dc would like a dog but I’m just not having the commitment of not being able to go out for more than a few hours at a time and having to organise dog sitters for nights away and holidays. So I’m saying YANBU unless your DH is prepared to effectively be the sole carer of said pet.

If you have allergies to fur then of course you get the final say it is a health concern . What kind of pets is he talking about?

I've been the one vetoing a dog here, despite the fact that both DH and DS want one. I would end up doing most of the gruntwork, and I don't want a pet of any kind, at all. Not even a goldfish.

Missed but about allergies- in that case, hard no. I know people say they just take antihistamines but I wouldn’t want to be routinely taking medication that I could avoid taking by simply not having the pet in the first place

YANBU. I don't want any pets either. I did have them when I was a kid, and yes, my mum did end up taking care of them when the novelty wore off. My DS wants a pet and I know I'll end doing all the things like feeding it and cleaning it. And I don't want to. I have enough on my plate.

Plus, we don't really have enough spare cash to properly care for an animal. And it would be limiting on us if we spontaneously decided to stay out all day or go on a trip.

There are so many cons to having a pet and nowhere near enough pros.

The kids can have as many pets as they like when they're grown up and live on their own.

Depends on 2 things. Firstly, how bad are your allergies? If they exclude every pet then yep, that's the end of the conversation. But that's unlikely. The second is do your kids want pets? If as a family, you are the odd one out, then I think you're being unreasonable. Surely there has to be a compromise.

He is right to a large extent - teaching kids to love and care for a pet whilst also teaching them responsibilities it comes with is both rewarding and good for teaching discipline. Wouldn't you rather they spent time with a pet than a screen?

I can see both sides. I grew up with and love animals. My DH didn't. DD desperately wanted a pet.
Unfortunately we lived abroad for most of her childhood and it wasn't practical. She had fish and stick insects.
We came back to England and we agreed to get a puppy.
I didn't rush into it and researched the breed and finally 18 months later we brought him home.
Dd loved him until it became clear that she really did need to walk and pick up his poo.
She's been away at uni for 5 years. I still adore him, husband is kind enough but a bit meh towards him.
He is a huge tie and financially draining but we are responsible for him for at least another 8 years.

Have you asked him how he plans to provide all daily care for the pet? To ensure he is there for every meal / outing / vet visit?

How does he propose to manage your allergies? Is he expecting you to suffer or is he proposing goldfish / a hairless animal?

A house without pets is a sad house IMO but I grew up with all sorts of pets, cats, dogs, rodents, horses, insects 😳. We had cats for years, but my DH started WFH full time so we got our dog and she’s literally the middle cog of our family - adorable 🥰
I think if your DH takes responsibility for feeding, vets, walking if a dog then why not !

Have you always said you don't want pets or have you been non committal.

I don't agree with you completely on the baby thing. Plenty of people say their open to children to secure a partner, and then run down the clock and then say no when the other party feels it's too late to find someone else. Quite frankly I find using a veto in those circumstances morally reprehensible. And although it wouldnt be right to have a baby in those circumstances let's not pretend it's ok or acceptable behaviour to do.

My dad grew up with dogs (poodles) but my mum wasn’t keen so we never had any pets, and I do think that was a shame. But your allergies are key here - absolutely you shouldn’t get any pet you’re allergic to!

I couldn't live in a home without pets. All my life we have had pets. There is not one single con in loving an animal and it being part of your family.

But it's a choice and I'd rather a person didn't get a pet if they don't want one.

Far to many pets end up in rescue centres or mistreated because people take them on when they shouldn't. There are plenty of people who should not be allowed to have pets.

Pets enrich your life so I do think your DCs are missing out. That being said, no one can have everything they want and they are probably missing out on lots of other things.

But I disagree it's the same situation as having a baby. You've got a veto only if your allergies prevent you from having a pet, otherwise there's always room for discussion and compromise.

I think the best money I've ever spent was on our pups. We got two when our youngest was 4 months old. Our kids adore them. They can be annoying the hell out of each but then be immediately united in laughing at something one of the dogs has done. One is very cuddly so if anyone is upset they get passed the pooch for a cuddle. We've had other pets but the dogs are the best.

So I would be in get a pet camp if your DH is willing to do the work. He can't expect pets and then expect you to do the work. Depends if you trust him to do it.

If there are allergies involved, I absolutely think that this needs to be taken into consideration.

I can see both sides.

I was never allowed pets as a child and I wanted one (I had a fish once but that’s it).

As a result I don’t ‘like’ animals. As in, I obviously don’t wish them harm or anything, but I’m not drawn to them and I’m not an ‘animal person’. If it was in a room with a dog or cat for example, it wouldn’t bother me but I wouldn’t stroke it or pet it or play with it. It wouldn’t really register with me.
I don’t want that for my kids.

I want them to experience it and learn to be around animals, to care for others and take responsibility, but the pet has to be right for everyone. I’ve never been able to think of one that is right for us, so I have to keep saying no to getting one.

I have allergies and can't have cats or dogs sadly. My children would have loved a dog and we would probably have had one if my allergies weren't so bad. Instead we had rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters and gerbils - I'm still allergic but it's manageable with small mammals and I only got a reaction from cleaning out cages/hutches which was ok if I took an antihistamine. I do think children benefit from having little creatures to care for and love.

Most women I know are the ones that do pretty much all the pet care, all were told it was ‘good for the children’, I’d say I know three people where the kids actively participate without being bribed/ forced. My son doesn’t have to be pushed too much to walk the dog but would never think of doing it. I adore our dog but will never get one when he’s gone

Pets are an expensive nightmare and not worth it at all. They can be borrowed from friends or strangers eg on pet sitting websites where you can be paid to take them off peoples hands. It is totally unfair to try to insist someone has one

I'm on the fence with this, pets/animals have always been a huge part of my life. Grew up on a farm, my career involves animals etc.
However you are 100% right in that they are a massive tie and extra work which generally a busy family life can do without. If you don't really want one please don't get a dog as you'll massively resent the amount of work/mess etc. But I do think if the kids and your DH want a pet you're being a bit unreasonable and they are missing out.

Pets make a home in our house, grew up with a dog-mad mum and do love them, but as an adult I've had cats. We've inherited a tortoise now too, which require more work than people think.

But they're a bind. I've not been on a holiday for years because I refuse to put a cat in a cattery and the cat we have now is petrified of everything and everyone, so I couldn't have a feeder (neighbour) come in.

Pets, if a child wants one, can teach them responsibility and kindness but in reality it's normally the parent who really looks after them. So I say no, please do not get a pet if you, the carer, do not want one. It's kinder on you and also the animal. Stand your ground!

Just as a side, there are things hubby and child can do if want animals in their lives or want to teach children kindness, you can foster (short bursts of animals in the house and no ties) and it used to be the case that rescue centres were crying out for dog walkers and helpers. Also, if a child gives up every Sat/Sunday to go walk or help muck out and feed, then it may be worth considering a pet at home too because proven to be keen and responsible.