To not want pets !

[Nonpetgirl]

Growing up we never had pets. Dh always had pets (loads). I’ve got allergies but just really don’t want pets and that was always fine now dh is saying the dc are missing out. I don’t think they are !

AIBU to think it’s very much like if one partner wants a baby and the other doesn’t that you then don’t have one ! Surely in this situation I get the final say ?

All sorts of things suggestions have been kitten/ puppy/ hamster/ reptiles . I don’t want any ! Not the furry sort that’ll make me sneeze or any reptiles that he wants to get ridiculous huge heated tanks for as I don’t like the appearance of them and don’t want a massive tank in my house !

Interesting point.

We grew up with gerbils (as kids and then for our DCs). Gorgeous, magical creatures, but high maintenance if you’re giving them a good life.

We now have two cats who are literally the centre of our world - me, DH and two adult DCs. I was indifferent to cats when we got our first, but the love hit me like a train, and a year later I pushed to get another (who get on great).

If anyone has allergies then there's not justification for any type of pet they are likely to be allergic to.

I don't really think kids who don't have pets are missing out on much. We knew a couple who 'allowed' their cat to have one litter of kittens because it would be an 'interesting experience' for their children. Was it an interesting experience for the cat? Was it traumatic experience for the cat when the kittens were sold? Did that element get covered by the learning journey the kids went on?

I think it's fine to veto it if you're really not keen.

Pets aren't compulsory, they are a huge responsibility and can be a big expense. Don't give way!

I grew up with dogs…..and I love dogs, but have never wanted to have my own as an adult.
A dog is way more work than I’m willing to put in, so I’ve always had cats instead. As long as they’re fed and have a clean litter tray (or better - do their business outside!) they don’t really require much care like other pets do.
DH would love a dog, so would the DCs….but I’ve convinced DH that if we’ve got a dog, then we can’t go on the spontaneous weekends away that we love because we’d have to have someone to look after the dog! With a cat, we use a timed feeder, a water fountain that constantly flows and as long as the tray is clean before we leave, it will be fine for a couple of days.

Who does the majority of the shopping, cleaning, and childcare? That person will end up doing all the pet care.

I don't want pets either. I offered my ds the chance to have a dog when he was 10, but that he would have to do EVERYTHING himself - walking (rain or shine, light or dark, before school & after), feeding cleaning, bathing etc. He was horrified and decided he didn't want a dog any more. 😁

YAB MASSIVELY U to say no to any pet of ANY kind whatsoever forever. There's such a range that surely there is something you can put up with as a compromise. A blanket no, forever, is not only unreasonable but will lead to bitterness, and for what? Because you don't like the look of a fish tank ffs?

I don't think it's quite the same as if one person wants a child and the other doesn't, as the level of commitment isn't really comparable - especially as he's open to a choice of different pets, it needn't be a dog (which is a big commitment). But I would refuse to lift a finger and say he must be prepared to do absolutely everything to care for the pet - and follow through on that from day 1. Is he still as keen if you make that really clear?

You do get a final say. The children are also missing out. Both things can be true.

My parents got a cat when I was a child because they thought kids needed to experience pets. I am not an animal person and I didn’t like it at all. All it taught me is not to get a pet as an adult and I never have or will. So no, I don’t think you need a pet at all.

This update neatly encapsulates why you should not get pets.
They want a puppy or a kitten
What you'll get is a dog or a cat - which isn't as cute and needs lots of looking after.

I second what a pp said about looking into pet-fostering (your family would get the joy of having a pet for a limited period of time; there'd be much less long-term responsibility/cost/ allergy management for you)

and the idea of your dh and children signing up on a pet-sitting website and/or offering to look after neighbours' pets while they're on holiday (pref in their own houses! possibly even paid)

No, I think everyone in the house needs to agree to get a pet (unless it’s a goldfish or something). They’re a burden on your time, and finances - obviously for some people that is totally worth it, but if you don’t want it then it isn’t.

I had this for a while but the conversation stopped when I made it very clear that I would absolutely not do anything for a dog. I wouldn’t walk it ever or arrange kennels and I wouldn’t even buy dog food. It took precisely 1 sec for DH to change his mind.
Basically everything would have fallen to me.

I had 2 dogs when i got together with my husband so obviously if he had an issue he could jog on 😂
Theyve since passed away. We now have 2 horses, 2 dogs, 5 rabbits, a hamster, a lizard and fish.
Im allergic to dogs, horses, hay (among other things) and im constantly medicated. Poor guy comes home and has no idea if there will be a new pet or not because i never ask. Difference is i fund all of them and i do all of the work involved.
If its going to fall to you, then its your decision to say yes or no. Its unfair to put unwanted responsibility onto you.

They aren’t missing out, and you have every right to say no. And that trumps everything, you need unanimity.

We have a houseful and a farm full! It’s pretty much a full time job in itself.
Everyone in the family really needs to be onboard when it comes to pets.

I’m with you. I’m allergic to fur and just don’t like animals. Don’t want anything else to look after either. No thanks.

I'll only have an animal in my house in the future when AI invents a hair/smell/poo/fart/illness/exercise/vet free dog. 😊

I don't hate pets but I could never have them. I'm far too independent to be bossed around by a dog that needs walking twice a day come hail rain or snow, and I'd hate the lack of spontaneity in being able to up sticks and go away or do things at short notice, and the expense if I'm really honest.

I'll leave others to it. Think long and hard OP.

Snake. Bloody brilliant.

I don't think you should have a pet you're allergic to, but surely there must be an animal you aren't allergic to, as some kind of compromise?

Start them off with some sea monkeys, if they can show they can look after them maybe they can upgrade to something else.

it is not unreasonable to exclude anything you are allergic to

When a stray cat started visiting my garden 3 and a half years ago and kept trying to jump on my lap, and basically decided this was his new house I sneezed for about 9 months. Now he happily sleeps next to my pillow and I have had another 16 random feral, barn and stray cats through my garden and house and am currently looking for a new house which absolutely must have a good secure barn to house the remaining ones properly and all the future cats that will no doubt find us when we move.

Having a pet changes your life and outlook. I wouldn't discount it just for the sneezing.

As the person who has vetoed another dog, i hear you. The allergies are also a legitimate concern. I do think however that a pet os lovely dor the children so I would personally ve looking at ehat non allergenic, low maintenance options there are and making it clear to dh and the dc that this pet is 100% their responsibility.

Because yesN it does land on the women mostly and that's bloody annoying.

I'm allergic to some cats but don't know if it's the 'wrong sort' of cat until it's too late. Sneezing isn't too much of a problem but feeling like my eyes are being scratched and stabbed by needles is awful. I'd like a cat but I just can't risk having one.